


The Truth

by falsepremise



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, First Time, Light Angst, M/M, Oblivious!Spock, Post-Star Trek Beyond, Truth Serum, diplomatic mission, mentions past child abuse, oblivious!jim
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2018-10-30 21:31:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 54,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10885317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/falsepremise/pseuds/falsepremise
Summary: During a diplomatic mission to establish relations between the Federation and a new planet Spock participates in a local cultural ritual that involves taking a truth serum and confesses that Jim is his t'hy'la. What does this mean for Spock and for Jim? Can they face their own truths and find each other?





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set Post-Star Trek Beyond. It is assumed that Spock and Nyota did not get back together at the end of Beyond, merely establishing an amicable break-up and ongoing friendship. Although this is a work in progress, it is well planned and I'm committed to seeing it to completion. It will be 15+ chapters in total. I'm aiming to update weekly but this may vary somewhat throughout.
> 
> Comments are always appreciated!

Jim strode into the briefing room to find the team already assembled as ordered. He grinned widely, his whole face lighting up with excitement. 

Spock stood as Jim entered, his hands folded behind his back as he nodded in greeting, ‘Captain.’

Jim nodded in return and they sat in unison, Jim at the head of the table and Spock at his usual place on Jim’s right side. Conversation around the table stilled as they did so and Jim took a moment to make eye contact with each of his Senior Officers in turn: Spock, Uhura, McCoy and Scotty. Yes, this was the team for the next mission.

‘Well,’ Jim smiled, ‘We have fresh orders. Just came in this morning. So fresh they’re still warm.’

Jim’s eyes darted to the right to take in Spock’s reaction. Ah, result: one raised eyebrow and a slightly befuddled expression. Well, befuddled for a Vulcan, anyway. Spock would say he was simply expressing a logical reaction to illogical human speech patterns. There was definitely something about gently needling his first officer that warmed Jim’s heart. Especially when he received a raised eyebrow for his trouble. Jim found himself smiling again. 

‘Well?’ Bones asked, ‘Dammit Jim, don’t leave us in suspense.’

Jim pulled his eyes away from Spock and cleared his throat, ‘I’m getting to that, Bones. Our next assignment is a diplomatic one. The Federation has been contacted by the Ashtahli, a previously unknown humanoid species living on a class M planet they call Tahli. Tahli is located close to both Federation and Klingon space and they’ve been quite frank about the fact that they’ve also entered into discussions with the Klingon Empire.’

Bones snorted sceptically, ‘Klingons! Like you can discuss anything with them.’

‘Bones…’ Jim shook his head in warning.

Spock jumped in, ‘Captain, what exactly have the discussions pertained to?’

‘The relationship of Tahli with both the Federation and the Klingon Empire. They are even considering joining the Federation or the Klingons,’ Jim answered.

‘What do the Ashtahli hope to gain? Have they said?’ Uhura asked curiously.

Jim nodded, ‘Yes, they’ve been quite frank about it. And we’ve been given official clearance to be generous in our negotiations with the Ashtahli. They are looking for support in further developing their planet and culture, for access to more advanced technology, opportunities for Ashtahli citizens to access advanced education and the protection of a strong alliance with a greater power.’

Scotty laughed, ‘Aye is that all? And dare I ask what’s the Federation hoping to get for their trouble? In fact, what do the Klingons hope to get out of them? They’re hardly known for being generous.’

Jim cleared his throat, ‘Tahli does happen to have significant dilithium deposits, as does Tahli’s second and third moons.’

‘Aye, she does, does she?’ Scotty replied, ‘Well, just so we all understand everyone’s motivations.’

‘I think you’ll find the Ashtahli understands everyone’s motivations very well,’ Jim answered with a grin, ‘They are quite open to discussing mining rights.’

‘And what do we know of the Ashtahli people?’ Uhura asked leaning forward in her chair.

‘As I said, they are frank. Honest to the point of tactlessness,’ Jim said.

‘Like the Betazoids?’ Uhura asked.

‘Yes, rather like the Betazoids I understand.’

‘Are they telepathic?’ Spock inquired.

‘No. In fact, they are psi null,’ Jim answered, ‘however, they place great cultural value on honesty. It is the cornerstone of their society. Deceit of any kind is considered abhorrent. Getting caught in what they’d consider a lie, including what by human standards we might consider merely tact, will not work in our favour. We will need to adjust our behaviour accordingly.’

Bones snorted, ‘Well, that’s just fine. How are you going to manage diplomacy without your usual bullshit, Jim?’

‘I don’t bullshit, Bones,’ Jim replied, instinctively catching Spock’s eye for support. But he was disappointed. He found Spock’s eyebrow quirked again. 

‘Captain,’ Spock answered, ‘while you do not frequently lie directly, you are most proficient in exaggerating, implying and lying by omission. If the Ashtahli value honesty as the highest virtue, it would be unwise to use any of these arts during the negotiations.’

Jim sighed running his hand through his hair, ‘Well, as I said, we’ll need to adjust our behaviour accordingly. I can be tactless.’

McCoy snorted again and Scotty attempted to choke down his laughter. 

‘What about the language, Captain?’ Uhura jumped in, diverting the conversation back to more productive topics. 

Jim nodded, ‘There’s already been sufficient communications with the Federation for our universal translators to function. The language sample is being loaded into the translation matrix as we speak. However, there remain a significant number of common words that are not able to be perfectly translated into Standard. You will play a crucial role, Uhura, in helping us to understand the nuances of the Ashtahli language and ensuring that there are no miscommunications between us.’

Uhura nodded, ‘I’ll do my best, Captain.’

‘I know you will,’ Jim smiled proudly at Uhura before continuing, ‘There’s also a cultural ritual we’ll be expected to participate in. The Ashtahli create a kind of truth serum called talesh out of a native plant. Before any form of negotiation it is mandatory for at least one representative from each party to take the truth serum and speak under its effects. On Tahli any negotiation that is not preceded by this ritual is considered unlawful. The effects of the truth serum are temporary. In fact, it only lasts five to ten Earth minutes so it will have worn off before the negotiation itself.’

‘What’s the point if they dinnae use it during the negotiations?’ asked Scotty.

Jim shrugged, ‘A show of good faith, I guess. I suppose it gives the other party the opportunity to receive a truthful answer to several questions before negotiation commences.’

‘Captain,’ Spock said firmly, ‘I will take the serum. I am the logical choice. As Vulcans are incapable of lying the talesh will have no real effect.’

Jim smiled warmly at Spock, his whole face lighting up with delight at yet another example of his first officer’s selfless courage, ‘What would I do without you, Spock?’

One side of Spock’s mouth quirked slightly at Jim’s praise and the tips of his ears flushed a delicate green. 

‘I hate to interrupt this warm and fuzzy moment,’ Bones piped up, ‘But no one is taking anything until I’m sure this serum is safe. Talesh could be damn well anything.’

Jim tore his gaze away from Spock, ‘And that’s why you’re a key part of the negotiation party, Bones. You’ll perform an analysis of the serum while Spock, Uhura and I do the initial meet and greet. When you are satisfied the serum is safe, Spock will perform the ritual and we’ll all get down to negotiations.’

‘And my role, Captain?’ Scotty asked.

‘You’ll have the conn while we are planet-side,’ Jim answered, running his hand through his hair, ‘Diplomatic missions such as this one are always a bit dicey. It should be straight forward, all calm negotiations and friendly cultural exchange. But as we all know, during diplomatic missions we are often one miscommunication away from utter chaos. I’ll need you to be on the ball up here, ready to respond at a moment’s notice, and ready pull us out quickly if necessary.’

‘Certainly, Captain,’ Scotty replied. 

‘Captain, is there anything else that we already know about the Ashtahli people?’ Uhura asked.

Jim nodded, ‘yes, there’s one more thing: the Ashtahli are sequential hermaphrodites. It seems that all sexual life forms on Tahli are.’

‘Fascinating…’ Spock whispered.

Jim’s eyes flicked to those of his first officer to take in the wonder he knew would be sparkling there. Curiosity, wonder, awe, whatever name you give the feeling, it seemed to be the one emotion that Vulcans allowed themselves to indulge in.

Sure enough, Spock was gazing at Jim with wide-eyed wonder, ‘Captain, how exactly does sequential hermaphroditism present in the Ashtahli?’

‘The Ashtahli are born female.’ Jim answered pleased to satisfy his first officer’s scientific curiosity, ‘It seems that the process of transformation into males is sparked by successful reproduction. I’m afraid that’s all we know so far.’

‘That may have created significant cultural differences,’ Uhura replied thoughtfully, ‘coupled with the Ashtahli’s valuing of honesty, and the fact that the Ashtahli have not yet found their place in the universe, we’ll have to tread quite delicately, Captain.’

‘Agreed,’ Jim replied, ‘Any further thoughts?’

Everyone shook their head in unison except Spock who replied, ‘Negative, Captain.’

‘Right, well we are due to arrive at Tahli in two standard days. We’ll make diplomatic contact at the beginning of the alpha shift, on which we’ll all be scheduled. Spock, please ensure that our rosters are updated accordingly. Until then, back to your usual duties everyone.’

Uhura, McCoy and Scotty began to file out of the room, talking amongst themselves. Spock bent over his PADD, checking the rosters to ensure that the team was scheduled together on the appropriate alpha shift. Jim stayed, waiting for Spock to complete his task. As Spock finished altering the roster and raised his eyes Jim grinned widely, ‘Thanks for volunteering to take the serum, Spock.’

Spock nodded, ‘I am the logical choice.’

Jim chuckled, ‘Well, I certainly don’t think anyone else would have volunteered. Even I wouldn’t feel too comfortable with taking a truth serum.’

Spock raised an eyebrow, ‘I am quite comfortable with speaking the truth and as the Ashtahli are comfortable with hearing it, ingesting a truth serum can be of no importance.’  
Jim’s blue eyes sparkled and he sighed, ‘I really don’t know what I’d do without you, Spock.’

Spock leaned forward slightly and replied with gravity, ‘Jim, I don’t intend to leave you to find out.’

They held each other’s gaze for a beat, and Jim could feel something, he didn’t know what, but something bubble up inside. He could feel himself beginning to move his mouth, trying to find a voice to express whatever it was, when Spock stood, adjusted his science blues and said, ‘I should return to my station, Captain.’

He strode out the room leaving Jim feeling dazed. He sat in the briefing room for a moment or two, allowing the warm bubbling something to settle. Once he’d gathered his thoughts he strode confidently to the command chair, continuing to ponder their latest mission.


	2. Chapter 2

McCoy was the last person to step onto the transporter pad. Jim smiled at him and looked around at his team, ‘Alright, everyone?’

‘Affirmative, Captain,’ Spock replied as Uhura nodded and McCoy muttered something about getting on with the damn thing. 

‘Ready, Scotty?’ Jim asked.

‘Aye, Captain, ready when you are,’ Scotty replied.

‘Energise,’ Jim ordered.

Scotty expertly handled the controls and the team disappeared from the Enterprise, reappearing in a large conference room on Tahli. The room was elegant, with a floor that appeared to be made of marble and wide, open windows through which shone the orange glow of Tahli’s sun. 

They found themselves facing three male Ashtahli. The Ashtahli were humanoid in appearance, however, their skin had an orange sheen that wasn’t simply from Tahli sunlight. The sides of their face had small tentacle-like protrusions that wiggled occasionally. They wore their hair long and twisted into a bun pinned on top of their head. 

Jim stepped forward confidently, his universal translator automatically translating Jim’s standard into the Ashtahli’s native tongue, ‘Greetings, Ashtahli. I am James Kirk, Captain of the Enterprise, this is my first officer, Commander Spock, and my senior officers Lieutenant Nyota Uhura and Doctor Leonard McCoy. Uhura is a skilled xenolinguist and McCoy is our chief medical officer. We greet the Ashtahli on behalf of the United Federation of Planets.’

One of the three Ashtahli stepped forward, speaking in his own tongue which the universal translators automatically translated into standard for the benefit of the Enterprise crew. As the translator did so, it made a dinging noise to indicate any words that were not adequately translated, ‘The Ashtahli accept your greetings and return them. I am Tarosh the Grand grandfather *ding* and leader of the Ashtahli people. This is Amresh, my second in command, and Lareng, my scribe and clutch *ding* sister-mate *ding*. We are surprised to find that someone so young *ding* is part of your party. Does this reflect a lack of respect for the Ashtahli people?’

Jim frowned, looking at his team, ‘Apologies. Who are you referring to?’

Tarosh gestured towards Uhura, ‘the young *ding* one of course.’

Nyota stepped forward, ‘Greetings to the Ashtahli people. I am not significantly younger than my companions. I am female.’

Tarosh’s tentacle-like facial protrusions wiggled rapidly, ‘I understand. Your differences have been explained to us. We still find it difficult to fully comprehend.’

Nyota smiled, ‘That is quite understandable. Comprehending the diversity of life within the universe is both a challenge and a great source of joy.’

‘This is true,’ Tarosh replied and both Amresh and Lareng nodded in agreement. 

Nyota continued, ‘you may have noticed our universal translators make a noise to indicate that the translation of a particular word is inexact. Please feel free to clarify the meaning of any of our words with us to ensure that there are no misunderstandings. May I please clarify the meaning of the words Grand grandfather to the Ashtahli people?’

Tarosh nodded, his tentacles quivering, ‘Certainly. A grandfather*ding* is an older man, who has proven himself in honesty and wisdom. Leaders are chosen from the ranks of the grandfathers*ding* and are referred to as Grand grandfathers*ding*.’

Nyota smiled, ‘Thank-you Grand grandfather. May I also clarify the nature of your relationship with Lareng?’

Tarosh nodded towards Lareng, ‘Lareng and I were bonded, along with our five other clutch *ding* sister-mates*ding* when we came into full womanhood. In doing so, we formed a new clutch*ding*.’

Lareng added, ‘We share our lives and our offspring.’

Nyota nodded, ‘I understand. You are partners and family.’

Tarosh and Lareng nodded with Tarosh answering, ‘This is true.’

Amresh pointed to Spock, ‘you do not look the same as the others or the same as the Terrans we spoke to previously. Why is that?’

Spock raised an eyebrow, ‘Indeed not. I am Vulcan. In fact, to be exact, I am half Vulcan and half human.’

Amresh nodded, ‘We have not met any Vulcans but we have heard of them. We did not know that half-breeds were possible. Is interspecies breeding common in the Federation?’

Jim’s eyes darted straight to Spock. Spock’s hands were clasped behind his back and his posture rigid, ‘Interspecies relationships are not uncommon and are considered morally and socially acceptable by most Federation citizens. There are several species within the Federation that are compatible for reproductive purposes, although the rates of reproductive success are lower. People such as myself, with ancestry that spans two Federation species are not common but we do exist and our numbers are rising. ’

‘I see…’ Amresh replied thoughtfully. 

‘Perhaps we should begin negotiations?’ Jim asked, hoping to end a conversation that had the potential to become increasingly uncomfortable for his first officer. 

‘Yes, yes, we should progress to the Talesh ceremony, James Kirk,’ Tarosh said decisively, ‘then we may begin our negotiations.’ 

Jim smiled, ‘Certainly. Before the ceremony our chief medical officer, Dr McCoy, will need to examine the Talesh to ensure that it is safe for our physiology.’

Tarosh nodded, ‘Very well,’ and Amresh produced two small vials of liquid from within his robes, handing them over to McCoy. McCoy thanked Amresh and began to scan the liquid with his tricorder.

While McCoy was examining the Talesh, Tarosh explained the ceremony, ‘Before negotiations one member of each of our parties drinks the Talesh. It will take effect within moments. We state the truth. I shall participate for our party. Who will participate for you?’

Jim gestured to Spock, ‘Our first officer, Spock, has volunteered.’

‘Ah!’ Amresh exclaimed, ‘We have heard it said that Vulcans cannot lie. Can you lie, half-breed?’

‘It is more accurate to say that Vulcans consider deceit to be illogical and so we aim to speak what is true at all times,’ answered Spock with gravity, ‘I am as committed to the teachings of Surak as any Vulcan.’ 

‘This is true,’ replied Tarosh, ‘As our philosopher and grandfather *ding* Kaveshti said so long ago, “I ground myself in the truth”’

‘Vulcans also ground themselves in what is true and logical,’ Spock replied with a lift of an eyebrow.

‘This is true,’ Tarosh answered, ‘I believe the Vulcans and the Ashtahli would understand each other well.’

‘I agree,’ Spock answered.

I’ve finished examining the Talesh and it is safe,’ McCoy jumped in, ‘There is nothing toxic to either human or Vulcan physiology.’

‘Then let’s begin!’ Tarosh replied enthusiastically, his facial tentacles wiggling in delight, ‘I shall prove myself first. Deceit is the first and greatest sin and I purge myself of its presence!’  
Without further ado Tarosh stepped towards McCoy and took a vial of Talesh. He swiftly undid the cap and drank the vial in a single gulp, throwing the empty vial on the floor where it smashed. Shaking slightly he took several deep breaths as tears began sliding down his face.

‘It is in effect,’ Amresh whispered dramatically.

Tarosh began to speak, ‘I have nothing new to declare. I live grounded in the truth. For the record, I will restate some of my significant previous declarations. At the age of twenty-eight I lost a child and I blamed myself. I think of my child often. At the age of thirty I betrayed my clutch*ding* by focussing on my bond to Lareng at the expense of my other clutch sister-mates *ding*. This was wrong and caused great hurt. I have always thought of myself as unworthy. I did not believe I deserved the title Grand grandfather and although I have obeyed the wishes of my clutch and people to take on this role, this thought occurs to me still. I live grounded in the truth.’

Lareng called out, ‘I witness the truth of Tarosh. All that is declared has been declared previously. Tarosh lives grounded in the truth.’

Tarosh wiped his eyes and hugged Lareng, ‘Thank-you my clutch*ding* sister-mate *ding*.’

McCoy slipped over to Spock and whispered, ‘you sure you still want to do this? This is more like a personal confession.’

Spock raised an eyebrow, ‘The ceremony is not exactly as we expected. However, it still involves simply telling the truth and it is necessary for one of us to partake in it. I remain the logical choice.’

Jim’s gaze flicked to Spock’s, his brow furrowing in worry, ‘yeah, but are you still comfortable with this, Spock? This isn’t quite what we imagined. If it was me I’d be freaking out right now.’  
Spock straightened his science blues, ‘Then it is fortunate that Vulcans do not freak out. All the more reason why I am the logical choice.’

Jim examined Spock’s face carefully, unsure of what to do. But he recognised the fiercely determined glint in Spock’s eye and realised that Spock was going to do this with or without Jim’s say so. Finally, Jim sighed, ‘If you are sure you can handle it.’

Spock nodded and stepped towards the Ashtahli, ‘I believe it is my turn.’

McCoy passed Spock the second vial of Talesh and Spock drank it quickly. At first Spock appeared unmoved but then his hands began to clench and he swayed. With a howl he collapsed on the floor, dropping the vial.

‘It is in effect,’ Amresh whispered.

Jim felt his heart crack. This was a mistake. He should have pulled rank. He should have ordered Spock back to the ship and taken the damn truth serum himself. Spock looked as if he was in physical pain. His face was contorted into the same grim expression that was burned into Jim’s memory. The expression he wore in what should have been Jim’s final moments, the expression he wore as Jim asked him how to turn off his feelings and held his hand to the glass…

Spock began to speak, ‘I do not belong anywhere… I am not Vulcan enough, not human enough… I am responsible for the destruction of Vulcan. How can I bear that weight? How can I make up for the mistakes of another lifetime? My mother… My own mother… I wasn’t fast enough… I failed her. She died because I wasn’t fast enough. Nyota, Nyota, I failed you too. I could not be enough for you. I should have admitted that sooner. Instead, I hurt you. Jim, oh, Jim… watching you die broke my heart… we are t’hy’la… Why could I not see this before? How did I not recognise my own t’hy’la? Oh, I was afraid to admit it. Afraid of rejection. Ashamed of the strength of my feelings. Jim, we are t’hy’la…’

Spock’s voice trailed off and he took great heaving breaths as he came back to himself.

Lareng called out, ‘I witness the truth of Spock. New declarations are made. New revelations have been found. May Spock come to know the truth and live in it fully.’

Jim rushed forward to Spock. He wanted to gather him in his arms but instead he knelt beside him whispering, ‘Spock, are you okay?’

Spock’s face began to harden into a rigid Vulcan mask, ‘I am functional, Captain.’

‘What do you need, Spock? Meditation?’ Jim asked quietly.

‘I will mediate at the next opportune moment,’ Spock answered.

‘The next opportune moment is right now, Spock,’ Jim smiled gently, ‘I’m getting you out of here. We can continue negotiations tomorrow.’

Spock opened his mouth to protest but Jim waved the protests away, ‘That’s an order, Commander.’

‘Very well, Captain,’ Spock answered resigned. 

Jim stood and looked towards the Ashtahli. After witnessing the effects of the Talesh on Spock Jim was furious and he expected the Ashtahli to be look apologetic. Instead, they looked furious too. 

Jim took a deep breath to steady himself, ‘Grand grandfather of the Ashtahli, we have participated in your traditional ceremony as a show of good faith. We respectfully ask to postpone the negotiations until tomorrow.’

The Ashtahli’s facial tentacles thrashed about wildly as Tarosh spoke with venom, ‘There are no further negotiations, Captain Kirk. Spock has brought shame to the Federation. Never have I seen such a failure. And to witness such a failure by one in the full bloom of manhood*ding*, by one who we were told cannot lie! What a horrific deceit to attempt upon the Ashtahli people! His revelations were many. Even a young woman *ding* knows the truth of her bonds. It is unheard of for a man*ding* to experience such revelations! Koloth of the Klingon Empire has greater understanding of his own truths.’

Jim bit his lip to stop himself from tearing Tarosh to shreds. He took another steadying breath, ‘I don’t think we truly understood the nature of your ceremony or the effects of the Talesh. Vulcans live by logic. They do not experience their emotional lives as Terrans or the Ashtahli do.’

Amresh spluttered, ‘Then they lie to themselves and to all they interact with, bringing shame and sin to the Federation. For as Kaveshti said “all that is wrong stems from lies”.’

‘Now listen here,’ McCoy piped up angrily.

‘Bones,’ Jim glared at McCoy warningly, ‘don’t…’

Jim turned back to the Ashtahli, ‘On behalf of the Federation, we apologise for any offence given. We shall contact the Ashtahli people tomorrow in the hopes that we may continue our negotiations.’

Jim contacted Scotty without even waiting to hear the Ashtahli’s reply, ‘Four to beam up, Scotty.’

‘Aye, Captain,’ Scotty answered, ‘Have you out in a jiffy.’

A moment later the angry faces of the Ashtahli disappeared and they found themselves back on the ship. 

The moment they materialised Jim began issuing orders, ‘Spock, you are on leave for 24 hours effective immediately- no arguments. Bones, you are to accompany Spock to his quarters. Give him a quick once over to check he is doing okay medically and then give him the space he needs. And Spock, if you need anything in the meantime you tell us, alright?’

Spock nodded, ‘Very well, Captain.’

Spock and Bones left for Spock’s quarters.

‘Wee bit a trouble, then, Captain?’ Scotty asked.

‘Total cock up, Scotty,’ Jim replied, ‘but we’ll try again with some gentle diplomacy tomorrow. Uhura, you’re with me.’

Jim marched determined through the ship to the briefing room with Uhura following. He opened the door, waved her in and as the door shut he yelled, ‘Damn! I shouldn’t have let him take it. I should have taken it my damn well self.’

‘He did seem to be the logical choice, Captain,’ Nyota replied in a deliberately calming tone, ‘He will be okay. He survived the destruction of his home planet, he can survive being forced to confront a few emotional truths. He’s strong like that.’

Jim nodded and breathed out slowly, ‘Yeah, he is. Nyota, you know what I’m going to ask, right?’

Nyota sighed shaking her head, ‘Yeah and you should be asking him.’

‘Well,’ Jim replied, ‘I’m asking you. I’m asking as a friend. I want to be prepared before I speak to him. I don’t want to make this worse for him somehow. What does t’hy’la mean?’

Nyota smiled sympathetically, ‘The thing is, Jim, I don’t know.’

‘How can you not know?’ Jim asked, shocked, ‘You are fluent in Vulcan aren’t you?’

‘Vulcans have a layered culture, Jim,’ Nyota answered carefully, ‘they have a surface culture that they share openly, and a deeper culture that they do not share with outsiders, that is private, taboo even. Much of the deeper culture represents values and concepts that pre-date Surak’s teachings, concepts that are not openly acknowledged and yet still inform Vulcan society at its core. As I do not know the meaning of the word t’hy’la it is likely that it is a concept from this deeper culture, a concept that pre-dates Surak. There is also the fact that Spock’s universal translator did not attempt a translation into standard. The universal translator is programmed to keep words from Federation languages in the original tongue if there is no acceptable translation into standard. It is usually the case that such words are universally understood by Federation citizens.’

Jim sighed, ‘So I’m something to Spock, something that is important in the deeper Vulcan culture pre-dating Surak, something we don’t even have a word for in standard? And he’s just realised this?’

Nyota nodded, ‘Something that cannot be adequately translated into a single word, yes. It is likely that Spock would be able to explain the concept to you using standard, Jim.’  
Jim nodded and smiled sadly, ‘Thanks, Nyota.’

Nyota stood to leave, ‘Sorry it was such a stuff up today, Captain.’

‘Not your fault,’ Jim replied, ‘Oh, Nyota, you are doing okay right? I mean about what Spock said about you?’

Nyota smiled, ‘Of course, nothing I didn’t already know,’ and she left the room.

Jim sighed and whispered to himself, ‘So, Spock, I’m your t’hy’la…but what does that mean?’


	3. Chapter 3

Spock was relieved to finally be alone. The solitude allowed him to relax the rigid control he had been holding over his physical body. Shaking, he collapsed on his bed. He was in desperate need of meditation. He hadn’t been so overwhelmed by emotion since he watched Jim die, and before that since the destruction of Vulcan. 

The Talesh had torn all controls from his mind, had forced him to relive the emotions of these events in all their raw horror. It had made it impossible for him to lie to himself about how he felt. He closed his eyes but could still see his mother falling in front of him, could feel his own hand reaching out. Too slow. Too slow. 

Tears ran down his face and he allowed himself, in the privacy of his own quarters, a minute or two to sob like a human child. Then, slowly, carefully, he gathered himself up. It was time to be Vulcan again. He walked carefully to his meditation space and lit his meditation lamp. He allowed the familiarity of the ritual to calm him. Sitting carefully with a straight back he thought through his experiences under the effect of the Talesh, carefully observing and understanding each of the emotions. The meditation allowed him to be in control of the emotions, observing them rather than being overwhelmed by them. 

It took hours but slowly, gradually he was able to contain the trauma of the loss of Vulcan, the loss of his mother and the loneliness that was a result of being so unique, of being half Vulcan and half human. He relived the moments of Vulcan’s destruction, of his last moments with his mother, and of being bullied as a child. Of course, the basic facts - that Vulcan was gone, that his mother was dead, and that he had been bullied as a child – the facts were not new. He had known all of that before. In fact, even his emotional reactions to the facts were not new experiences. He had felt all of that grief, sadness and rage before. But, Spock realised, he often lived with these basic truths set aside. He did not live grounded in these truths. 

He often, moment by moment, simply lied to himself about how it felt about it all. He often pretended that he was coping far better with the tragedy and the trauma that he had experienced than he really was. He had learned not to fully acknowledge his grief in the day to day moments of his life. Although it meant he could function, for the first time he wondered at the cost of this. 

Reluctantly, Spock confronted the fact that this way of coping was not truly the path of Surak. Instead, he was, in an all too human way, twisting the truth. Spock resolved to meditate regularly on these past traumas, to fully process his own ongoing emotional reactions in accordance with Surak’s teachings rather than simply denying them as he had been doing.  
He turned his mind next to his realisations about his relationship with Nyota and he had to acknowledge the truth of it. He was incapable of fulfilling Nyota’s needs and he should have known that from the beginning. His regard for her, while great and lasting, was only ever that of a friend. He had fooled himself otherwise. He had been fearful of reaching his time unbonded and he was flattered by Nyota’s interest. After a lonely childhood and the rejection of his Vulcan peers, her interest stroked his ego. He had also found a relationship with a human woman, an intelligent and kind human woman, deeply comforting. She had reminded him of his mother. Although his motivations were understandable, none of it was an excuse for hurting Nyota as he had done. He had wasted years of her life on a relationship that could not possibly fulfil her basic needs. Slowly, gradually, Spock processed these basic truths and his emotional reactions to them. He was relieved that their relationship had already ended. But it was distressing to realise that his regard for her had always fallen short of what it should have been, that he had deluded himself in such a manner that he had hurt her greatly. He resolved to apologise to Nyota and to always value her friendship.

Finally, he turned to the most shocking realisation. Jim was his t’hy’la. Spock found himself flooded with a wave of joy and relief. A t'hy'la was not something Spock had ever imagined he would have. Although he rarely thought in such human concepts, he found himself thinking that he was lucky. But then he turned to the implications of such a bond, to the potential. Jim valued his friendship, this he knew. Perhaps Jim could even consider him a brother of sorts. But Jim was not attracted to him physically. Spock had never detected any hint of attraction on Jim’s part and Jim did not hide his attraction to others. In fact, Jim openly flaunted his feelings of attraction. Besides, even if Spock was wrong about that, even if Jim could be attracted to Spock physically, Jim would not want an ongoing romantic relationship and Spock could not engage in a temporary physical relationship with Jim. He could not engage in a temporary anything with his t’hy’la.

What of the bond itself? The telepathic bond normally grows and develops naturally through shared intimacy. Without a physical relationship that would not happen. Of course, there were ways of deliberately growing such a bond without intimacy through a series of careful mind melds. But Jim would not agree to that either. Humans, like most psi-null species did not relish in the idea of a telepathic bond as Vulcans did. Instead, they feared it. What was refuge to a Vulcan was a nightmare to a human. Spock knew, all too well, what a precious rarity is own mother had been. Few, very few humans, found the prospect of a telepathic bond satisfying. All the more reason, of course, why Jim would never consent to a physical relationship even if he could develop some kind of physical attraction to Spock. 

And so they were t’hy’la but they would never be all that t’hy’la could be. Their bond would remain a vestigial, a potential rather than an actuality.

Oh, that hurt. Spock touched the vestigial bond gently in his mind. There was something achingly painful about acknowledging this potential t’hy’la bond and knowing it would never be fully realised. Ah, this was the pain that he had been protecting himself from when he denied the truth of their relationship. But now, now Spock knew he would accept whatever Jim could give him. This vestigial bond alone was a precious thing. Jim was worth it. 

He would not inflict upon Jim the distress of having to explain to Spock that he did not want to be more than friends, that he did not want a telepathic bond with Spock. He would not inflict upon Jim the discomfort of knowing that one of his closest friends desired such things from him. And, he would not inflict the humiliation of rejection upon himself. He could spare himself from that. 

Slowly, gradually, he worked through his realisation and his emotions. Reaching the end of his meditation session it was late at night. Spock was utterly exhausted, a sensation that he did not experience often. He replicated some plomeek soup and ate it slowly, in a room still darkened for meditation. Finishing his dinner, he had a quick sonic shower and climbed into bed. His realisations still weighted heavily on his mind and he thought he might have difficulty sleeping. But his physical exhaustion won out. Sleep came quickly and easily.


	4. Chapter 4

Jim woke early, filled with the certain knowledge that there was only one solution, only one thing that could be offered to the Ashtahli at this point. He asked to be put through to Tarosh immediately and he offered it. It took all of Jim’s diplomacy and charm but he managed to convince Tarosh to give the Federation another chance. 

Jim left his quarters buzzing with energy. Yet, he still paused for a moment in the corridor, his eyes finding Spock’s door. He considered for a moment calling on Spock first but decided against it. He had given Spock 24 hours leave and 24 hours was not yet up. He would allow his friend the dignity of restoring his controls before they spoke. Decision made, he strolled briskly to the transporter. 

As he walked he shifted through his own past traumas and personal truths in his mind. His father’s death. Of course, it’ll start there. The guilt Jim felt when he outlived him. The constant feeling of rejection: rejected by his dad who couldn’t even live for him, rejected his mum who sought solace in her career, rejected by Sam who left as soon as his could. Frank. Frank and his ferocious anger and venomous tongue. The anger that had coursed through Jim whenever Frank raged and cut him with his words. How the anger had turned to poison in his stomach as he swallowed it down again and again. Until he could swallow it down no longer and it had exploded all over the place. Tarsus IV. The gnawing hunger. The certain knowledge of what he would do to survive, because he’d actually done it. Jim Kirk would willingly exchange his body for bread if he was hungry enough. He could never forget that ugly truth. The nagging self-doubt that showed up with a vengeance whenever something happened to one of his crew. The absolute terror he’d felt while dying. The fact that all of his bravado was nothing more than an act.   
He would not relish recalling all of that, especially not to strangers. But he’d do it and he’d survive. Jim didn’t talk about his past often. But he didn’t bury his trauma deep inside as Spock did either. He didn’t pretend to be ‘functional’. In fact, Jim had spent his younger years taking the exact opposite approach, being as openly and flamboyantly dysfunctional as possible. Of course, he’d moved on from that. But he’d confess it all, calmly declaring each truth as Tarosh had done. He’d pass the test. They’d get to the negotiations. Another win for Starfleet. 

When Jim arrived at the transporter room Scotty was there already, waiting for him.

‘Better luck this time, eh, Captain?’ Scotty asked.

‘Let’s hope so, Scotty,’ Jim smiled, ‘I want you ready to beam me out quickly again.’

‘Aye,’ Scotty answered, ‘I’ll be ready, Captain.’

‘Good,’ Jim replied, stepping onto the transporter pad, ‘Energise.’

The Enterprise faded around Jim and he found himself back in the conference room on Tahli. Tarosh, Amresh and Lareng were waiting for him. Amresh held a vial of Talesh.

‘Thank-you Grand grandfather for granting the Federation a second chance,’ Jim said nodding to Tarosh.

Tarosh’s facial tentacles wiggled, ‘As you pointed out, there is no cost to the Ashtahli in allowing you to the opportunity to prove yourself. It is possible the fault lies within the Vulcan race.’

Jim swallowed back his instinctive rage as at the casual bigotry, ‘I will take the Talesh now.’

‘Very well,’ Tarosh answered, ‘Amresh, pass Captain Kirk the Talesh.’

Amresh passed the vial to Jim who swallowed it in a single gulp. Shaking he collapsed onto his hands and knees. 

‘It is in effect,’ Amresh called out.

Jim’s mind fluttered with images and insights. But none of it was what he had expected. None of it was what he had prepared for. He heard himself speak and knew his words were true, ‘Spock…oh dear God…I am in love with Spock… I…I…love him?! He’s like, like my soul mate or something. I love him so much. How did I not realise? I’m madly in love with my first officer… He’ll never reciprocate…What am I going to do?’

Jim felt the effects fading and he realised his cheeks were damp with tears. He heard Lareng call out, ‘I witness the truth of Kirk. New declarations are made. New revelations have been found. May James Kirk come to know the truth and live in it fully.’

Jim stood slowly, absolutely despondent, knowing what was coming. He’d failed. 

‘This is an outrage!’ Tarosh shouted, his facial tentacles waving angrily, ‘How can it be that a Federation citizen of such rank, a respected starship captain, a supposed hero, a person in whom we are expected to trust, does not even know the nature of his own bonds? How can you feel a bond to your halfbreed first officer and remain in ignorance of this fact? By lying to yourself you have lied to everyone. You are not a man *ding*, you are not even a woman *ding*, you are an infant. We are expected to make deals with children!’

Instantly, Jim’s sadness turned to anger and he yelled back, ‘No, Tarosh, you are expected to make deals with humans and Vulcans. You are expected to understand that not everyone in the universe is Ashtahli. You are expected to understand our ways as we are trying to understand yours. Instead you simply judge us as inferior Ashtahli. I think you’ll find it is the Ashtahli people who need to mature, who need to grow up and find a place within the universe as an adult species. And don’t you dare call Spock a halfbreed again. It’s offensive.’

Without pausing Jim opened his communicator, ‘Now, Scotty, get me out of here.’

‘Aye, Captain,’ and the room dissolved. Jim was once again standing on the transporter pad.

‘Another cock up, Captain?’ Scotty asked, frowning at Jim’s blotchy face.

‘Yeah, an even bigger one, Scotty,’ Jim replied, ‘I need a moment. I’ll be in my quarters.’

‘Aye, Captain,’ Scotty answered, his face twisted in concern. 

Jim walked to his quarters quickly, deliberately taking a path he knew would be deserted at this time of day. As his door shut behind him he breathed a sigh of relief. But he only got to enjoy his solitude for a moment before his door chime sounded. 

Jim sighed as he opened his door to see McCoy, ‘Yes, what is it, Bones?’

‘Scotty sent me over,’ McCoy replied.

‘Oh he did, did he?’ Jim said grouchily as he waved him in, ‘Remind me to thank him for that later.’

‘You failed it too, didn’t you?’ McCoy asked.

Jim sighed and ran his hand through his hair, ‘Who am I speaking to? My chief medical officer or my friend?’

‘Both, Jim,’ McCoy smiled gently, ‘whoever you need me to be.’

Jim shook his head, ‘Fine. Yeah, I failed… May have been less than diplomatic about it too.’

‘Good,’ McCoy replied, ‘I hope you tore them to shreds.’

Jim smiled weakly.

‘Was it your father, Jim?’ McCoy said softly.

Jim shook his head.

‘Frank?’

Jim shook his head again.

‘Tarsus?’ 

‘Shit, Bones, stop guessing. It wasn’t any of that,’ Jim replied, ‘that’s not how it works. I don’t go telling everyone I meet about Frank or Tarsus but I don’t lie to myself about it. Talesh makes you face up to your own bullshit. That’s how it works.’

‘And what was that, Jim?’ McCoy asked gently.

Jim sighed, ‘I don’t want to talk about it.’

‘Alright, fair enough,’ McCoy said, ‘well, if you ever do want to talk about it you know where to find me.’

‘Thanks, Bones.’

‘And you’ve got 24 hours medical leave.’

‘Bones,’ Jim whined, ‘I just need 10 minutes to myself. That’s all. Then I can be right back on the bridge.’

‘You gave Spock 24 hours and you are taking 24 hours too. I insist.’ McCoy said assertively. 

‘Alright, fine,’ Jim said, ‘but what am I supposed to do with that time?’ 

‘Try meditation?’ McCoy replied smiling.

‘Get out of here, Bones,’ Jim said.

‘Alright, I’m leaving, but call me if you need me,’ McCoy replied, Jim’s door shutting behind him as he left. 

Jim poured himself a scotch and took a seat. His feelings for Spock seemed so obvious now. 

Man, he thought to himself, I’ve been in love with him for a long time. I’ve got a bad case of unrequited love for my first officer. How the hell am I supposed to survive that?


	5. Chapter 5

After spending several hours stewing about his situation Jim was no closer to knowing what he should do. Not that there was a plethora of options. In essence, his choice amounted to either quietly pining away or taking a risk and declaring himself to Spock. 

Taking the risk sure sounded like the Jim Kirk way. He certainly had a reputation for taking chances. But, not like this… not like this…

The realisation that he was in love with Spock had reopened a very old and deep wound. Jim’s childhood was stained by rejection. Everyone he loved had left. His dad. His mum. Sam. Of course, he knew that his dad hadn’t wanted to leave, hadn’t wanted to die. But there’s something about sharing your birthday with the death of your father that makes you feel that maybe you just weren’t worth living for. Of course, as an adult he now understood that his mum had needed to withdraw into work, that it was the only way she knew how to weather the grief. But he still had a whole host of memories of being unable to reach her, of being quietly pushed aside. He also understood why Sam had left. He was only a kid too. Jim was long past holding it against him. But it had still left him so alone and with no one to defend him against Frank whose vicious, nasty words had etched themselves into Jim’s heart. 

Loving Spock brought all of that vulnerability flooding back. It wasn’t just that Spock could reject him — heart breaking as that would be — Spock’s rejection could tear Jim’s whole world apart. Jim had healed his childhood wounds by taking on the Enterprise as his home and her crew as his family. His new family was loyal, accepting and strong and with them on his side, Jim could do anything. They grounded him and Spock was a big part of that. Spock was one of the linchpins that held the Enterprise family together. Jim wouldn’t be half the Captain he was without Spock as his First Officer. If he fucked things up with Spock, his new family might fall apart. Jim knew firsthand that even the best of families could simply unravel if the right person was removed. A life of desperate pining seemed to be his only option.

Jim sighed as tried to think about something other than his aching heart. But then his thoughts jumped to the Ashtahli and the complete diplomatic cock up the past two days had been. Once he was off medical leave he would have to complete his report. How was he going to explain their failure? He’d have to find a way to explain the effects of Talosh without tempting Fleet’s powers-that-be into demanding to know what exactly he’d confessed. Or what Spock had confessed for that matter.

Jim began to pace his quarters. This wouldn’t do. He had to get out. Jim changed into his red exercise clothes and headed for the gymnasium. Jim chose one of the deserted rooms. He wasn’t in the mood for chit chat. He chose a treadmill; deliberately pushing himself to run as fast as possible for as long as possible. He ran and ran until his muscles burned, sweat poured down his body and his mind started to go gently fuzzy around the edges. He ran hard until everything else fell away. Finally, he jumped off and collapsed to the ground gasping for air; exhausted. 

‘Captain…’

Jim looked up to see Spock standing in front of him in his science blues. He’d been so focused on running he hadn’t heard him come in. Spock. His heart squeezed. Dear God he’s beautiful. Jim felt his mouth automatically curve into a smile. Of course I’m in love with him. 

‘Captain, are you well?’ Spock asked, his head titled to one side.

Jim’s breathing had begun to steady. He nodded, ‘Yeah, I’ll be alright. So, you know…’ Jim’s voice trailed off.

‘Both Scotty and McCoy reported to me,’ Spock answered, ‘I understand that you made a second attempt at establishing negotiations with the Ashtahli early this morning. You ingested the Talosh and the Ashtahli considered your reaction to be less than satisfactory.’

Jim laughed, ‘They weren’t satisfied. That’s for sure.’

Spock moved closer, studying Jim carefully, looking for signs of distress no doubt. For one terrifying moment Jim thought Spock was going to ask him what exactly he’d learned under the influence of the Talosh. But, of course, he didn’t. Spock respected privacy. 

Jim began to wipe the sweat off his face with his towel as he said, ‘and how are you doing, Spock?’

Spock straightened, ‘I am functional, Captain. I have re-established my controls.’

It was Jim’s turn to study Spock carefully. He knew from the exact wording of Spock’s answer that Spock was still affected by the nature of his confession under the Talosh. At first Spock returned a steady gaze, his face a Vulcan mask. But then he sighed and his eyes darted to the floor, ‘I am reconsidering the meaning of Surak’s teachings and the manner in which I live them.’

Jim was surprised by this disclosure, ‘What do you mean?’

Spock hesitated a moment before making eye contact with Jim and answering, ‘There are subtle differences between control, in the manner advocated by Surak, and suppression. Subtle, but important.’

Jim nodded thoughtfully, ‘Yeah, there are… It’s like the difference between running to and running from. They are both running. But they are very different actions to take.’

Spock quirked an eyebrow at Jim’s unexpected insight, ‘Precisely.’

Spock’s gaze drifted to the treadmill. Given Jim’s recent activities it was a telling metaphor to have chosen. A moment of silence passed, each pondering the other’s emotional state. Both looking for a way to prompt the other to open up without invading their privacy. 

Jim’s communicator trilled and he flipped it open, ‘Jim here.’

‘Captain,’ Uhura’s voice came through, ‘I understand you’re on medical leave until tomorrow but Tarosh of the Ashtahli wants to speak to you as soon as possible.’

Jim sighed, ‘Alright. I’ll take the call in my quarters. Give me ten to get back there and get changed.’

‘Okay, Captain,’ Uhura replied.

‘Kirk out.’

‘C’mon, Spock,’ Jim said getting up, ‘Tarosh wants to speak. If I’m going to hear what he has to say I want you with me.’

Spock nodded, ‘Very well.’

They moved quickly back to Jim’s quarters. Jim began to strip down to his boxers as soon as his door closed, removing his shirt and then his pants as he walked towards the bathroom door. 

‘How long do I have, Spock?’ he asked, looking back at him from the bathroom door. 

Spock was standing straight and tall in the centre of the room, his eyes fixated on a point in the wall opposite Jim, ‘6.7 minutes, Captain,’ he answered without looking. 

‘Alright,’ Jim replied closing the bathroom door behind him and jumping into a quick shower. It was only when the water began to blast away the sweat that he realised he’d just striped down to his boxers in front of the guy he was crushing on. Jim flushed. Suddenly realising that you are head over heels in love with one of your best friends certainly has extra complexities.

As Jim quickly toweled himself dry he realised that he’d have to parade in front of Spock in his boxers yet again to get to a fresh uniform. Oh, well. He stepped out and matched straight across the room to his wardrobe and quickly donned his command gold. Spock kept carefully looking in the opposite direction until Jim was dressed.

‘Time, Spock?’ Jim asked as he finished pulling on his shirt. 

‘1.5 minutes remaining, Captain,’ Spock answered turning around.

‘Perfect,’ Jim smiled combing his hands through his hair and activating his universal translator. 

Jim pressed the intercom to the bridge, ‘Patch us through, Lieutenant and please remain on standby in case your advice is needed.’

‘Of course, Captain,’ came Uhura’s voice, ‘Patching through with visual?’

‘With visual, Lieutenant.’

‘Patching through now.’

Jim smiled with a warmth he did not feel towards the image of Tarosh. 

Tarosh nodded, ‘Greetings, Captain Kirk.’

‘Greetings, Grand grandfather of the Ashtahli. You remember my First Officer, Commander Spock?’ Jim said, gesturing to Spock on his left, conscious of the subtle ‘I meant what I said’ message implicit in having Spock at his side. 

Tarosh nodded again, ‘Greetings, Commander Spock.’

‘Greetings Grand grandfather,’ Spock replied.

Interesting, thought Jim. It seems that Tarosh is going to be polite. ‘You wanted to talk to us?’ he asked.

‘Yes,’ Tarosh began his facial tentacles wiggling nervously, ‘Your honest words this morning have given us cause for reflection. We honour the sincerity with which you spoke. We have concluded that there was truth in your words. The Ashtahli are as children. We wish to grow up, to find our place in the universe.’

‘I see…’ Jim replied, surprised, ‘you wish to proceed with the negotiations?’

Tarosh’s facial tentacles twitched, ‘We wish to establish a cultural exchange. We hear the truth of your words. We have not understood humans and Vulcans as humans and Vulcans. We must do so if we are to find a place for Ashtahli in the universe. Yet, we find we cannot negotiate without a foundation of honesty. We propose that you spend a week on Tahli. We wish to show you our womanhood *ding* and manhood *ding* rituals. We invite you to participate as much as you feel appropriate. It is our hope that by the end of such a week, we will understand your ways better and you will understand what truth means to us. We can then proceed with the negotiations.’

‘Very well,’ Jim answered as his eyes found Spock’s. Spock read the silent question in Jim’s eyes and he nodded slightly to indicate his consent. Jim continued, ‘Spock, Uhura and I will beam down tomorrow morning.’

‘Being female*ding*, we cannot allow Lieutenant Uhura to witness the manhood *ding* rituals. It would also be inappropriate for her to witness the womanhood*ding* rituals without first participating in our Talosh ceremony. If you wish, we can arrange for a Talosh ceremony for her and she can participate in the womanhood*ding* rituals only.’

‘I see,’ Jim replied thinking this through, ‘the party will be just Spock and myself then. We may need to discuss aspects of the rituals or our communications with Uhura for advice. Would that be culturally appropriate?’

Tarosh nodded, ‘It would. All Ashtahli know what the rituals involve. Like everything it is openly and honestly discussed. It is merely impossible to witness without a degree of participation and readiness.’

‘Very well,’ Jim answered, ‘Spock and I will beam down tomorrow morning.’

‘We appreciate your patience, Captain Kirk,’ Tarosh said, ‘until tomorrow.’

‘Until tomorrow,’ Jim replied and the communication ended. 

‘Well, I thought there was no coming back from this morning,’ Jim laughed running his hand through his hair, ‘getting pissed off and telling them what I really thought was the right move for once.’

‘Indeed. They appreciated your frankness,’ Spock said, ‘it is fortunate that we are getting another chance to establish negotiations.’

‘Yeah,’ Jim said, ‘I wasn’t looking forward to trying to explain our failure to Starfleet.’

‘Precisely,’ Spock replied. 

‘Spock,’ Jim said thoughtfully, ‘Are you sure you are okay to come? You don’t have to…’

‘Affirmative. In fact, I am looking forward to the cultural exchange. I believe it will prove to be quite fascinating…’ Spock replied.

‘Yes,’ Jim smiled warmly, ‘It’s sure to be that. Let’s try to avoid drinking more Talosh though.’

Spock quirked an eyebrow, ‘Indeed.’

Later that night, while getting ready for bed, Jim suddenly remembered that in the shock of his own revelation, he’d never clarified with Spock the nature of his. He was in love with Spock. And Spock thought of him as his t’hy’la. Maybe during the week on Tahli he would get an opportunity to ask what that meant.


	6. Chapter 6

Spock folded each shirt carefully and precisely as he packed his duffel bag for a week’s stay. The task completed, he decided to use his remaining time for a second meditation session. Spock was filled with a certain nervous energy that was making it difficult for him to maintain his physiological controls. It was, in part, fuelled by curiosity about the Ashtahli —an acceptable reason for a Vulcan — however, Spock admitted to himself, he was also anticipating a week in close proximity to Jim. A second session of meditation would be wise.

After spending his remaining time in meditation Spock was successful in regaining appropriate physiological control and attaining a state of calm. Ending his meditation, Spock took his duffel bag and headed straight for the transporter room, finding Jim already there with his own luggage.

‘Right on time, Spock,’ Jim smiled warmly, his face lighting up. 

‘Indeed, Captain,’ Spock replied.

‘You have the coordinates, Scotty?’ Jim asked.

‘Aye, Captain,’ Scotty replied from the controls, ‘they sent them through this morning.’

Jim and Spock stepped onto the transporter pad with their luggage.

‘Ready, Spock?’ Jim nudged him.

Spock nodded. 

‘Energise,’ Jim commanded and the transporter room of the Enterprise disappeared from their sights. Instead, Spock and Jim found themselves standing in a massive garden-filled atrium inside an enormous building. The atrium was buzzing with the social energy of many young female Ashtahli. They strode the paths of the garden together, sat chatting in small and large groups, engaged in athletic pursuits in the open areas and played musical instruments together. Unlike the Ashtahli they had met so far, the young women all wore their hair short and dressed in practical outfits designed for maximum comfort and movement. As Jim and Spock scanned the crowds, they noticed that occasionally there would be an older male Ashtahli walking through the throngs of young women. Against such a background, the older males looked regal with their long flowing robes and long hair styled into tight buns. 

They soon noticed two such older males, Tarosh and Amresh, walking towards them. 

‘Welcome to the Hall of Womanhood!’ Tarosh called out as he approached, ‘This building is one of five Halls of Womanhood within Tahgresha, the capital city of Ashtahli. As you can see it is currently thriving with initiates,’ Tarosh gazed around himself before adding wistfully, ‘This is where I myself attained womanhood many years ago.’

Jim smiled warmly, ‘It certainly is thriving. Thank-you for the invitation Grand grandfather. We are excited by the prospect of a cultural exchange. We hope that when this week is through we will be able to proceed with the negotiations with mutual understanding.’

Tarosh nodded, his facial tentacles quivering, ‘that is our hope also, Captain Kirk. You already know Amresh,’ he continued gesturing to Amresh at his side.

Amresh nodded, ‘Welcome Captain Kirk and Commander Spock.’

‘Greetings grandfather Amresh,’ Jim replied.

‘It is traditional for initiates to both the womanhood and manhood ceremonies to be allocated a mentor,’ Tarosh explained, ‘Amresh has volunteered to fulfil the role for the both of you. Amresh has significant experience in guiding Ashtahli through both womanhood and manhood ceremonies. I think you will find him to be a valuable guide.’ 

Amresh jumped in, ‘After reflecting upon your honest words shared with sincerity, Captain Kirk, I am keen to fully understand the ways of humans and Vulcans. You will have access to all aspects of the womanhood and manhood rites, and I will guide your learning, just as I would do with any Ashtahli. Where there is conflict between the Ashtahli rites and human or Vulcan ways, our aim will be to discuss this openly to reach mutual understanding of our differences. Certain rites may be modified or abstained from as appropriate.’

Jim smiled, ‘That sounds good. We are interested in learning more about the Ashtahli.’

‘We are grateful for your guidance, Amresh,’ Spock added with a slight bow.

‘Well,’ Tarosh said, ‘I will let Amresh show you to your quarters. I will meet you again in a week’s time,’ he paused a moment before adding, ‘Treasure the truths you find.’

Spock and Jim nodded as Tarosh took his leave. 

With Tarosh gone, Amresh guided Jim and Spock through the gardens, ‘Before declarations, the initiates stay in this section of the building. The declaration ceremony will be tomorrow. The other initiates have all been living here for at least a month, some for longer, depending on when they first felt the yearning. This gives them time to get to know each other and prepare for declarations. Of course, you already know each other well.’

Jim and Spock looked at each other in mutual confusion. 

‘We do not fully understand you, Amresh,’ Spock replied, eyebrow quirked.

Amresh frowned, his facial tentacles quivering, ‘There is so much to convey. Cultural exchange is complex, isn’t it?’

‘Indeed,’ Spock answered.

‘A child of my clutch is an initiate,’ Amresh said, ‘I’ve made arrangements for us to meet with her. Let me show you your beds and we can discuss this further.’

Amresh showed Jim and Spock to two small rooms, just large enough to contain a single bed each. He also showed them the communal kitchens and the shared bathrooms, before walking them back into the gardens.

‘Parent!’ a young female Ashtahli came bounding over and Amresh caught her in his arms. They stood close, forehead to forehead, facial tentacles gently touching. Amresh stepped back and gestured to her proudly, ‘May I present Jayren, child of my clutch.’

‘Oh wow! I’m so excited to meet you!’ Jayren bubbled, ‘You really come from a whole other planet?’

Jim smiled warmly, ‘It is an honour to meet you Jayren. Yes, I come from Earth and Spock is from Vulcan.’

‘Let us sit,’ Amresh suggested, guiding the group to a suitable place to sit on the ground, a place covered in a plant similar to Earth’s grasses. It was quite comfortable and the orange sunshine pleasantly warm. Spock sat carefully, legs crossed in a more relaxed variation of a traditional meditation pose. He couldn’t help but notice the way that Jim sprawled, relaxed, on the comfortable grass. He must encourage Jim to indulge in his passion for the outdoors more often. 

‘Captain Kirk and Commander Spock are here to learn more about Ashtahli culture,’ Amresh said to Jayren, ‘and I am aiming to understand the ways of humans and Vulcans.’

‘Jim and Spock, please,’ Jim jumped in, smiling as his hands unconsciously skimmed over the grass ‘we should drop the formalities.’

‘Very well,’ Amresh replied, ‘Jim and Spock, perhaps we should begin with the basics, do you understand the purpose of the womanhood ceremony?’

‘We am familiar with the concept of a rite of passage,’ Spock replied, ‘Such rites appear in many cultures. However, I do not think we fully understand the meaning of the womanhood ceremony to the Ashtahli people.’

Amresh nodded, his facial tentacles twitching, ‘The womanhood ceremony marks the transformation from child to woman. This means learning and acknowledging the truth of your bonds, and forming a clutch of your own. New clutches are taught to ground themselves in openness and honesty.’

‘I see,’ Spock nodded contemplatively, ‘So the ceremony is not just a rite of passage it is also a bonding or marriage ceremony. Does the ceremony occur at a particular age?’

‘No,’ Amresh replied, ‘we know our children are ready when they begin to experience yearnings. For example, Jayren began to experience a yearning for intimate physical touch with her friends.’

‘I dreamed of touching them,’ Jayren piped up, ‘running my hands all over their bodies, touching them in intimate places…’

Spock clamped down hard on his physiological controls to prevent himself from blushing. He had never heard such matters discussed so openly before. It would be considered scandalous on Vulcan for such…desires… to be openly discussed in front of a parent and two strangers. Spock consciously withdrew into a scientific mindset, a strategy he found highly useful for conversing about otherwise uncomfortable topics. 

Amresh nodded, ‘Yes, yearnings often manifest in dreams. Jayren was one of the first in her wave to experience the yearnings. ’

‘Wave?’ Jim asked curiously, his head tilted to one side.

‘It is usual for there to be waves of readiness for womanhood within particular areas. It is common for friends to be part of the same wave. Our scientists believe that the waves are triggered by pheromones. The first to experience the yearnings trigger the wave, ensuring that any Ashtahli children who are sufficiently developed physically will undertake full development into womanhood,’ Amresh answered, ‘is it not similar for human or Vulcan children?’

‘The process of reaching sexual maturity is not guided by pheromones for either human or Vulcan children,’ Spock replied, his face a careful Vulcan mask, ‘each child reaches maturity through its own physiology.’

‘Interesting,’ Amresh said, pausing for a moment in thought, ‘Humans and Vulcans still reproduce sexually as Ashtahli do. Are yearnings still an indicator that sexual maturity is has been achieved?’

‘Not quite,’ Jim answered chuckling, ‘in humans reaching sexual maturity can take a number of years and yearnings, as you call it, might start early in the process. It varies. Regardless, humans often reach sexual maturity years before attaining the emotional maturity of an adult. It is not taken as an indicator of readiness for a relationship. In Vulcans?’ Jim looked to Spock with eyebrows raised and eyes twinkling with curiosity. Sometimes Spock forgot just how little is shipmates knew about Vulcan biology and culture.

‘Vulcans also experience yearnings as part of sexual maturation. Vulcans, also, do not take them as an indicator of readiness for bonding,’ Spock replied seriously.

‘I see,’ Amresh said thoughtfully, ‘And was it so with you, Spock?’

Spock was sharply propelled out of his scientific mindset. He found it necessary to pause for 1.7 seconds to correct his physiological controls in order to prevent the green blush threatening to spread across his face. Eventually he managed to answer truthfully, ‘Affirmative. I am both Vulcan and human.’

‘And how would you describe your yearnings now, Spock, at this stage of your life?’ Amresh asked openly.

Spock felt a warm green blush rush over his face as his physiological controls were overwhelmed. To be asked such a private question in a public place, by a stranger, in front his t’hy’la, in front of the very object of his affections. Spock felt the irrational desire to run.

To Spock’s immense gratitude, Jim jumped in, ‘Amresh, Vulcans are a very private *ding* people. Even amongst humans, that subject matter is considered private*ding*. For Vulcans it is even more so.’

Amresh frowned, ‘You have spoken a word that the universal translator is failing to translate. What is ‘private’*ding*?’

‘Well,’ Jim continued scratching his face in thought, ‘it is something you do not share with others. You keep it to yourself.’

‘But,’ Jayren said her facial tentacles quivering, ‘to hide a truth is to deny a truth and to deny a truth is to lie.’

‘Not in human or Vulcan culture,’ Jim answered, ‘we distinguish between lies of omission and privacy*ding*. If I was to hide from you a truth that had implications for you, that would be a form of lying. For example, if I didn’t tell you something about the Federation because I knew that might change your decision about joining that would be a lie of omission. However, Spock’s…ah…yearnings…do not affect you, so he is under no moral obligation to discuss them with you.’

‘Interesting,’ Amresh answered, ‘the nature of Spock’s yearnings do not affect me, but they do affect the person Spock yearns for, do they not? Is he not morally obliged to reveal the nature of his yearnings to him?’

Spock’s physiological controls were once again overwhelmed. He closed his eyes for 1.5 seconds to focus on resetting the controls. As he opened his eyes he saw Jim gazing at him thoughtfully. 

‘No,’ Jim answered, looking back at Amresh, ‘No, I think most humans would say he’s not…’ Jim paused in thought before switching topics decisively, ‘Perhaps you can explain the declaration ceremony to us.’

‘Of course,’ Amresh replied facial tentacles quivering, ‘the initiates will declare the truth of their bonds and clutches will form,’ he paused and turned to Jayren, ‘have you realised the truth of your bonds, Jayren?’

Jayren grinned her facial tentacles wiggling, ‘I have, parent! I yearn for Talay. I love her deeply. I am filled with excitement. I can’t wait to declare my desires and form a clutch with her.’

Amresh beamed with pride his facial tentacles wiggling happily, ‘I am filled with joy for you, child of my clutch.’

‘Talay reciprocates then?’ Jim asked with a warm smile.

Jayren looked to Jim in confusion, ‘I don’t understand.’

‘Talay yearns for you?’ Jim clarified.

‘No,’ Jayren laughed, ‘Talay yearns for Alryn and Kalesh. She will declare herself to them.’

‘Oh,’ Jim replied, his face shifting quickly into a look of horror, ‘I’m sorry,’ then he paused, thinking, ‘but you said you were looking forward to forming a clutch with her. I must be missing something. If Talay yearns for Alryn and Kalesh, doesn’t that mean she’s rejecting you?’

‘Rejecting?’ Jayren repeated her face contorted in confusion.

Amresh looked similarly confused, ‘We do not understand I think. The word ‘rejection’ translates but we would never use it in reference to a person. How might a person be rejected? All people have their place, they merely need to realise the truth of it.’

‘Well,’ Jim answered carefully, ‘will Jayren be able to form a clutch with Talay?’

‘Of course!’ Jayren giggled, ‘I yearn for her.’

‘I think I understand,’ Spock jumped in, his controls effectively re-established, ‘Jayren, Talay, Alryn and Kalesh will all be part of the same clutch. The yearning need be one-sided only.’

‘It is not the same for Vulcans and humans?’ Amresh asked, surprised. 

‘No, indeed,’ Spock replied, ‘Vulcans and humans form pair bonds as a general rule. If I understand correctly, every Ashtahli will be in a clutch with the person or persons she yearns for, though her yearning may not be reciprocated. I hypothesise that the pheromones guide this process also to ensure that a stable clutch is formed and no one is left without a clutch.’

‘That is exactly what our scientists suggest,’ Amresh replied contemplatively, ‘I had realised that Vulcans and humans bond in pairs. But I hadn’t considered that the yearning of one may not be sufficient ground for a bond. That is complex…’

‘It is horrible!’ exclaimed Jayren her facial tentacles wiggling passionately, ‘I would be terrified of rejection!’

Jim snorted, ‘Many humans are too. Plenty of us go to great lengths to avoid it: we hide our true selves away from others, sleep around with people we don’t actually care about, deny our real feelings and just pine away never telling the person we care about…’ 

Spock stared at Jim as his words sunk in. Was Jim, once again, revealing his own mind state? Jim stopped as he became aware of the piercing gazes of both Spock and Amresh.

‘Jim,’ Amresh said frankly, ‘you were speaking of yourself.’

Jim blushed red and looked down at the ground.

‘Jim, treasure the truths you discover,’ Amresh whispered.

Jim sighed and looked up, running his hand through his hair, ‘Alright. I was.’

Amresh nodded, ‘I think I am beginning to understand humans and Vulcans,’ he paused for a moment before adding thoughtfully, ‘your lives are…quite different…I believe we should adapt our plans this week to suit your needs. Stay with the women tonight. Tomorrow we shall witness the declaration ceremony and immediately begin the manhood ceremony. We may return here later in the week to complete the rites of womanhood.’

‘Sure,’ Jim smiled warmly, a light blush still staining his cheeks.

Amresh left soon after and Spock and Jim wandered the gardens with Jayren. Jim applied himself enthusiastically to learning a complex Ashtahli sport involving multiple balls of various sizes. Spock discussed Ashtahli music and was fascinated to find that it was based on diatonic scales. When the time came, they sampled Ashtahli cuisine in the communal kitchens. 

Later that night, Spock lay on his bed replaying Jim’s revelation and considering the implications. At the very least, it suggested that Jim’s previous pursuit of casual sexual encounters was a defence mechanism, not an expression of genuine desire. It also suggested that Jim may have significant romantic feelings for someone, feelings that he was hiding through fear. Jim was afraid of rejection. Illogical. But then, wasn’t Spock doing the same thing? Yet, it seemed reasonable for Spock to do so. Spock could not imagine anyone rejecting Jim. 

Who was the object of Jim’s affections? Spock resolved to watch Jim more closely. He dare not hope that his own affections were reciprocated. But for Jim’s sake, he was determined to find out. No matter who it was, he would do what he could to ensure the happiness of his t’hy’la.


	7. Chapter 7

Jim did not sleep well. At first his efforts were undermined by turbulent thoughts about rejection, loss and fear. When he finally managed to put those thoughts aside, he found himself distracted by turbulent thoughts of a different nature altogether: Spock. Spock flushing a bright green with his eyes tightly closed desperately trying to regain control while Amresh quizzed him about his yearnings. What wouldn’t Jim give to know what Spock fantasised about? What wouldn’t Jim give to make Spock flush? To be the one to make him lose control? Oh, this line of thought really wasn’t helping. 

Jim considered taking the matter in hand but his quarters were tiny — just enough room for a single bed — and the walls were paper-thin. Spock was either sleeping or meditating right next door and he had Vulcan hearing. There’s no way Jim could jerk off quietly enough. He briefly considered a quick trip to the shared bathroom to deal with the problem but it was a shared bathroom with only the flimsiest of screens for discretion. Definitely not an option. He reconciled himself to struggling with his own thoughts until he was finally more sleepy than horny. 

As a result, he began the next day yawning. He rolled out of bed and picked up his comm to touch base with Scotty and Uhura. All was well and it would have been a quick call except Nyota insisted on pumping him for cultural and linguistic information. When Jim explained that the universal translator was unable to translate the word ‘private’ into Ashtahli this seemed to send Nyota into fits of rapture. 

‘Wow! They don’t even have the concept!’ Nyota gushed, ‘the concept of privacy shows remarkable cultural diversity but I’ve never heard of a culture that lacked the concept altogether. Captain, you have to document these kinds of cultural nuances in as much detail as you can.’

Jim smiled warmly at Nyota’s geeky enthusiasm, ‘Of course, that’s what the captain’s log is for, isn’t it?’

‘Jim,’ Nyota begged, ‘you know I need rich cultural and linguistic data if I’m to…’

‘Lieutenant,’ Jim interrupted, ‘Remember, Mr eidetic memory is down here with me. I’m sure he’ll be delighted to collaborate on a paper or two about the linguistic and cultural uniqueness of the Ashtahli.’ 

‘Of course,’ Nyota replied, ‘I’ll call him.’

‘Not now though, Lieutenant,’ Jim said, knowing her too well, ‘we’ve got to have breakfast and get to the declarations ceremony. Remember, he has an eidetic memory. The data is not going anywhere.’

‘Fine, fine,’ Nyota answered, ‘I’ll call him later. He can tell me all about the declarations ceremony then too.’

‘Alright,’ Jim said, ‘Kirk out.’

Jim chuckled as he dressed. He loved his crew. He strode towards the communal kitchens and found that Spock was already there, sitting at a table surrounded by giggling young Ashtahli women. Spock’s brow was furrowed in concentration as in carefully ran his scanner over a plate of fruit.

‘Morning, Captain,’ Spock said, ‘traditionally the Ashtahli eat fruit for breakfast. I’ve scanned the fruits and they are all suitable for both human and Vulcan physiology. I would advise you to avoid the orange berries, however, as they may trigger an allergic reaction.’

‘Fair enough,’ Jim replied, sitting down beside Spock and grabbing something that looked vaguely like a blue apple. He bit into it and was disappointed to find that it wasn’t as crunchy or as sweet as he was expecting. It fact, it was quite tart and squishy inside. 

Spock quirked an eyebrow in amusement at Jim’s expression and helped himself to some fruit. 

Just as they finished their breakfast Amresh arrived, ‘Greetings, Jim and Spock. Did you sleep well?’

‘I am sufficiently rested,’ Spock replied.

‘Good. And yourself, Jim?’

‘Not really,’ Jim answered, running his hand through his hair, ‘It took me a long time to get to sleep.’

‘And why was that, Jim?’ Amresh asked.

Jim flushed and carefully avoided eye contact with Spock as he answered, ‘Just a lot on my mind.’

‘Ah,’ Amresh nodded, his facial tentacles quivering, ‘That is understandable. I’ve come to take you to the declarations ceremony. As you will no longer be participating, you will sit next to me with the grandfathers.’

‘Indeed,’ Spock replied, his eyebrow quirked, ‘we have finished our breakfast and so are free to accompany you now, Amresh.’

Amresh nodded and lead Jim and Spock to a neighbouring building: a large hall similar to the one they’d materialised in on their first trip to Tahli. However, this hall was set up as an auditorium. 

As Jim and Spock followed Amresh’s words rattled around in Jim’s mind —as you will no longer be participating— did that mean Amresh was originally expecting Jim and Spock to participate? That he had expected Jim to publicly declare his love for Spock? It made sense, Jim supposed, after all that is what the Ashtahli do. But the realisation that Amresh had expected that of him was still shocking. He was relieved those expectations had changed. Then Jim remembered what Amresh would have expected to happen next. Not Spock rejecting him. But Spock accepting him as a partner, regardless of his own feelings on the matter. It was a very different way of life.

Amresh guided Jim and Spock to seating cushions in one of the higher levels. They were the first to arrive. He pointed down to the rows of seating cushions set up on the ground level, ‘The initiates will sit there.’

It didn’t take long for the other grandfathers to begin to arrive. 

‘Each of the grandfathers present today is a mentor to at least one initiate. For some of the grandfathers, their role as mentor ends today. But others will be selected to be mentor to a clutch.’ Amresh explained, ‘It is a role of great honour.’

‘There is elegance to the Ashtahli’s practice of formally assigning mentorship,’ Spock said thoughtfully, ‘It is quite logical.’

‘Vulcans and humans do not have similar arrangements?’ Amresh asked.

‘Not in personal *ding* matters,’ Spock answered.

‘Personal matters?’ Amresh repeated.

‘Not in matters of relationship and family,’ Jim said, ‘Though we do have formal systems of mentorship in our careers. For example, Spock as the science officer provides mentorship for many scientists on board the Enterprise.’

‘I understand,’ Amresh nodded, ‘There are many differences between our people.’

Jim smiled warmly, ‘There are many similarities as well.’

‘This is true,’ Amresh returned with equal warmth, ‘Ah, I think they are going to begin.’

Looking around, Jim could see that almost every seat in the higher levels was now occupied. A hush descended on the crowd as the young women began to enter. They filed in, each one looking both nervous and excited to varying degrees. Jim scanned the crowd looking for Jayren and found her heading for a seat in the second row. She seemed to be holding up well. She looked more excited than nervous. 

When all of the young woman had entered, a grandfather followed them. 

‘He will guide the ceremony,’ Amresh whispered. As Jim’s gaze flicked to meet that of Amresh he noticed Spock leaning forward slightly, his forehead furrowed in fascinated attention. Jim’s stomach flip-flopped at the sight. With difficulty, he pulled his gaze away to look back at the ceremony below. 

The grandfather was taking his place at the front. He cleared his throat and, facial tentacles wiggling, he spoke, ‘Welcome. On behalf of the women, I give my thanks to the grandfathers present today. I give thanks for the truths you have shared,’ he paused for a moment, nodding to the grandfathers in the higher levels before looking back at the initiates, ‘young women, today marks a significant step in your transformation into full womanhood. Today, you find your place. Today, you bond with your clutch sister-mates. Today, you become part of a new clutch. Remember, the yearnings that brought you to this point, the truths you will declare today are but the beginning. They are but the seed from which your clutch will grow sure and strong, towards the sunlight, bearing fruit of its own. Remember, the seed needs care. There are more truths to be discovered. If your clutch is to grow strong you must live openly and authentically with each other. Ground yourselves in the truth and all is possible.’

‘This is true,’ the initiates whispered.

The grandfather nodded, ‘It is time to declare yourselves.’

The young women stood and formed a line, filing towards the front one by one. As each initiate reached the front, they stood with the grandfather and declared who they yearned for. Most of the women had either one or two declarations to make, but some women declared yearnings for three. As the initiates made their declarations they moved to the side and began to group themselves into clusters, huddling together with the very women they yearned for. 

In time, they saw Jayren step forward and confidently declare her yearnings for Talay. As Jayren had suggested, Talay declared her yearning for Alryn and Kalesh. Jim watched, fascinated, as Alryn in turn declared her yearning for Jayren. Kalesh declared her yearnings for Talay and for yet another woman Kashun who declared her yearning for Alryn and another woman again. 

‘It is like a tapestry,’ Jim whispered to Spock as the declarations continued. 

‘You are referring to the interweaving nature of the yearnings,’ Spock whispered back.

‘Yes, sometimes they are reciprocated, but usually they are not. Yet, they always end up in the same clutch,’ Jim replied.

‘Indeed,’ Spock answered, ‘Your metaphor is apt. It leads to a remarkably strong and stable social structure.’

‘And no one gets rejected…’ Jim whispered softly.

Spock looked at Jim questioningly and Jim flushed slightly under his gaze. 

‘Jim, I must confess that I do not understand why you fear rejection so strongly. I would not have expected it to be so.’

After a pause Jim whispered, ‘Spock, I wasn’t exactly showered with love as a kid, you know…’ 

‘You are referring to the loss of your father,’ Spock said, ‘I grieve with thee.’

‘That… and other things…’ Jim answered, ‘Anyway, my fucked up childhood aside, I’m not arrogant enough to think that everyone is into me. No one is that popular. I’m sure there are plenty of people who couldn’t love me back and what if the person I love is one of them?’

Spock’s eyebrow quirked in surprise. Jim felt his skin heat as he realised he had given too much away. Damn it. Spock turned back to watching the ceremony and Jim followed suit. 

After a moment, Spock whispered, still watching the ceremony, ‘I estimate the chance of your affections being unreciprocated to be less than 0.7%’

‘Spock,’ Jim whispered back, eyes on the ceremony, ‘that’s ridiculously low.’

‘You underestimate your worth as a partner. You have many exemplary qualities that together make you an ideal partner,’ Spock replied.

‘Ideal for whom?’ Jim answered, looking at Spock.

Spock’s face flushed a light green, ‘For the person who has secured your affections, Jim.’

Jim’s heart thudded in his chest. Could it be?

At that moment, the grandfathers around them stood in unison and began to stamp their feet in the Ashtahli version of applause. Jim and Spock quickly jumped up too and joined in. The declarations had been made and the clutches had formed. The grandfathers stamped and cheered and the young women stood proudly in groups of six to eight. Many of the women threw their arms affectionately around their new clutch sister-mates, or leaned in close, their facial tentacles gently touching. The room was filled with such elation. 

After the ceremony, Amresh, Jim and Spock stood outside the hall looking for Jayren. She rushed forward from amongst the crowd, ‘Parent!’

Amresh wrapped his arms around her, their facial tentacles touching gently, ‘I am proud of you, child of my clutch. Cherish your clutch sister-mates and ground your lives in truth.’

‘I will, parent,’ Jayren answered.

‘Congratulations,’ Jim smiled warmly, ‘I wish you every happiness.’

‘I too, share my felicitations,’ Spock added, standing tall, his hands carefully folded behind his back. 

‘Thank-you. I hope you both find such happiness!’ Jayren bubbled, ‘Actually, I’d better go. We have to move to the clutch accommodations. It was nice to meet you both. Hopefully I’ll see you again before you leave.’

Jim and Spock said goodbye and Amresh gave Jayren a final hug.

‘After the declarations ceremony, the initiates move to the opposite end of the building, where they live as clutches. They will live here for another month, focussing entirely on developing strong bonds within the clutch and growing together in truth,’ Amresh explained his facial tentacles twitching, ‘You should collect your belongings too. We shall transport to the Hall of Manhood as soon as you are ready.’


	8. Chapter 8

Spock repacked his duffel bag efficiently and neatly. As he did so, he quickly calculated how long it would Jim to repack his own duffel bag and decided that he could spend 6.4 minutes in solitary contemplation. It was not sufficient time to meditate fully. But it would allow him to organise his thoughts for later meditation. He sat carefully on the bed with a straight back and turned his thoughts inwards. 

Spock acknowledged to himself that his most recent conversation with Jim had sparked a sense of hope. There was no logical reason why. One could not logically deduce from Jim’s words that the person he was in love with was Spock. Far from it. Logic dictated it could be anyone. And yet, there was something about the manner in which Jim had said, ‘ideal for whom?’ that suggested Jim was hoping for Spock to reply with ‘for me’. When Spock tried to pin down that particular intuition, to back it up with proof and logic he could not. 

That did not mean his intuition was entirely baseless. Human communication included many elements beyond the literal word, aspects of communication that Spock was far from fluent in, but did manage to understand in part. Perhaps he was correctly understanding this.

Spock was forced to acknowledge that it was at least possible that Jim returned his affections. Jim was in love with somebody and whoever that somebody was, Jim was hiding his affections from them. What if it was Spock? 

Spock gently touched the vestigial t’hy’la bond in his mind and shuddered slightly with the exquisite pleasure of it.

Of course, even if Spock had secured Jim’s affections, it did not follow that Jim would consent to a full t’hy’la bond and all that it implied. While a telepathic bond was a natural and welcome expression of love for a Vulcan, it was a rare human who would consent to such a thing. But Jim was a rare human, wasn’t he? A remarkable human, in fact, who had surprised Spock time and again. He should not underestimate him. 

Spock concluded his brief meditation and stood gracefully, swinging the duffel bag over his shoulder. Exiting his room, he found Jim and Amresh waiting for him in the Atrium. Amresh lead the way, taking them through a long passageway.

‘Halls of Womanhood and Manhood are always built side by side and they are usually are connected by a passageway,’ he gestured to the corridor around them as he spoke, ‘Of course, the initiates never pass through here. It is used exclusively by the grandfathers.’

They continued on, traversing the passageway for 7.8 minutes, before entering another building. The building itself was a duplicate of the Hall of Womanhood. Amresh lead them through the building to the garden-filled atrium in the centre. Although the gardens too were a close twin of the gardens in the Hall of Womanhood, this time, the feeling of the place was entirely different. Whereas the Hall of Womanhood had been a hive of activity, buzzing with social energy, the Hall of Manhood was subdued, quiet. Gazing around the gardens, they could see a number of young men, walking or sitting in solitude, or else engaged in quiet conversation with a grandfather. There were far less young men in the Hall of Manhood than there were women in the Hall of Womanhood. 

The young men were wearing a garment that resembled a short black sarong, wrapped around their bottom half in specific style, leaving their upper body, arms and most of their legs entirely exposed. Each man had his hair tied and pinned back into a short pony tail. Most interestingly, each of the men wore markings across their bare skin in black ink. Spock deduced that the markings were the Ashtahli written script. Some of the young men were covered in the writing.

Amresh paused, finding a good place within the gardens to talk. He gestured for Jim and Spock to sit. 

As they did so, Jim spoke up, ‘It’s very different…from the Hall of Womanhood, I mean.’

‘This is true,’ Amresh agreed, facial tentacles twitching, ‘It is a different rite, with an entirely different purpose. While the purpose of the womanhood rite is to learn the truth of your bonds, and to cement those bonds in openness and honesty, the purpose of the manhood rite is to fully appreciate what it is to be true to yourself.’

‘I see…’ Jim replied as lounged comfortably upon the grass, absent-mindedly twirling a leaf in his hand. 

Spock tore his gaze away from the hypnotic sight of the twirling leaf and asked, ‘It is our understanding that the transformation from female to male is triggered by successful reproduction. Is that correct?’

‘This is true,’ Amresh replied, ‘After a successful pregnancy and period of lactation, weaning may trigger a hormonal cascade instigating the transformation. For many Ashtahli one child is sufficient to trigger the transformation. For others, two or even three children are necessary. I myself birthed and fed two children.’

‘Fascinating,’ Spock replied, eyebrow quirked.

‘All men are mothers,’ Jim mused, still twirling the leaf in his hand. He paused and added, ‘I don’t have any children. Neither does Spock.’

Amresh nodded in acknowledgement, ‘I had assumed as much from the fact that you are both unbonded.’

Jim shrugged, ‘Well, you’ll find that some of us do have children even though we aren’t in a committed relationship. Sometimes the relationship doesn’t last and sometimes we choose to raise children as single parents. Dr McCoy, for example, as a child although he is no longer in a relationship with the child’s mother.’

‘I did not realise this,’ Amresh replied, facial tentacles wiggling in surprise, ‘Thank-you for the insight.’

‘Amresh,’ Spock said, turning the conversation back to the Ashtahli, ‘I believe we could better understand these rites and their meaning within Ashtahli society if you explained what life is like for an Ashtahli woman and how it may be different later in life, as a man.’

‘Ah. This is true,’ Amresh answered facial tentacles twitching, ‘During womanhood our focus is on the clutch and raising the children of the clutch. In addition, the majority of Ashtahli choose to spend womanhood studying. Then, when it is time to choose a role as a man, you already have the necessary education. All public roles and responsibilities are fulfilled during manhood.’

Spock nodded, ‘That is most interesting. In both Vulcan and human society men and women may perform public roles, engage in professions or trades, or, indeed, choose to focus on the care of children. Some choose to have children early in life, some later in life and some not at all.’

‘This is true,’ Amresh said, ‘I know this. But I find it difficult to fully grasp.’

‘It will perhaps become easier to understand if you visit a Federation world,’ Spock answered, ‘there is a logic to the Ashtahli way of life, given your biology. Just as there is a logic to ours, given our biology.’

‘This is true,’ Amresh whispered thoughtfully. 

‘Amresh…’ Jim began but then he paused for a moment, rethinking. Then he laughed and shook his head. ‘Sorry,’ he explained, ‘I was going to ask you a question then I realised it was a bit indelicate *ding* but that doesn’t exactly matter to you, does it?’

‘What is ‘indelicate’?’ Amresh asked confused.

‘I mean,’ Jim said, ‘Humans would consider it private.’

‘Ah,’ Amresh replied, ‘Please ask. We have no ‘private’. You should share your questions openly.’

Jim swallowed, ‘The clutches are all female. At least at first. If the transformation is triggered by successful reproduction, how is the first pregnancy achieved?’

Spock quirked an eyebrow. It was a good question.

Amresh smiled and his facial tentacles twitched, ‘All clutches are allocated a grandfather to provide mentorship and to aid in the conception of children. The grandfather’s relationship with the clutch lasts until the first child.’

‘Fascinating…’ Spock whispered. The organisation of Ashtahli society was remarkably different from that of any Federation world. Yet, given the realities of Ashtahli biology, it was logical and consistent with a highly stable and just society.

‘Perhaps we should turn ourselves to discussing the rite of manhood?’ Amresh asked.

Jim and Spock nodded in agreement.

‘The purpose of this rite is to learn to be true to yourself. The rite begins and ends with the taking of Talosh. Only when you can pass the Talosh ceremony are you considered a man with all the rights and responsibilities that this entails,’ Amresh explained.

‘We aren’t particularly keen to take the Talosh again…’ Jim began but Amresh interrupted.

‘I thought as much, Jim,’ Amresh said, ‘My intention is for you to experience the rite itself so that you can understand what it means for an Ashtahli to be true to himself. The transformation into manhood is a time of quiet reflection and meditation. Initiates share their reflections openly with their mentor who guides them along a path of self-discovery. There is one particular practice that is crucial to this path. Come…’

Amresh stood and beckoned for Spock and Jim to stand as well. They both stood, swinging their duffel bags over their shoulder and followed Amresh. Amresh took them to the individual quarters, pointing out the shared bathroom and communal kitchen along the way. Again, they were given quarters side by side. 

Amresh motioned for Jim to put this duffel bag in his own quarters and then to join them in Spock’s, ‘I will explain the practice to you both together.’

The quarters were small, just as they had been in the Hall of Womanhood. But this time the bed was not empty. On the bed there were several black sarongs and a small black bag. When Jim had joined them Amresh opened the bag, unrevealing several elaborate looking pens with black ink. 

Amresh began to explain, ‘I am sure you noticed that the initiates were covered with black writing?’

Jim and Spock nodded. 

‘They wrote on themselves with these,’ Amresh continued, ‘you will have your own set in your room, Jim. The ink within this pens is of a very particular type. It will not be removed by your usual washing practices. It is necessary to bathe in water with a specific counter-agent added to remove it. Initiates are only permitted to do so when they have passed the Talosh test. In your case, we will simply spend the next three days here and then you may bathe and we will return to the Hall of Womanhood.’

‘Fascinating,’ Spock said captivated, ‘what do they write on themselves?’

‘Their truths,’ Amresh replied, ‘Their darkest thoughts and deepest feelings including their most disturbing judgements about themselves. With time, they learn how to live with it all; to live grounded in their truth.’

Spock stiffened. He reflexively bit down on his physiological controls to stem the wave of shame that threatened to break through at the thought of participating in this ritual. Yet, the aims of the ritual were consistent with what Spock was trying to achieve — to acknowledge his thoughts and feelings openly and to maintain his control — it would be a significant achievement.  
‘Wow, that’s ah… pretty intense,’ Jim said, running his hand through his hair nervously.

‘This is true,’ Amresh nodded his facial tentacles quivering, ‘it is a deeply moving experience. You should carry a pen with you at all times while you are in here. Whenever a disturbing thought or feeling comes to mind you should write it on your body. You will need to change your clothing’ he gestured to the sarong, ‘so that you have sufficient bare skin.’

Spock flinched at the unintended judgement in that comment. After all they were only going to be here for three days. However, he quickly calculated that he would, indeed, need to change.  
‘I realise that this practice may be challenging, ‘Amresh said, ‘it is challenging for Ashtahli as well, deliberately so. However, it has great benefits. I hope you will have the courage to participate.’

‘Well,’ Jim chuckled, ‘I’m game. Spock?’

Spock met Jim’s soft gaze and could see an assurance written in his face. An assurance that said: if you aren’t comfortable with this just say and I’ll make it go away for you. 

‘Oh yes,’ Amresh interrupted before Spock could reply, ‘I meant to explain. I understand that Vulcans are very, what was your word for it? You do not share all of your truths yet it is not considered lying?’

‘Private,’ Jim supplied.

‘Yes,’ Amresh nodded, ‘Private. I’d like to explain, Spock, the intention of the exercise is for you to learn to live with your truths. Of course, sharing those truths with others often facilitates the experience. For that reason, I would encourage you to share whatever you are able with me, your mentor, so that I may assist you. However, sharing of the truths with others is not strictly necessary. It is the process of living to live, yourself, with your own truths that is crucial.’

Amresh’s meaning was immediately apparent to Spock. Yes, that did make the exercise easier to agree to.

‘In that case, I am willing,’ Spock replied. In fact, Spock calculated that there was an 83.7% chance that participating in this ritual would facilitate an improved understanding of Surakian principles. 

Amresh nodded, facial tentacles twitching in delight, ‘I am most grateful. This rite is of great importance to the Ashtahli. Your courage will be rewarded in insight, as it is for all initiates.’

Then he proceeded to show Jim and Spock how to wear the saroung. When tied correctly, the saroung formed a little pocket at the side for the pen. 

Amresh promised to see them both again tomorrow to check on their progress. As he left, he said, ‘Ground yourselves in truth, Jim and Spock.’

After he left, Jim chuckled nervously, ‘this is pretty intense, huh, Spock?’

Spock nodded, eyebrow quirked.

‘You sure you are okay with doing this?’ Jim asked.

‘Affirmative,’ Spock replied, ‘In fact, I anticipate that it will assist me in resolving my current challenges in applying Surakian principles to my life.’

‘Oh,’ Jim answered, eyes wide, ‘yeah, I guess it will…. Well I suppose we should both get changed…’

‘Affirmative,’ Spock answered, ‘I intend to begin our practice with a period of meditation.’

‘Yeah,’ Jim nodded, ‘Of course. Well, I need to get writing.’ Jim laughed. ‘I’ll see you around then, Spock.’

Spock watched Jim leave the room and return to his own quarters. He removed his uniform and carefully folded it, placing it back in his duffel bag. Stripped down to his boxers, he wove the saroung around his lower half in the manner that Amresh had shown him. He carefully adjusted his physiological controls to account for the drop in bodily temperature. He was grateful that Tahli was a warm planet. 

Once dressed, he adopted a relaxed meditation posture, placing the pen nearby. He began his usual meditation practices. After 5.6 minutes he picked up the pen for the first time and began to write in swirling Vulcan calligraphy across his thigh.


	9. Chapter 9

Jim, already changed into his sarong, paced his quarters. Every so often he paused, eyes flicking to the pen sitting on the bed. 

Was he really going to do this?

Yes, he was going to do this.

The idea of holding back was tempting: writing a few thoughts on his skin but keeping plenty to himself as well. After all, who would know?

The answer came to him immediately: I would. I would know.

There would be no half measures. If Jim was going to do this then he was going to do it properly. For a moment he wondered what Bones would say about it but he just couldn’t picture it. He could imagine Bones thinking it was a brilliant therapeutic technique, a damned stupid idea or anything in between. He resolved to ask Bones for his psychological opinion one day when all of this was over. 

Right. This is happening and it is happening now. Jim walked towards the bed decisively. He picked up the pen and began to write. 

Once he started to write it was like opening a floodgate. One disturbing thought lead to another… And each disturbing thought triggered a feeling. Jim spread the writing over his body, jumping from body part to body part, mindful of leaving space for the days to come. 

Spent at last, he surveyed his handiwork. There was writing on his arms, chest, legs and feet: nagging thoughts, words, and direct quotes. The single word ‘whore’ sat on his right upper arm, his insecurities as a captain were written in detail on his lower left, some of Frank’s nastiest words adorned his right leg and the nagging thought ‘everyone leaves me in the end’ was written across his belly. He read it all and more. 

He felt…better. Like he’d emptied himself of it all. 

There was one last thing. And it belonged across his heart. He wrote ‘I am in love’. He paused, considering. No, he wouldn’t write, ‘with Spock’ or ‘with my first officer’. That was not the right way for Spock to find out. It was a small concession. Jim was still doing this properly. 

Proud of the progress he’d made, he left his quarters to use the bathroom and to get himself some dinner. 

He considered knocking on Spock’s door but he was probably still meditating. Spock didn’t need to eat as frequently and, given their task, would probably meditate until late at night, foregoing dinner. In fact, given their task, Spock probably needed to meditate until late at night. Jim didn’t want to make Spock feel that he needed to sacrifice his meditation in order to keep Jim company.

So Jim entered the communal kitchens alone, helping himself to food that he recognised as safe from their previous meals. Looking around the room, there were several Ashtahli sitting alone, quietly eating. One of them kept looking up at Jim with a friendly, curious expression. Jim took a seat beside him. As he did so, Jim noticed that the friendly Ashtahli was particularly covered in writing, with very little bare skin left. 

‘Greetings,’ Jim smiled warmly.

‘Greetings,’ the Ashtahli replied, facial tentacles wiggling, ‘are you one of the visitors from another planet?

‘I am,’ Jim grinned, ‘my name is Jim. I’m from the planet Earth.’

‘My name is Kayren,’ the Ashtahli said, ‘Do you perform a similar ritual on Earth to mark your transformation into manhood?’

‘No,’ Jim shook his head, ‘our way of life is quite different. I was born male.’

Kayren laughed, ‘that is very strange! Born male! Remarkable!’

‘Were you a woman for long?’ Jim asked, taking a bite of a Tahli vegetable.

‘For nearly ten years,’ Kayren replied, ‘I am the third of my clutch to undergo the change.’

‘Is it a good thing then, to change?’ Jim asked curiously, ‘I mean do you look forward to it?’

Kayren shrugged, ‘It is neither good nor bad. Some look forward to it and some don’t. I felt…ready.’

Jim nodded, ‘That makes sense. Have you been here long?’

‘Nearly two months,’ Kayren replied, ‘I am going to volunteer for the Talosh ceremony tomorrow. I believe I am ready so hopefully this will be my last night. I miss my clutch sister-mates and the children of my clutch.’

‘Yeah,’ Jim replied wistfully, ‘that must be hard.’

‘This is true,’ Kayren said, ‘Being parted from them brings me much sadness. But it is the way of it.’

Jim nodded and for a time they ate in comfortable silence. 

‘Kayren?’ Jim asked thoughtfully as he finished up his meal, ‘What’s the most valuable truth you’ve learned in here?’

Kayren quirked his head to the side and gestured to his body, ‘You can’t read Ashtahli script, can you?’

Jim shook his head, ‘No, I can’t.’

Kayren’s facial tentacles wiggled wildly, ‘Hmm…is it even true for you? Well, I wonder…’ he pointed to Jim’s body, ‘tell me one of yours…’

Jim pointed to his lower left arm, ‘This is all about my insecurities as a captain. Basically, it says that I think I’m not good enough, that I let my crew down.

Kayren nodded and pointed to his leg, ‘this is all about my insecurities as a parent: that I think I’m not good enough and that I’ve let the children of my clutch down. Similar, yes?’

Jim nodded thoughtfully.

‘Tell me another,’ Kayren demanded. 

Jim pointed to writing on his lower leg, ‘We’ve experienced from pretty wild stuff on our mission so far. This is everything that I blame myself for. All the times I’ve thought it was my fault.’  
‘Ah’, Kayren nodded pointing to his right arm, ‘Here’s all the times I’ve blamed myself. Tell me one more.’

Jim smiled pointing to the writing across his belly. His smiled faltered as he processed the words, ‘this one is an old one. It says: everyone leaves me in the end,’ he sighed, ‘given the Ashtahli way of life that probably doesn’t make much sense to you. I guess it could also say that no one loves me enough to stay.’

Kayren nodded, facial tentacles twitching as he pointed to his left arm, ‘This one says that my clutch sister-mates love each other more than they love me. It is similar, yes?’

Jim sighed, ‘Yes, it is similar.’

Jim started to laugh. ‘You know,’ he said, ‘my childhood was pretty fucked up. I guess I always thought my childhood caused all of this,’ he gestured to the writing on his body, ‘that I’m broken inside, but I’m not am I? We all have darkness inside. Our experiences flavour it, but we all have the same basic darkness inside. I’m light years away from home, we are two different species only just getting to know each other and look at how similar our dark thoughts are.’

Kayren nodded, facial tentacles wiggling, ‘this is true, Jim. It makes it easier, doesn’t it? Knowing you aren’t alone?’

‘Yeah,’ Jim answered running his hand through his hair, ‘It does. Thank-you, Kayren.’

‘Thank-you, Jim,’ Kayren nodded.

Jim returned to his quarters deep in thought and prepared for sleep. After the previous night’s restlessness it found him quickly. He sleep soundly. It felt like one moment his head hit the pillow and the next he was woken by a knocking at his door. It was Amresh.

‘Greetings, Jim,’ Amresh said, stepping into Jim’s quarters, ‘Did you sleep well?’

‘Very well,’ Jim answered, ‘Did you want me to get Spock?’

Amresh shook his head, ‘I think it is best if I speak to you separately for the time being. Let’s find a spot to talk.’

They walked together into the Atrium, finding a comfortable spot under a tree. Jim relaxed on the grass.

‘How are you finding the rite so far, Jim?’

‘Liberating,’ Jim laughed running his hand through his hair, ‘I thought it would be awful. And it was awful to write all this but once it was out I felt lighter somehow.’

‘Lies are snares,’ Amresh nodded. It sounded like a quote. ‘You have made excellent progress,’ he continued, ‘is there anything that is particularly difficult for you? As your mentor it is my task to assist you with any areas of difficulty.’

Jim gestured to his heart, reading it for Amresh, ‘I am in love’ and then to his belly, ‘everyone leaves me in the end’.

‘Ah,’ Amresh said, ‘you have still not told Spock of your love for him? Of your desire to bond with him?’

Jim shook his head.

‘You fear that if you do so, he will reject you?’ Amresh continued.

‘Yes, and leave me altogether,’ Jim whispered, ‘I don’t think I could bare it.’

‘As you know, Jim, Ashtahli do not experience rejection. We may fear that our clutch sister-mates do not love us as deeply as we wish, but we are never rejected. So perhaps it is unfair of me to ask this of you,’ Amresh paused, facial tentacles twitching, ‘but it is my duty to ask it. What will happen, Jim, if you leave this truth unacknowledged and unvoiced? If you live your whole life through with the truth buried inside?’

Jim, eyes wide with realisation, whispered, ‘I have measured out my life in coffee *ding* spoons…’

Amresh frowned, confused, ‘Jim, one of your words does not translate and I am unable to understand your meaning.’

Jim jumped up and began pacing next to Amresh, ‘It is a quote from Earth poetry... James T. Kirk doesn’t do things by halves. And yet, when it comes to love, I have. I’ve been so cautious. I’ve sought out sex instead of love and when love found me anyway I couldn’t acknowledge it even to myself. I love him and I’m terrified of telling him so. Terrified. But I don’t want to measure out my life in coffee *ding* spoons. I don’t want to die with it unsaid. Do I dare disturb the universe? Yes, I dare.’

Amresh nodded, smiling, ‘I understand. You are making excellent progress, Jim. I will leave you to reflect.’

Jim lay in the warm Tahli sunshine and let his new resolve seep through. He would tell Spock. He would tell him and damn the consequences because he did not want to leave it unsaid. For a moment Jim considered leaping up, running to Spock, and blurting it out right now. But that would not be fair to Spock. He would tell him, and soon, but he would also find the right time. He would also tell him in the right way. Spock deserved as much. 

As he continued his pondering, he saw the man himself striding towards him: his lithe body coloured softly green, with the swirling marks of Vulcan calligraphy across his stomach and curling down his thighs in a delightfully inviting manner. 

‘He’s beautiful,’ Jim whispered to himself, before he remembered the acuity of Vulcan hearing. Shit. Damn. Stupid mouth. He pulled out his pen and wrote, ‘stupid mouth’ on his leg as Spock continued to approach.

As Spock reached him, he tucked his pen back into his pocket and said, ‘It’s beautiful.’

‘Captain?’

‘The calligraphy,’ Jim replied, gesturing to Spock’s body.

Spock nodded, his eyes raking over Jim’s body. His eyebrows furrowed in his version of a frown and he moved around Jim quickly reading each and every piece of writing. Jim’s heart beat wildly.

‘Jim,’ Spock said at last, his eyes dark, ‘much of this is erroneous.’

Jim laughed, ‘they are my thoughts, Spock. I’m an illogical human. What did you expect?’

‘You should not think such things,’ Spock replied, his voice carrying a slight edge, ‘they are not true.’

Jim gestured to the writing on Spock’s body, ‘C’mon Spock. You have nasty stuff written on you too, surely?’

‘I do not have erroneous statements written on my person,’ Spock answered tightly.

‘Well, I’ll have to take your word for that,’ Jim replied, ‘though I’m not sure I would agree if I knew what they were.’

Spock seemed to accept this and he sat. Jim figured that Spock needed time to re-establish his controls. Especially if Jim was going to challenge him. So he let a moment or two pass in comfortable silence. But there was a question he wanted to ask. And he was going to ask it. 

‘Spock,’ Jim said softly, ‘Can I ask you something?’

Spock nodded.

‘I know some Vulcan,’ Jim continued, ‘I mean I’m hardly fluent. But I do know some. Did you know that?’

‘Affirmative,’ Spock replied, ‘a good captain requires basic knowledge across many different areas. Although it is yet to prove useful on a mission, it is to your credit that you have obtained a basic level of proficiency in multiple languages, Jim.’

Jim nodded, and continued softly, ‘And is that why you choose to write in calligraphy instead of the standard script?’

Spock faltered, ‘The calligraphy is often used in a ceremonial context.’

‘While true, that didn’t exactly answer the question,’ Jim replied.

For a moment Jim’s statement simply hung between them. Spock’s brow furrowed. 

‘You are disappointed in me,’ Spock said.

‘No,’ Jim replied shaking his head, ‘No, that’s not it, Spock. It really isn’t.’

Another moment passed as Spock tried to puzzle this out. 

‘You think it is unfair. There is logic to that. I will read what I have written upon my person to you so that a sense of fairness between us is preserved,’ Spock replied. 

‘No!’ Jim replied, ‘Don’t, Spock. It hasn’t got anything to do with fairness. And I respect your right to privacy. I would never demand that of you.’

‘You respect my right to privacy and yet you hoped I would confide in you,’ Spock replied carefully, his brow deeply furrowed.

Jim laughed, ‘Pretty much. Just more illogical human stuff, Spock. Don’t worry about it.’

‘Vulcans do not…’ Spock began. 

‘I know, I know,’ Jim laughed, ‘Just an expression. Anyway, I can make some of it out.’

‘Indeed?’ Spock replied eyebrow quirked. 

‘A very little, Spock. But, that one is logic, isn’t it?’ Jim replied pointing to a swirling shape on Spock’s leg.

‘Precisely,’ Spock replied.

‘And that one is ethics,’ Jim continued, pointing to another shape on Spock’s other leg, ‘And that one,’ he pointed to a shape on Spock’s stomach, his finger so close he could feel the heat from Spock’s body, ‘that one I recognise… I’ve definitely seen it before. But, I’m not sure what it means.’

Spock flushed green, ‘The Vulcan word roughly translates to…love.’

‘Does it?’ Jim asked, his eyes meeting Spock’s. It means love. Dare I disturb the universe? For a moment he was overwhelmed by the need to confess his love then and there. But something held him back. This time it was not fear. It was instinct, intuition. The same instincts that he relied upon everyday as a captain. He was ready to speak. But was Spock ready to listen? 

Spock had said that this rite would help him to refine his understandings of the Surakian path. That was important, so important for Spock’s wellbeing. Clearly, Spock wanted to keep whatever he was working through to himself. And that was his right. He deserved the space to focus on that for the time being.

Soon Jim would confess. But his instincts told him to hold back, just a bit longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The poem Jim quotes with 'I have measured out my life with coffee spoons' and 'do I dare disturb the universe?' is The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock by T.S. Eliot. 
> 
> I consulted this website: http://korsaya.org/ in thinking about the Vulcan writing and whether or not Jim would be able to understand what Spock had written. In particular, the Vulcan calligraphy vs standard script issue. There are examples of both on the website if you are curious.


	10. Chapter 10

By the time Spock returned to his quarters he was in great need of meditation. He resolved to spend the rest of the afternoon and evening in meditation, late into the night, again foregoing dinner. He sat in his usual comfortable meditation posture and allowed his mind to centre itself. 

Slowly, he began to review the day and his own reactions to events. He would carefully review and set aside each thought, each feeling, as the Suarkian meditative technique demanded. At the same time, he would inscribe his reactions upon his body in accordance with the Tahli rite. 

Spock acknowledged a deep sense of shame. In connection with the shame was the thought that he had failed Jim. He recalled Jim’s assurances that he was not disappointed in Spock, but all that demonstrated was Jim’s generous nature. Spock examined the motivations for his own behaviour. It was only natural for Spock to write in Vulcan. Everyone slips into their mother tongue when communicating the personal to themselves. Clearly, Jim had expected this.

And yet, he had not written in his own first written language. The first script that he ever learned as a young child was the Vulcan standard script. The swirling majesty of calligraphy, a script that only the most educated of Vulcans could read in any depth, he had not learned until much later in his education. In fact, Spock admitted to himself with a twinge of shame, he had been writing in standard long before he could write in calligraphy. 

So, why then had he instinctively chosen to write in the calligraphic script? While it was true that calligraphy was favoured for ceremonial and decorative purposes that was not the reason. It was to protect his own privacy. And protect it from whom? From Jim. Who else? The Ashtahli could not read standard let alone Vulcan. 

Of course, an argument could be made in favour of the central importance of privacy to Vulcans. Spock may have found succour in such an argument if he had, in fact, conducted himself in an entirely appropriate manner for a Vulcan. But, no. Spock had to confront the fact that he had not merely chosen to write upon himself in the calligraphic script. He had also, at the first opportunity, poured over Jim’s body, reading every word. He had read every word openly and blatantly, and had then proceeded to offer his unsolicited commentary! 

Spock felt his skin flush green as a fresh wave of shame overtook him. His behaviour was absolutely unacceptable for a Vulcan. He could not find succour in his right to privacy when he showed such utter contempt for Jim’s. There could only be one conclusion: he had failed his t’hy’la. 

This rite was an opportunity for their t’hy’la bond to grow and deepen and he had chosen to let that opportunity slip. Spock lifted the pen to begin his inscription and paused. Would he continue writing in calligraphic script? Or in the standard? 

He found himself wanting to change to the standard. But he considered, as he had not done before, Jim’s reaction. Jim would think that he himself had forced the issue and that Spock was only writing in standard to appease him. Further, Spock calculated a 94.7% chance that Jim would conclude that he should not speak so openly in the future about his reactions to Spock’s behaviour. That would not do. Spock reconciled himself to the fact that this opportunity was gone. He had already missed it. Kaiidth. But he could, and he would, confide in Jim in the future.  
Spock inscribed his shame at failing Jim in the swirling Vulcan calligraphy, now curling down past his knee to his lower leg. Surveying his handiwork, Spock concluded that Jim’s approach of jumping from body part to body part, spreading the writing over his body from the beginning was a better idea. It had seemed logical to begin at a single point, closest to the clothed part of his body and slowly spread outward in each direction. As a result, Spock’s upper legs and stomach were covered in detailed writing, but his upper chest, arms, and feet were all bare, with the writing beginning to spread to his lower legs. It looked like a disease, a festering disease that would eventually spread and consume him. 

Spock added that thought to his lower leg and then deliberately set it aside. He spent exactly 2 hours and 30 minutes in a deep meditative trance before turning to the next topic that he wished to examine: what he had learned about Jim. 

Although Spock had conducted himself in a thoroughly shameful manner and he should not have done so, he had, in fact, read the every word upon Jim’s body. Now that he had that knowledge, such in-depth knowledge of his precious t’hy’la, it would be illogical not to examine it. He turned his mind to the words he had read and was rolled by a wave of anger. He carefully acknowledged the anger and set it aside. The fact was that Jim had many erroneous statements written upon his person. Why?

Jim had pointed out that Spock also would have ‘nasty’ comments written on himself. And, indeed, he did. But they were not erroneous. For example, it was entirely factual and in accordance with logic that if Spock had been faster, 1.7 seconds faster to be precise, his mother would have lived. In contrast, Jim attributed responsibility to himself where there was none, where his actions could not have been otherwise and where, if they had of been, logic dictated that the outcome would have been the same. Spock had read upon Jim’s person multiple erroneous claims of that nature regarding Jim’s actions as a Starfleet Captain. However, the most glaring and inaccurate was ‘I killed my father’. How could Jim have arrived at such a conclusion? His father’s death had occurred before Jim had been capable of conscious decision-making and his actions conscious or otherwise, had played no causal role in Captain George Kirk’s death. In fact, it was Spock who was responsible, albeit a future Spock of an alternate timeline. 

It was infuriating. Spock carefully acknowledged his anger and set it aside. How could a man of such rare intelligence, generosity, and wisdom think such things of himself? Jim was clearly, by any objective measure available, the best Captain in the Fleet and one of the most exceptional humans ever to have been born. Yet, his thoughts about his own conduct defied logic.  
Spock recalled that Jim even had the word ‘whore’ inscribed upon himself. Utterly illogical. Spock knew for a fact that Jim did not offer his body up for money. Indeed, when they had first met, Jim had routinely offered his body to others without any monetary exchange. Was it a reference to this former promiscuity? Illogical. Jim’s sexual history fell within human norms and humans were typically accepting of a great variety of consensual sexual practices. Spock admitted that there may be elements of Jim’s history that he was not privy too. Painful elements.  
Spock paused to inscribe this disturbing thought upon his leg. He then returned to a deep meditative trance for 3 hours precisely. Returning to his contemplations, he considered any implications for his deepening understanding of the Surakian way. He then catalogued questions for Amresh. Jim had said that Amresh had spoken to him already. Jim understood that Amresh wished to speak to them separately at this time. It was logical to assume that Amresh would initiate a discussion with Spock in the morning. 

Questions catalogued, Spock returned to a deep meditative trance for one hour and then proceeded to retire for the evening. As Spock had predicted, Amresh called upon him early in the morning. Spock had just finished his routine morning meditation when he heard the knock upon the door. 

‘Greetings, Spock,’ Amresh smiled, tentacles wiggling.

‘Greetings,’ Spock replied, gracefully standing from his mediation posture, ‘I anticipate that we are to discuss my progress today.’

‘Yes,’ Amresh smiled, ‘That is my intention. Shall we find a comfortable spot in the garden?’

Spock nodded, ‘That would be suitable.’

Amresh and Spock walked together in silent contemplation until Amresh found a suitable spot. Spock nodded his consent and they sat, Spock in a more relaxed version of his usual meditation pose. 

‘Spock, I will respect your right to…’ Amresh hesistated, wrapping his tongue around the unfamiliar word, ‘privacy… However I am at your service if there is any aspect of the rite or your progress that you believe it would be useful to discuss.’

‘There are several matters I would like to discuss,’ Spock replied.

Amresh nodded, ‘Good.’

‘Are you aware that Jim has erroneous statements written upon his person?’ Spock asked.

Amresh tilted his head to the side curiously, ‘You suspect Jim of deceit?’

‘Negative,’ Spock replied quickly, ‘My apologies. I did not intend to make such a serious accusation against Jim. I am confident that Jim believes what he has written. However, in a number of instances he is clearly mistaken. There are multiple errors of both logic and empirical fact.’

Amresh nodded, tentacles wiggling, ‘People often are.’

‘Are what?’ Spock asked, brows knitted in confusion.

‘Mistaken,’ Ashtahli replied.

Spock’s quirked an eyebrow, ‘Indeed.’

‘Spock within Ashtahli society sharing freely offers an opportunity for such errors to be known and corrected,’ Amresh stated, ‘For example, you now have an opportunity to inform Jim of his errors of judgement.’

‘I see…’ Spock answered, considering this, ‘that is an advantage of the Ashtahli way of life.’

The conversation paused as Spock continued to think. Eventually, he spoke, ‘Jim cannot read the writing upon my person as I chose to write in the calligraphic script. When I pointed out that many of the statements on him were erroneous he contended that he would likely take a similar view of what is written upon my person, should he read it.’

Amresh nodded, ‘This is true.’

‘I fail to see how,’ Spock answered, ‘everything written upon my person conforms to both logic and empirical fact.’

Amresh smiled, facial tentacles twitching, ‘Jim has never before convinced you that you were in error?’

Spock considered this, ‘You are correct. He has convinced me of errors in my thinking multiple times.’

‘Well then,’ Amresh concluded, ‘Until you share with Jim what is written upon you, you must remain open-minded to the idea that he would be able to produce some convincing counter arguments if given the opportunity.’

Spock nodded, ‘That is logical.’

Again, the conversation paused while Spock was deep in thought. Eventually, he spoke, ‘I would like to raise another topic of discussion. As I Vulcan, I follow the teachings of Surak. My experience with the Talosh made me realise that I may have misunderstood Surakian principles. I have been meditating on this, attempting to perfect my understanding.’ 

‘I see,’ replied Amresh, ‘Obviously I am ignorant of Surak’s teachings. But if you could explain the basic problem under consideration, I would gladly offer what insights I can from an Ahstahli perspective.’ 

Spock nodded, ‘Surak taught that emotion clouds judgement and that logic is the wisest path. Accordingly, followers of Surak practice emotional control. Following my experiences with the Talosh, I realised that there is a difference between emotional control and suppression. Jim elucidated the subtle, yet important distinction, quite elegantly in metaphor. He stated that there is a difference between running from and running to.’

‘This is true,’ Amresh replied contemplatively, ‘I thank you for sharing this. It has given me better insight into your revelations under the effects of Talosh. I believe I understand the distinction that you are making. I would say that there is a difference between obtaining emotional control by controlling your emotions and obtaining emotional control by ensuring that your emotions do not control you. In my experience, the former does not work. From an Ashtahli perspective, we believe that the very emotions that we do not acknowledge, that we do not live grounded in, end up controlling us. By grounding ourselves in our truth we retain the ability to choose our actions.’

Spock nodded, brow furrowed in thought, ‘I understand. I shall meditate on this insight.’

‘I hope that participating in this rite has assisted you in acknowledging your emotions, Spock, without allowing them to control you.’

‘Indeed, I believe it has,’ Spock said, ‘Thank-you, Amresh.’

Amresh smiled, ‘If that is all, I will leave you for now.’

Spock nodded, ‘That is all.’

Spock remained in the atrium, contemplating his fresh insights into the Surakian way. After 45.6 minutes he heard Jim approach. In another 1.5 seconds he saw him: so much bare skin exposed, covered in writing. Jim strode towards Spock, pausing for a moment to pick an orange flower. He lifted the flower to his face as he walked, smelling its fragrance. 

‘Hi, Spock,’ Jim smiled, twirling the flower in his hand, ‘Am I disturbing you?’

‘Not at all,’ Spock answered conscious of his heart accelerating in his side. 

Jim beamed and collapsed on the ground, lounging next to Spock. Spock could not help but notice the way Jim glowed under the orange Tahli sun. He was…golden. Spock chided himself for such poetic language. 

‘Amresh track you down yet?’ Jim asked, casually inhaling the flower’s fragrance again. 

‘We have discussed my progress this morning,’ Spock replied.

Jim nodded, ‘Has the rite helped? I mean, you were hoping it would improve your understanding of Surakian principles, right? Is it doing so?’

‘Affirmative,’ answered Spock, ‘It has been most beneficial.’

‘I’m glad,’ Jim smiled softly.

‘Jim,’ Spock said carefully, ‘Amresh agreed with your claim that you would find many of the statements written upon my person erroneous should you read them. I find the suggestion interesting, since I can find no errors in logic or empirical fact myself. I should like, if you are willing, to test the hypothesis by presenting a statement for your consideration.’

Jim looked surprised. He considered Spock’s proposal for 3.4 seconds. Eventually, he smiled, casually tossing the flower aside. ‘Alright,’ he answered, ‘Go on then.’

‘Very well,’ Spock pointed to writing on his thigh, ‘this states that if I had of been faster, 1.7 seconds faster to be precise, my mother would have lived. Her death is my fault.’

‘Oh, Spock,’ Jim sighed. ‘I get why you are thinking like that. I think like that sometimes too. Well, as you can see,’ Jim gestured to the writing on his body.

‘Your attributions of blame are erroneous,’ Spock interrupted, ‘It is a matter of logic and empirical fact that if I had of been 1.7 seconds faster my mother would have lived.’

Jim sighed, ‘Spock, were you deliberately slow?’

‘Negative.’

‘If you had of known beforehand how events were going to play out, would you have acted differently?’

‘Affirmative.’

Jim shrugged, ‘All any of us can do is our best, given what we know at the time. The rest isn’t our fault. It is down to luck.’

‘I do not believe in luck,’ Spock answered, ‘the fact remains that my speed is part of the causal chain of events leading to my mother’s death.’

‘Spock a lot of stuff is part of that casual chain,’ Jim replied, ‘Nero, my dad’s death…’

‘The mistakes of my older counterpart,’ Spock added.

‘Alright. Sure. Your older self wouldn’t talk much about his life. Not even to me. But I bet there was a whole shitload of backstory leading up to that. The point is: there’s a whole chain of causality leading up to that moment and you focus on the one or two links that involve you. Where’s the logic in that? What makes you so damn special?’

‘I…’ Spock began, then paused as he considered Jim’s words, ‘You are correct. It is not logical. It is an emotive reaction.’

‘Of course I’m right,’ Jim smiled, his eyes ablaze with warmth, ‘I’ve been puzzling this shit out since the day I was born, Spock.’

Spock feels the edges of his lips twitch in his characteristic slight smile. 

‘Hypothesis confirmed, then?’ Jim laughed. 

‘Hypothesis confirmed,’ Spock answered.

‘Well, can we get something to eat? I’m starving,’ Jim asked, running his hand through his hair.

Spock raised a single eyebrow, ‘I am not averse to dining with you at this time. I have not yet eaten today.’

‘Wonderful,’ Jim grinned. 

After dining with Jim in the communal kitchens and checking on the ship’s status with Scotty, Spock retired to his quarters for another lengthy session of meditation. He had fresh insights to consider.


	11. Chapter 11

Jim woke feeling elated. Today they would return to Hall of Womanhood and Jim couldn’t wait to go. He had no desire to escape the Hall of Manhood. In fact, he was astounded by what his time in the Hall of Manhood had done for him. Wearing his darkest thoughts on his very skin had made his heart feel lighter than it had every done before. He was surprised how much he’d simply gotten used to his own darkness. Jim was knew, from long experience, that the way to become confident and competent at a task was to leap in and do it, in spite of the fear, over and over. He just never realised before that facing your own dark thoughts could work the same way. 

So, no he wasn’t elated at the idea of scrubbing the words off his body. His elation had everything to do with the Vulcan he knew was currently finishing his morning meditation just next door. Spock had found it necessary to spend much of his time over the past few days in meditation. And Jim, well, he missed him. 

Of course, he had actually seen Spock everyday and Jim didn’t need Spock to be at his side constantly or anything. But here Jim was idle in a way that he never was back on the Enterprise. Idle and restless with the desire to confess his love to Spock. 

Hopefully, hopefully, an opportunity would present itself once they were back to the Hall of Womanhood. With this hope in mind Jim readied himself for the day. He packed his duffel bag and, after a quick stop off in the shared bathroom, strode to the communal kitchens for breakfast. When he walked into the kitchen he found that Spock had beaten him. Spock was sitting on one of the seating cushions calmly eating one of the blue not-apples with the same careful consideration he seemed to naturally apply to any task. Jim ignored the hammering of his heart at the sight and helped himself to a piece of fruit, sitting beside him.

‘Well,’ Jim smiled as Spock met his gaze, ‘Back to the Hall of Womanhood today. I wonder what they have in store for us next.’

‘It would be illogical to speculate,’ Spock replied, the lightness of his tone telling Jim that he was teasing.

Jim munched on the blue fruit. The tartness wasn’t so bad now that he was prepared for it. After several bites he paused to ask, ‘Did you get out of this what you were hoping for, Spock?’

Spock considered Jim’s question carefully, ‘If you are referring to gaining insight into the correct application of Surakian principles, then yes. Ashtahli philosophy, though clearly distinct from that of Surak, is complementary in a manner that has improved my understanding of Surak. Although it is logical to expect that the perfection of my application of the principles will require continued practice, I believe I now have a clear understanding of what I am aiming for by following the Surakian way.’

Jim grinned widely a bubble of happiness rising inside, ‘that’s wonderful, Spock. I’m happy for you. I would expect that the Surakian way would mean a lifetime of continued practice and improvement for anyone. ’

‘Indeed,’ Spock nodded. His gaze shifted from Jim and he paused, considering, ‘I must also acknowledge the helpfulness of your insights.’

Jim grinned widely at this. ‘Oh no,’ Jim laughed, ‘Don’t tell me that an illogical human helped you to better understand Surak, Spock.’

‘Very well,’ Spock answered, the side of his mouth flicking upward in his characteristic smile, ‘I will not tell you.’

Jim chuckled with delight. Just as he was enjoying the moment, Amresh appeared in the kitchens. 

'Jim! Spock! Greetings,’ Amresh smiled. 

Jim and Spock both nodded, Jim smiling in return.

‘As you know, we return to the Hall of Womanhood today. I can see that you are both packed and ready. That’s wonderful,’ Amresh said, ‘When you have finished your breakfast I will take you to the bathhouse.’ 

‘I think we’ve finished,’ Jim replied, popping the last piece of fruit into his mouth. 

‘I have completed my meal,’ Spock agreed. 

Jim and Spock both stood, flinging their duffel bags over their shoulders and following Amresh through the garden-filled atrium to the other side of the Hall, where Amresh opened a door and motioned for them to enter. 

The bathhouse reminded Jim of Roman-style baths. In the centre of the large room there was an enormous warm pool. Jim could feel the heat coming off the water. Around the pool, on all sides, were multiple open showers and change stations.

‘The water within the bath contains the counter-agent that will remove the writing,’ Amresh stated gesturing towards the water, ‘You’ll need to soak in the bath for a little while, not long. You’ll notice the writing fading. When it has faded completely then you can get out.’

Jim gazed into the water. It wasn’t clear. It was opaque, milky. He figured that it was probably from the counter-agent, whatever it was. He noticed Spock diligently testing the water with his tricorder. When Spock nodded subtly, Jim knew that he must have confirmed that it was safe for them both.

Amresh gestured towards the showers, ‘Please shower before entering the bath for hygienic purposes. I would also advise that you shower again afterwards. The counter-agent, while perfectly safe, will leave a residue on your skin that you may find unpleasant.’

Jim nodded while Spock examined the showers thoughtfully. 

‘There are no Talosh ceremonies today,’ Amresh continued, ‘so you will be alone in here. I will wait for you in the atrium.’

‘Thanks, Amresh,’ Jim smiled as Amresh left, closing the door. At first Jim was grateful for the privacy. But being alone with Spock in the bathhouse…it was awkward. Perhaps a few naked Ashtahli would have improved the situation. Of course, if Jim felt uncomfortable, Spock would only feel more so. 

‘Ah, Spock,’ Jim said carefully, ‘we can take turns if you like. I can wait outside with Amresh until you are finished.’

Spock looked up from his examination of the showers and nodded. Jim thought Spock was agreeing and turned to head towards the door, but he was stopped by Spock saying, ‘Captain, that would create an unnecessary delay.’

Jim turned, surprised. ‘If it makes you comfortable then it isn’t unnecessary, Spock,’ Jim said gently.

Spock gazed back at Jim, standing straight and tall, something unreadable in his eyes. At last he said, ‘Jim, I am wearing Starfleet issue underwear underneath my sarong. Are you?’

‘Yes.’

Spock nodded, ‘I do not see why we cannot leave our underwear on as we bathe. We would be in a state of dress similar to traditional human attire for swimming. ’

Jim smiled, ‘Excellent suggestion, Spock. Quite right.’

Jim moved to one of the showers and removed his sarong, leaving his boxers. He turned on the water and let it run over his body, helping himself to the liquid soap that was available. He carefully avoided looking directly at Spock, who he noticed was doing the same. Jim stayed under the shower until he knew that Spock had already gotten into the bath. Then, he turned his shower off and joined Spock. 

The water was quite hot but not uncomfortably so. The opaque water even felt milky against his skin and Jim wondered what the counter-agent could be. There was a raised step circling around the pool, perfect for sitting on. Jim dived underwater and then swam up to Spock who was sitting at the side of the bath and joined him.

Spock looked relaxed. A green flush, brought out by the heat, rose up Spock’s chest and coloured his cheeks. Spock looked at Jim and his mouth twitched slightly in the equivalent of a smile. Jim felt his breathing hitch at the sight. Calm down, Jim, calm down. He silently promised his libido that he would indulge in all kinds of thoughts about joining Spock in a bath later if it would just shut up right now…

‘It is not unpleasant,’ Spock said.

‘Small talk, Spock?’ Jim replied with a wink, ‘I didn’t think Vulcans did that.’

‘I was merely attempting to put you at ease,’ Spock replied.

‘Ah-ha,’ Jim answered. Then, in a sudden moment of inspiration, he flicked the water with his hands, splashing Spock.

Spock expression was the perfect picture of shock. Not human shock, mind, Vulcan shock. 

Jim laughed, ‘Oh Spock, you should see your face.’

‘Jim,’ Spock replied a lightness in his tone letting Jim know that all was still well, ‘that was quite unnecessary. I do not have writing on my face.’

‘It was necessary for me, Spock,’ Jim smiled.

‘Quite illogical,’ Spock answered, quirking a single eyebrow.

‘Alright, I’m going to do some laps, or else I’ll be tempted to keep splashing you,’ Jim said.

‘If those are the alternatives then I concur that you should swim,’ Spock agreed.

Jim pushed off and swam the length of the pool, back and forth, alternating between freestyle and breaststroke. It felt good to swim but the heat of the water made it much harder. 

Eventually, he returned to where Spock was still sitting.

‘That’s tough in the hot water,’ Jim gulped, taking his place next to Spock.

Spock nodded, ‘Jim, the writing upon my person has faded.’

Jim looked down at himself, ‘Mine too.’

‘I believe I shall exit the baths in favour of the shower now,’ Spock said.

‘Sure,’ Jim replied, ‘I’ll join you in a moment…well not join…ah, you know what I mean.’

‘Indeed,’ Spock replied, eyebrow quirked and the barest hint of a smile on his face. He stepped out of the baths and Jim watched the water cascade down his lean, flushed green body, dark chest hair glistening with droplets of water. He carefully filed that image away for later. Spock padded off to the shower and Jim heard it start. He gave himself another moment to control his reaction before stepping out of the bath himself. 

A quick shower later and he was back to his usual self. He changed into fresh, dry boxers behind a towel for discretion and donned his command gold.

‘Feels good to be back in uniform,’ he said.

‘Indeed, it does, Jim,’ Spock agreed and they wandered back out into the atrium to meet Amresh. 

Amresh smiled in greeting and led them back to the Hall of Womanhood through the same pathway between the buildings that they had travelled in before. Once in the Hall of Womanhood they entered the atrium. 

As they walked through the garden-filled atrium of the Hall of Womanhood Jim was struck by how different the place now seemed. Whereas before it had been busy and buzzing with noise and social energy, now it was quieter, and more subdued. It didn’t have the same quiet, meditative atmosphere of the Hall of Manhood, but it was distinctly more subdued than before. When they did pass Ashtahli, it always in a group of six to eight. That is, a whole clutch of them. The Ashtahli that they passed were lying curdled up together in the sun whispering to each other, or strolling through the gardens hand in hand. They were always caught up entirely in each other, gazing at their clutch sister-mates with rapt attention. They were like newly-wed couples, Jim thought, except couples of six of more instead of two. Which, of course, he chided himself, was exactly what they were. 

Amresh led them to the opposite end of the Hall from where they had stayed before, in the same section of the building where Jayren had headed after the declarations ceremony, Jim remembered. 

‘After the declarations ceremony, the initiates live in their clutches,’ Amresh explained as they walked facial tentacles twitching, ‘The focus is on starting life as a clutch well in openness and truth. I hope you will be comfortable spending some time together as we do with our new clutch sister-mates.’

‘I’m sure it’ll be fine,’ Jim replied, ‘We spend plenty of time together on the Enterprise as well.’

‘Of course,’ Amresh smiled, ‘Here is your room.’

He opened the door revealing a large, open living space with areas for sleeping, eating and living. A massive bed, big enough for eight people was one side of the room. Adjacent to the bed was an open shower and a small curtained off area that Jim guessed was for toileting. In the centre of the room there was a sitting area with many seating cushions around a low table and on the side of the room opposite the bed there was a kitchen area with food. 

‘After the declarations ceremony, clutches do everything together for a time. It cements the bonds. You are, of course, free to leave your room and wander the gardens. However, it would be traditional to do so together,’ Amresh explained.

‘Indeed,’ Spock replied, one eyebrow quirked. 

Jim nodded, his heart thumping. He was going to get exactly as he’d hoped: concentrated time with Spock. Surely an opportunity to confess his love would present itself? 

‘It is usual to spend the time in conversation,’ Amresh continued, ‘deepening your understanding of each other.’

‘We understand,’ Jim replied, skin prickling in anticipation. 

‘Very well,’ Amresh nodded, ‘I will leave you to it. I will visit you tomorrow for mentorship.’

‘Thank-you, Amresh,’ Jim replied and Spock nodded his agreement as Amresh left, closing the door behind him. 

Jim gazed around the room as Spock began efficiently unpacking. 

Jim sat on the bed and watched him. 

‘It’s comfortable,’ Jim said, ‘the bed I mean. I hope you don’t mind sharing. I mean it is enormous so it needn’t feel like we are sharing a bed at all. It is more of a technicality.’  
‘It does not discomfort me, technicality or not,’ Spock replied as he neatly folded his final shirt. 

‘Good,’ Jim nodded, getting up to unpack his own bag. As he unpacked he noticed that Spock was sitting on one of the seating cushions watching him. He finished quickly and joined him.  
As he sat, Spock spoke, ‘Our task is to converse and to deepen our understanding of each other. As it happens, I do have something to share.’

‘Alright,’ Jim nodded, trying to quieten a wave of nerves, ‘share it then.’

‘Jim,’ Spock began, his dark eyes flicking up to meet Jim’s and then back down. He paused and took a deep breath, beginning again, ‘Jim, you must be wondering what t’hy’la means.’

‘Yes,’ Jim replied his mouth suddenly dry, ‘Yes. I have been wondering.’

Spock nodded bringing his hands, palms together, to his face for a moment in what Jim recognised as a nervous gesture. He sighed, his hands dropping back down and said, ‘Your respect for my privacy is most admirable. However, given what you have heard, you have the right to know.’

‘I would like to know, Spock,’ Jim answered, ‘if you are willing to share it.’

Spock nodded and began to explain ‘Jim, the word t’hy’la dates from pre-Surakian times. It is an ancient concept, precious to the Vulcan people. It refers to a specific type of relationship that has long been honoured in Vulcan culture.’

Jim nodded and Spock continued, ‘The first thing that you must understand is that for a Vulcan any significant relationship comes with the potential to form a telepathic bond and t’hy’la is no exception to this.’

‘We have a telepathic bond?’ Jim asked, surprised.

‘Negative. We have the potential to form a telepathic bond. I am aware of this potential but it is not currently a full bond. I do not have access to your thoughts at this time. If you wish to do so we could choose to develop the bond. Once bonded, we could shield to maintain privacy. I would teach you. However, I understand that you are unlikely to wish to develop the bond. Such matters are usually distasteful to humans.’

‘Unlikely? Spock that sounds awesome,’ Jim replied with enthusiasm, ‘If you can teach me to shield, then what’s the problem?’

Spock shifted slightly, eyebrow raised, ‘Non-telepathic species tend to be uncomfortable with such matters.’

‘Oh, don’t get me wrong,’ Jim laughed, ‘I wouldn’t want just anyone in my head. But you aren’t just anyone, Spock. I trust you. It’d be similar to when you’ve melded with me, right? Like a constant low-grade meld?’

‘Affirmative,’ Spock answered, ‘that is an apt comparison. Properly shielded we would simply be able to detect each other’s mental presence. We could then choose to open the bond and communicate at will.’

‘Wow. That’d come in so handy,’ Jim replied his voice bubbling with excitement, ‘We could communicate at a distance, yes?’

‘Affirmative,’ Spock answered, ‘though the exact distance will depend upon the strength of our bond which is impossible to estimate at this time.’

‘Well, I definitely think we should cultivate the bond,’ Jim said, ‘so, is that what t’hy’la means? We are t’hy’la because we have the potential to form a telepathic bond?’

‘Negative,’ Spock replied, ‘For a Vulcan all significant relationships involve the capacity to bond telepathically. T’hy’la refers to a specific type of relationship.’

‘Alright,’ Jim nodded, ‘So, what is it then?’

‘As I stated, the concept dates from pre-Surakian times,’ Spock explained, ‘Vulcans were once aggressive and militaristic. Battles raged between clans for precious little resources. A significant proportion of the population lived as warriors and their deeds were glorified. Warriors would spend much of their lives away from their home, seeking victory on the battlefield. Interweaving mental bonds strengthened the armies. Further, forming a bond with a fellow soldier was often necessary for…biological reasons. Hence significant relationships between warriors were encouraged. It became common for warriors to develop a bond with a particular fellow solider: their t’hy’la.’

Spock paused in his history lesson for a moment, his gaze flicking to Jim. When he saw Jim’s rapt attention he continued, ‘some warriors chose to marry their t’hy’la. Other soldiers kept a wife or a husband at home and a t’hy’la on the battlefield. Although females have held positions of power on Vulcan since ancient times, and there were noted female warriors, you’ll appreciate that the biological realities of child-bearing meant that 74.3% of the armies were male at the peak of the pre-Reformation wars. T’hy’la bonds between males were not unusual.’

‘Right…’ Jim replied, ‘Look, Spock, I appreciate the historical context, but I still don’t know what it actually means for us to be t’hy’la. What does the word mean in contemporary Vulcan?’

Spock sighed, ‘Jim, t’hy’la refers to a relationship that includes friendship, deep friendship and meaningful joint endeavour…’

‘Joint endeavour?’ Jim asked, frowning in concentration.

‘Like the warriors who fought together,’ Spock answered, ‘T’hy’la share in purpose and labour and their sharing enriches the achievements of both.’

‘Right, like us as a command team.’

‘Precisely,’ Spock replied, continuing, ‘T’hy’la are also accepted as next of kin, just as much as a husband or a wife.’

Jim nodded, ‘Alright. Friendship, joint endeavour, next of kin. Is that it?’

‘Negative, there is another aspect to the relationship. T’hy’la are traditionally… or at least have the capacity to be…’ Spock paused for a moment, his hands fisting. He looked away from Jim and whispered, ‘sexually intimate.’

‘Lovers?’ Jim asked, his heart thumping in response, ‘Spock, are you telling me that t’hy’la are lovers?’

‘Affirmative,’ Spock answered softly, still looking away, ‘Jim, we are by no means obliged to act on this potential. I do not have any expectation that you will reciprocate my…my…interest... Indeed, I do not wish to make you uncomfortable. However, upon reflection, I realised that you had the right to know what the word t’hy’la meant so that you could understand, just as any Vulcan would, what it meant for me to name you my t’hy’la…’

Jim’s heartbeat thudded in his ears. He tried to move his mouth and found it completely dry. Eventually he managed to choke out, ‘Spock…’ 

‘Yes, Jim?’ Spock answered, his dark eyes shifting back to look at Jim, waiting for the verdict. The moment had come.

‘It is you,’ Jim spluttered, ‘the person I’m in love with. It is you. I’m in love with you, Spock.’

‘You are in love with me…’ Spock whispered in reply, as if he was still trying to process the information.

‘I’m going to kiss you now. Is that okay?’ Jim asked, moving closer to Spock.

‘It is…’ Spock replied, his mouth twitching up into a slight smile, ‘It is more than okay, Jim. It is necessary.’

Jim paused in his approach, his head tilting to the side as he considered Spock’s answer, ‘necessary? We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Not ever, Spock.’ 

‘You misunderstand, Jim,’ Spock answered carefully a soft green blush extending across his cheeks, ‘I find it to be… necessary…for me...’

Jim smiled warmly, ‘Well, in that case…’ and he leant into Spock’s mouth, gently grazing it with his lips. Spock sighed into the kiss and leant forward, deepening it. Jim’s tongue darted out and Spock’s mouth opened in reply. Jim groaned into Spock’s mouth and it was as if a dam had broken. They pushed hard against each other, hands roaming, mouths devouring hungrily. It was so good. So, so good. Jim wanted to touch every inch of Spock. To breathe him in. To devour him. Jim groaned and pulled back while he still could. Spock tried to follow for more kisses but Jim stopped him, holding him back. 

‘Spock,’ Jim whispered, ‘we don’t have to do anything more tonight.’

Spock’s dark eyes burned and he growled in frustration. 

Jim chuckled, ‘On the other hand, if you are sure you want to I’m not going to say no.’

Spock blinked rapidly and he sighed, ‘Jim, I see no logical reason to delay in our expression of mutually desired intimacy. However, should you wish to delay I will not object.’

‘Apart from the growling thing?’ Jim teased.

Spock flushed green, ‘That was inappropriate.’

‘I don’t see any reason to wait either,’ Jim answered, ‘but we should discuss safety first. I’ve been tested for everything under the sun recently and I haven’t been with anyone in ages. So I’m good. If you like Bones can verify. I won’t be offended.’

‘That will not be necessary,’ Spock said, ‘I am also certain that I am disease-free.’

‘So there’s no need to take any precautions then?’ Jim checked.

‘It would be illogical,’ Spock agreed.

‘Okay, well I think you should know that I’ve never been with a Vulcan,’ Jim said.

Spock quirked an eyebrow, ‘I’d be surprised if you had. Anatomically humans and Vulcans are quite similar.’

‘Why would you be surprised?’ Jim asked curiously.

‘Vulcans do not engage in sexual intimacy outside of significant, committed relationships. If you had engaged in a committed relationship with a Vulcan I estimate the chances that I would have been unaware of this to be less than 0.007%’ Spock answered.

Jim considered this, ‘So have you been with anyone apart from Nyota?’

Spock flushed green, ‘Negative.’

‘Alright, good to know,’ Jim smiled.

‘Jim, you should also know that intimacy will naturally strengthen the bond. It is a gradual process. A single night will not have a significant effect. However, should we pursue an ongoing intimate relationship the bond will strengthen over time,’ Spock said. 

‘Good. I want that.’ Jim replied.

‘Very well,’ Spock answered, ‘Is there anything further that we should discuss?’

‘No,’ Jim replied moving forwards, ‘I’m going to kiss you again.’

Spock leaned forward and pressed his lips to Jim’s beating him to it. Jim groaned into his mouth, kissing Spock passionately. 

Spock pulled away and this time Jim tried to follow and Spock held him back. Spock took one of Jim’s hands and manipulated it so the first two fingers were extended. He held his own hand in a similar fashion and brushed his fingers up and down Jim’s sighing as he did so. The touch of Spock’s fingers on his felt good. But what felt even better was the feeling of Spock’s mind inside him, brushing up against his own mind.

Jim groaned, ‘Oh god, Spock. How are you doing that?’

‘It is a Vulcan kiss,’ Spock whispered, his pupils blown wide.

‘You kiss like this?’ Jim groaned.

‘It is a particularly intimate Vulcan kiss,’ Spock sighed. 

Through the ‘kiss’ Jim could feel Spock’s desire and it inflamed his own. 

‘Oh Spock…’ he groaned, ‘I think we should move to the bed.’

Spock nodded and they moved towards the enormous bed, still clasping hands. Jim pushed Spock onto the bed and climbed on top of him, kissing him passionately in the human fashion, fingers still entangled, roughly approximating a Vulcan kiss. Spock breathed heavily and began to buck into Jim’s body. Jim pushed down in return, groaning at the feeling of his erection rubbing against Spock’s.

‘Jim, oh, Jim, my t’hyla…’ Spock called out. 

He could sense Spock’s quickly escalating pleasure through the light contact he still had directly with Spock’s mind. Jim stilled, breathing heavily and Spock gasped at the loss of friction. 

‘Spock…’ Jim whispered, ‘My lovely Spock, what do you want?’

‘Everything…’ Spock whispered back.

Jim chuckled, ‘I will give you everything, my love. But what do you want right now?’

‘You,’ Spock growled.

‘Very well,’ Jim answered lifting himself off of Spock and pulling off his shirt, ‘Let’s get our clothes off at least, huh?’

Jim pulled off his pants and boxers and kicked them away, his erection bobbing in front of his body. Spock lay on the bed, pupils blown wide, staring at Jim’s naked body hungrily. Jim gulped. Seeing such wanton desire written on Spock’s features, knowing that desire was fuelled by his own body, it was unbearably erotic. 

‘You too, Spock,’ Jim whispered. 

Spock blinked as if in a daze. Then he shifted off the bed and peeled off his own clothes, revealing a lean body, lean but taut with muscle, skin flushed green with excitement and a long erect green penis bobbing in front. Spock’s penis looked very similar to the human variety but it was wet and glistening. 

Jim pushed Spock back onto the bed.

‘That’s better. Now where were we?’ he asked as he began to push his erection against Spock’s. Spock gasped in pleasure and Jim groaned, ‘Oh that’s right.’

Spock reached out for Jim’s hand and Jim gave it gladly, delighted to feel the gentle rippling of Spock’s mind against his own again. 

Jim groaned.

‘Spock,’ he whispered into Spock’s ear, pausing to lick up to the pointed tip as Spock bucked under him, ‘I love you. I want to explore every inch of you. I want to give you everything, Spock.’

‘Oh, Jim,’ Spock sighed in response.

‘But right now, I give you this: I’m yours, Spock. Yours.’ 

‘T’hy’la…’ Spock managed to answer before Jim’s mouth found his and kissed him hungrily. Jim felt Spock’s climax through the gentle mind to mind contact, felt Spock’s body spasm beneath him, and felt Spock groan into Jim’s mouth. 

Jim continued his thrusting into Spock’s body, groaning into Spock’s mouth as he felt his own pleasure building. He focussed on the memory of Spock coming beneath him and soon he was groaning his own release. 

He lay on top of Spock, breathing heavily.

‘That was incredible, Spock,’ Jim whispered as Spock’s hands gently caressed his back. 

‘Indeed,’ Spock sighed.

Jim rolled off of Spock and cuddled into him, ‘Is this okay?’

‘Is what okay?’ Spock asked.

‘Me cuddling you like this,’ Jim replied.

‘It is,’ Spock answered, ‘however, we are both covered in ejaculatory fluids.’

Jim laughed, ‘How did that happen? Alright we’ll clean up first.’ 

Jim found some paper towels near the shower and brought them to the bed, cleaning them both.

‘Better?’

‘It is satisfactory,’ Spock replied.

Jim climbed back into bed, curling into Spock, listening to his heart thumping in his side. He yawned. 

‘Love you so much, Spock…’

‘And I you, ashayam…’


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank-you so much to everyone reading this story. It has been a delight to read your comments. It is thrilling to know that there are people out there actually enjoying this! A couple of things to note:
> 
> I've reviewed my planning for this fic. There is at minimum three chapters left after this one to complete the basic story. But, looking through my plans, I think would like to flesh it out more and I can already see ways to do that. So, that's what I'm going to do. The good news then is that this fic will be longer. Of course, I need to spend more time in planning and research mode so the next couple of updates may take longer. 
> 
> Also, please note that chapter starts with a flashback to child sexual abuse. The flashback is not graphic, the actual abuse is not shown. However, if you wish to skip it altogether then jump to line 40 'The silence rung in Jim's ears'. Hmm, I say line but maybe I mean paragraph? I use more paragraph spaces here because it is easier to read. You need to jump down 40 paragraph spaces. Hopefully that makes sense.

Jim could hear the crunching of the leaves under his feet as he walked. The sound roared within his ears, unnaturally loud. 

I’m back.

No. No! It is a dream. Wake up, dammit! Wake up. 

But he kept walking. The hunger. The all-consuming hunger.

Wake up! 

It had been so long since he’d been trapped in this particular memory.

Please, please, wake up…

Why was it never the first time, the brutal, forced first time so wholly unwanted? Why was it always the second…or the third…or the fourth…the rest just kind of blurred in together. But why did it always start like this? With the walk. With the choosing…

No! Don’t! But the hunger…

Laughter.

‘The whore’s back…’ a rough male voice said. 

‘You know what you need to do if you want this bread, don’t you, my little whore?’

No! Don’t do it! Wake up!

Suddenly the scene shifted. Spock! He was with Spock.

‘Jim, my t’hy’la…’

Safe. Spock. Safe. Jim reached out to Spock and clutched at him wildly. 

‘Jim, my t’hy’la’, Spock whispered softly as he stroked Jim’s back, ‘Jim, my little whore…’

No!

Spock stood abruptly, leaving Jim to fall on his hands and knees. Spock stood and a Vulcan woman stood beside him, her face twisted into a sinister smile, an expression all the more unnatural because it tainted a Vulcan face. 

‘Soldiers kept a wife or a husband at home and a t’hy’la on the battlefield,’ Spock said calmly.

The words echoed through Jim’s mind.

‘Oh, Jim,’ Spock said, his eyebrow raised, ‘you should have listened more carefully to my history lesson. What did you think that meant, my little whore?’

Jim gasped as he finally woke.

‘Jim, my t’hy’la…’

Spock. Safe. No! 

Jim moved towards Spock’s embrace but, halfway there, he quickly jumped back. 

‘Don’t touch me!’ he screamed, hands flailing out in front of his body. 

‘Jim…’ Spock repeated but he stayed put, hands fisted. 

Jim gulped for air and choked back tears. He wiped the tears away with his hands and pulled his legs in close to his body. Gradually, slowly, the tears settled and his breathing steadied.  
Spock watched carefully. Eventually, when Jim seemed calm, he spoke ‘You were having a nightmare, Jim.’

‘Flashback,’ Jim choked out. 

‘I see,’ Spock whispered, his fists clenching at his side. 

Jim sighed deeply. His breathing had finally returned to normal. ‘Well, a flashback that turned into a nightmare,’ he said quietly, ‘we were touching weren’t we? Did you see?’

‘Negative,’ Spock replied gently, ‘Jim, I value your privacy. Your emotional response was so intense that I did pick up on your distress through the shields. However, your distress was also readily apparent in your behaviour.’

Jim closed his eyes and nodded. He licked his lips and whispered, ‘You know about Tarsus IV.’

‘Affirmative,’ Spock replied in a tender, concerned tone.

‘Well,’ Jim continued, eyes still closed, not wanting to see Spock’s reaction as he confessed ‘what you don’t know is that I was a whore. One of the guards he… I became his little whore. I sold myself for scraps of bread…That’s how I survived, Spock.’

‘Oh Jim,’ Spock whispered, unconsciously reaching towards Jim then quickly forcing his hands back to his sides, clenching his fists yet again. ‘My t’hy’la, I didn’t know that you endured sexual abuse along with… ‘

‘I chose it!’ Jim screamed, cutting Spock off. ‘I chose it. Once I knew it’d get me a scrap of bread I fucking walked there and chose it. I was a whore.’ 

Spock kept silent. Although it was clear to him that Jim was sexually abused by a predator, a predator who took advantage of his position and a famine to commit heinous acts against a minor, Jim was not in a state conducive to listening to reason. 

The silence rung in Jim’s ears. At last, Jim opened his eyes and looked at Spock. He was astonished by what he saw on Spock’s face: love. Complete and utter love and acceptance. Seeing that helped to bring Jim back to the present time. He started to relax, the lingering emotions of his fourteen year old self fading back into the background of his life. 

Jim sighed. 

'I wish to comfort you, ashayam,’ Spock whispered, ‘please tell me what to do.’

Jim moved forward and collapsed into Spock’s arms. Spock silently stroked up and down his back. They stayed that way for a long time, the minutes ticking by. 

The flashback had faded but the after effects of the nightmare still swirled menacingly in Jim’s mind, demanding answers. 

‘Spock?’ Jim whispered into Spock’s neck. 

‘Yes, Jim…’

‘Are you planning to take a wife?’ 

Spock stilled. ‘It is complicated,’ he replied carefully.

Anxiety twisted in Jim’s gut. Shit. Dammit. Fuck.

‘I understand,’ Jim heard himself mumble even though he didn’t understand at all. Because he knew who he was. He was the whore who would take the scraps. Shit. He wasn’t even going to fight it, was he? He was just going to take whatever scraps of love Spock could give. Fuck.

‘I understand,’ Jim repeated his voice strangely empty, ‘I’m just for the battlefield. I get it. And you’ll need a Vulcan wife for all those Vulcan children that you no doubt think it is your duty to have.’

‘Jim,’ Spock sighed, beginning to once again stroke Jim’s back, ‘you do not understand at all. I have no desire to be with anyone but you. In fact, if you wish it, I would be honoured to call you my husband as well as my t’hy’la. But whether or not we marry, if I am with you alone, that has certain implications for you. Implications that you may find distasteful. If you would prefer for me to take a wife then I will do so.’

Jim pulled back from Spock’s embrace to look into his eyes, ‘You…you’d marry me?’ 

‘Yes. Of course, Jim,’ Spock answered, brow furrowed in concern, ‘But you may not wish to marry me.’

‘I do, Spock,’ Jim said smiling brightly, ‘I really do!’ Jim laughed. ‘I’ve never thought about marriage before in my life,’ he gushed, ‘I was just worried about sharing you…but now that you mention it, yes, I do want to marry you.’

Spock stiffened again. ‘You do not have all the facts.’

‘Well, tell me,’ Jim pleaded. 

Spock looked away and closed his eyes as a faint green blush spread across his cheeks, ‘It is to do with biology. There are similar instances on Earth: a salmon is driven to return to that one particular stream to mate, a cat will go into heat. It is called Pon Farr. It is a kind of madness that you will no doubt find distasteful. Once in Pon Farr, if I cannot sate my basest desires with a partner to whom I am bonded then I will die. The madness will consume me every seven years from my thirty-fifth year.’

‘I find nothing about you distasteful, Spock,’ Jim said passionately, ‘nothing, you understand?’

Spock opened his mouth to object but when the words wouldn’t come he simply nodded in acknowledgement.

‘Alright, so it is a time of mating, yes?’ Jim asked, ‘We’ll need to take a break from work and have a lot of sex, is that right? For, what, days, weeks?’

Spock gulped, ‘For several days. I apologise that I cannot be more precise.’

Jim nodded, ‘Right. Fine. Easy. I will be your partner for Pon Farr. Done.’

‘Jim,’ Spock pleaded, ‘please understand that it is not so simple. I will not be in my right mind. I will not listen to reason. I will be crazy with lust. I will be demanding and rough and insatiable. Especially given your experiences, Jim, I would never expect you to…’

‘Spock!’ Jim interrupted, ‘Especially given my experiences? No, Spock, you don’t get to use my trauma as a reason why I can’t help you. I’m not going to let some abusive fuck from my past stop me from loving you. Anyway, it is not the same thing. Being with you while you are crazed with lust is not abuse, no matter how demanding and rough you’ll be.’

‘Jim, please…’ Spock pleaded, ‘Consider carefully before you agree. I won’t be able to live with myself if you agree and then…and then…’

‘And what?’ Jim asked, ‘And I lose respect for you? And I’m scared of you? And I’m disgusted my you?’

Spock nodded, his face downcast.

‘Spock,’ Jim said grasping Spock’s head in his hands, ‘Seeing you wild with lust, satisfying your every desire again and again for days until you finally collapse with exhaustion, that is not going to make feel frightened or disgusted and it is not going to make me lose respect for you. Spock, my lovely Spock, we are naked and you are a scientist, so why don’t you take a look at the effect just talking about Pon Farr and your insatiable desires is having on me?’

Gingerly, Spock looked up and he saw at once that Jim had a raging hard-on. 

Spock flushed green and Jim leaned forward whispering in his ear, ‘I want you so badly, Spock and I’m going to satisfy every damn desire you have whether you are experiencing Pon Farr or not. Every damn desire…’

Spock shuddered, his penis quickly hardening, ‘Jim…’

Jim licked Spock’s ear, nibbling gently on the tip. Spock’s breathing quickened. 

‘I still have so much exploring to do,’ Jim whispered as he began to kiss and lick his way down Spock’s neck and onto his chest, Spock making the most delightful whimpering noises as he did so. Jim pushed Spock backwards, so that Spock was lying down on the bed. He climbed on top of him, continuing to lick and kiss. He took one of Spock’s nipples into his mouth and sucked and was thrilled when Spock’s breathing hitched. 

Jim continued to slowly make his way down Spock’s body, eventually moving his attentions to Spock’s inner thighs where he kissed and sucked and licked, leaving long trails of saliva. Spock continued to whimper, his breathing faster and faster. Eventually he spluttered, ‘Jim, please, you torture me…’

Jim chuckled and he took Spock’s penis into his mouth. Spock gasped loudly and he bolted upright. 

Jim let Spock’s erection fall from his lips, ‘Spock, are you okay? Was that alright?’

Spock gulped, ‘Yes, Jim.’

‘Do you want me to continue? Or do something else or stop altogether?’

‘Continue,’ Spock said roughly, ‘Please, please, continue, Jim.’

Jim smiled, ‘Alright, and just so we are clear, feel free to come in my mouth.’

Spock’s eyes widened at this and he made a choked, wordless noise. Seeing Spock like this, so wanton, it was painfully erotic. To have the power to make Spock, of all people, come undone. It was almost enough to make Jim himself come then and there.

Jim licked down Spock’s shaft, gently swirling his tongue on the head. Spock gasped and bucked. Jim took Spock’s erection fully into his mouth and sucked. Spock moaned loudly and bucked into Jim’s mouth. Jim reached up and grabbed Spock’s hand, rubbing Spock’s fingers with his own in as close an approximation to the Vulcan kiss as he could manage while simultaneously giving head. Spock made another choked, wordless noise. Jim could feel Spock’s climax approaching through the mind to mind contact of the Vulcan kiss. When it came, it crashed over them both. Jim swallowed down Spock’s climax, relishing it, feeling the reverberations in his own mind. He let go of Spock’s hand to beat out his own quick release, the taste of Spock’s come lingering on his tongue as he licked a final droplet from the head. 

‘Oh Spock!’ Jim cried, as he sprayed Spock’s thighs with his release. 

Catching his breath, Jim lent down to whisper in Spock’s ear, ‘And that’s how much I enjoy quenching your desires, Spock, my love.’

In response, Spock pulled Jim close for a hungry kiss. As Spock’s tongue darted into Jim’s mouth, Spock groaned and deepened the kiss, tongue pushing its way into Jim’s mouth with a voracious enthusiasm. Eventually, Jim had to push Spock away to gasp for air. 

‘Spock, darling, I need to breathe,’ Jim puffed out. 

‘Apologies,’ Spock said, abashed, ‘the taste of my seminal fluids in your mouth…I…ah…’ Spock flushed a deep shade of green.

Jim laughed, ‘Oh you like that do you? I suppose a lot of guys do. Though you seem to have a particular kink for it.’

Spock opened his mouth as if to reply but Jim cut him off, ‘Don’t even think about telling me that Vulcans don’t have kinks. Not now that I know about the secret insatiable desire time of mating fuck or die stuff you’ve got going on. That’s wild.’

Spock attempted to still his features into an expression of unmoved Vulcan dignity. But his naked and dishevelled state, Jim’s come still trickling down his thighs, rather spoiled the effect.  
Jim laughed and suggested a shower. After a quick shower, they put their boxers back on, Spock adding his light meditation robe for additional warmth, and searched the kitchen for food. Between sex, sleeping, and talking they had spent the day in bed and it was now well and truly dinner time. 

Spock located some pre-prepared Ashtahli dishes that simply required heating and carefully confirmed the meal’s safety with his tricorder. They sat side by side on the seating cushions while they finished their meal. Jim devoured the meal hungrily, consciously pausing multiple times to force himself to slow down. His first meal after a flashback was always like this. Spock was eating slowly and carefully as was his usual way. Jim tried to slow down my mimicking his rhythm, taking mouthfuls in time with Spock. It helped. When they were finished, Jim cleared the table and climbed into Spock’s arms. 

‘I can’t believe we are actually together,’ Jim said, ‘it feels so strange and yet so normal. I mean it is still just you and me, you know?’

‘Indeed,’ Spock replied, ‘I believe I grasp your meaning, Jim.’

‘Do you need to meditate tonight?’

‘You require more sleep than I do,’ Spock answered, ‘I will meditate while you sleep.’

Jim nodded and Spock stroked his back.

‘Spock,’ Jim began, lifting his head up to find Spock’s dark eyes, ‘sexually I’ve…ah…pretty much tried everything I could think of, at least once. What I’m really inexperienced in is making a relationship work in the long-term…’

Spock raised a single eyebrow as Jim continued, ‘you on the other hand have your experiences with Nyota to draw upon. Your relationship didn’t work out but it seemed healthy enough while it lasted and you are still friends. That’s got to count for something right? But I admit, I am wondering what exactly you did with Nyota…’

Spock flinched and flushed green, ‘sexually?’

Jim nodded, ‘yeah, sexually.’

Spock’s eyes darted away and he answered stiffly, ‘I apologise that my relative inexperience has been apparent in my performance.’

‘Spock,’ Jim sighed, ‘Don’t take it like that. I’ve had a lot of sex and today has been one of the most erotic experiences of my life.’

Spock relaxed again and met Jim’s eyes, ‘As I explained, for a Vulcan all significant relationships come with the potential to form a telepathic bond. Repeated sexual intimacy, in particular, creates and deepens such bonds. As a Vulcan, if I am in physical contact with another person when… when I…’

Spock paused, closing his eyes for a moment. He opened his eyes, determined to continue, ‘Jim, if I am in physical contact with another when I orgasm then I instinctively reach for mind to mind contact. Surely you felt my mind as I climaxed?’

Jim nodded, ‘yes I did. I thought that was just because I was holding your hand?’

‘Negative. It is difficult enough to maintain appropriate shields during sexual intimacy, however, it is impossible to do so during orgasm,’ Spock explained, ‘Nyota was already familiar with Vulcan culture when I met her. I did not need to explain to her that sexual intimacy was, by necessity, not a casual matter for me. She understood that it would only be possible when our relationship matured into a significant commitment. When the time came to explore sexual intimacy together, we found that we were still not certain of our future commitment to each other. After I explained the circumstances, we decided by mutual agreement that we needed to explore sexual intimacy to progress our relationship but that we would take steps to ensure that a bond did not develop and deepen prematurely. As it happened, we eventually decided to end our romantic relationship and the vestigial bond extinguished.’

Jim stroked his lips thoughtfully. ‘That makes sense,’ he eventually said, ‘I can see why you had to do that. So, what, you would bring her to orgasm then move away and jerk off?’

Spock flushed a deep shade of green, ‘that was typical, yes.’

‘Could you stay in the same room as her at least?’ Jim asked.

Spock nodded, ‘Affirmative. Usually she would talk to me while I…’ 

Jim nodded, ‘I understand. So, was that your first blow job?’ 

‘Negative,’ Spock answered, ‘Nyota provided oral stimulation on a number of occasions. However, she never did so to point of climax.’

‘So that was the first time you have come in someone’s mouth?’ Jim clarified and Spock nodded again.

‘No wonder you liked it so much,’ Jim smiled warmly, ‘Intercourse?’

‘Once. We decided we couldn’t risk it a second time because to my shame I…’ Spock gulped and looked down.

‘You came?’

Spock nodded. 

‘Shit. That must have been difficult,’ Jim said, ‘Nyota was good to you about it though, wasn’t she?’

‘Nyota was most understanding,’ Spock replied, ‘fortunately, she had taken the necessary precautions in terms of contraception, in spite of my protests that such precautions were illogical. It was a shameful lapse in control.’

Jim gently stroked his hands through Spock’s hair, ruffling it, ‘Spock, it sounds to me like you demonstrated an incredible degree of control in a complicated situation.’  
Spock sighed and leant into Jim’s touch.

‘And you aren’t in that complicated situation anymore, Spock,’ Jim whispered, ‘with me you can just be yourself and come as much as you want in whatever way you please.’ 

‘A fact for which I am very grateful, Jim,’ Spock replied, voice husky.

‘Shall we return to bed?’ Jim asked.

‘Yes, ashayam,’ Spock replied, ‘I think we should.’


	13. Chapter 13

Spock slept in. He slept 21.6 minutes longer than usual and 14.7 minutes in excess of his physiological requirements. Waking, he found Jim’s naked body cuddled up to his own. He gazed down at Jim’s face, relaxed in the throes of sleep: my t’hy’la. He could hardly believe all that had transpired in the past day. Jim was in love with him. They were in a committed relationship, with a view to marriage in the future. There were still many details to be discussed. But their mutual commitment was clear. It hardly seemed real. 

Spock was tempted to stay in bed, to spend the next several hours simply watching Jim sleep. But he was in need of meditation. Much had changed over the past day, and much had been revealed. Meditation could not be postponed. 

Spock gently lifted Jim’s body off his own and slipped out of the bed. He performed his morning ablutions, and dressed himself in his boxers and a meditation robe. He adopted a traditional meditation posture and began to carefully note and categorise his thoughts and feelings over the past day. There was much to be considered: his joy at Jim’s confession of love, his feelings of shame about Pon Farr, and the horror, the sheer protective rage that came with knowing more about Jim’s past. 

Spock spent 3.7 hours in deep meditation. He had reached a state of peace and was about to end the meditation when he heard Jim moving on the bed. He opened his eyes to see Jim carefully crawling along the massive bed to exit.

‘Oh sorry, Spock,’ Jim smiled, ‘I was trying to be quiet.’

‘No apology is necessary,’ Spock replied, ‘I have completed my morning meditation.’

Jim nodded, moving normally now as he climbed out of bed and stretched. Spock noticed his breathing hitch at the sight. 

‘You know, you look damn cute when you are meditating,’ Jim said as he walked towards the open bathroom.

Jim disappeared behind the curtain and Spock changed into his uniform. Then he moved toward the kitchen area to prepare breakfast. Spock carefully placed an array of Ashtahli fruits upon a plate, placing the plate on the low table in the centre of the room, and taking a seat on one of the seating cushions nearby.

Jim, finished with his ablutions and changed into his own uniform, sat next to him. They both took pieces of fruit and began to eat. Spock was relieved to notice that Jim was again eating at a more normal pace, for a human at least. This confirmed, for Spock, that his hypothesis formed the previous evening had been correct: Jim’s rapid eating was, indeed, an immediate after effect of the flashback. Spock resolved to take careful note of the pace of Jim’s consumption in the future. It would prove a convenient means to monitor Jim’s mental state.  
‘Spock,’ Jim smiled warmly, ‘I don’t suppose I could persuade you to join me back in the bed after this?’

Spock quirked an eyebrow, ‘While you are no doubt highly persuasive in such matters, Amresh said that he would visit us today. Based on prior behaviour, I predict that he will arrive in 10.4 minutes.’

‘Well, that’s not enough time,’ Jim laughed. He moved across to Spock and gently licked up Spock’s ear. Spock shivered. Then he whispered, ‘Very well, you have a short reprieve but you are to spend it thinking about all the exploring we still have to do and will do later today.’

Spock tilted his head up to capture Jim’s mouth in a kiss. Jim groaned as the kiss deepened. Spock continued for 44.7 seconds before pulling back and whispering, ‘Jim, such thoughts had already occurred to me.’

Jim chuckled, his face delightfully flushed, ‘Good.’ He sat back on his seating cushion and took another bite of the blue not-Apple. 

Spock returned to eating his fruit, carefully adjusting his physiological controls. 

Just as they were finishing up their breakfast, within a minute of Spock’s prediction, Amresh knocked at the door. Jim answered it and waved him in as Spock cleared the remains of their breakfast away.

‘Greetings,’ Amresh said, nodding towards Jim and Spock.

‘Hello, Amresh,’ Jim beamed, ‘Take a seat?’

‘Very well,’ Amresh replied, joining Jim and Spock on the seating cushions, ‘Before we begin to discuss your progress, there is an official matter I must raise.’

Jim nodded, and Spock watched fascinated by how Jim’s face instantly transformed into his Captain persona. It was a transformation that Spock had seen a hundred times. But somehow, after all he’d seen in the past day, the transformation seemed all the more remarkable. To think, he’d so recently seen that very face in an expression of ecstasy…

‘Go on,’ Jim said and Spock carefully brought his conscious mind to bare on the interaction before him.

‘The delegates from The Klingon Empire have requested the same cultural exchange experience that you have received and, in the interests of fairness, we are planning to honour their request,’ Amresh explained.

Spock quirked an eyebrow. 

‘I see,’ Jim replied, ‘I can understand why that makes sense from the Ashtahli perspective. We have no objections.’

Amresh nodded, ‘Very good. One implication for yourselves is that it will delay negotiations. It has been decided that the Klingon delegates should be offered a week on Tahli immediately after you leave and that I am to be their guide as well. After they have completed their cultural exchange, then we can proceed to negotiations. The Ashtahli request that negotiations begin with all parties present.’

‘We’ve been given a remit to do what is necessary in the negotiation process, Amresh,’ Jim replied, ‘I can certainly see why the Ashtahli wish to proceed in this way. I don’t think that will be a problem. In fact, I think our science department will be glad for the opportunity to study our cultural exchange in depth before we depart.’

Spock nodded, ‘Indeed, that is quite true, Captain. I can already think of several scientific papers that I am planning to write with colleagues.’

Jim smiled at Spock and Spock had to reset his physiological controls to prevent is heart from racing in his side. 

Amresh nodded, looking relieved, ‘Thank-you. I apologise again for the delay. We could have arranged for the Klingon delegates to participate in cultural exchange simultaneously had they shared their interest sooner. It was most unexpected.’

‘Oh, really?’ Jim asked.

‘This is true,’ Amresh confirmed, ‘In fact, Koloth spoke quite sincerely about slaughtering us, in varied and imaginative ways, to restore his honour.’

Jim smiled, his eyes meeting Spock’s knowingly, ‘Did he now?’ 

Spock’s eyebrow quirked as he returned Jim’s look, ‘Amresh, did he speak such words immediately after partaking of the Talesh?’

‘Yes, this is true,’ Amresh confirmed, tentacles twitching as he tried to understand the look that passed between Jim and Spock. 

‘Just what would a Klingon confess under Talesh anyway,’ Jim wondered, speaking to Spock, ‘that he once showed mercy to an enemy? That he doesn’t want to die?’

Amresh stared at Jim in shock, his facial tentacles wriggling, ‘How did you know?’

Jim burst into laughter. 

‘Captain,’ Spock whispered in disapproval. Really, it was most unlike Jim. How could he be such a brilliant diplomat and yet still experience such lapses? 

Jim continued to laugh. Eventually he managed to splutter, ‘He really confessed to not wanting to die? It is too much. Oh, no wonder he wants to slaughter you…’

‘Captain, please,’ Spock whispered.

‘Sorry, sorry,’ Jim said getting a hold of himself, ‘My apologies, Amresh. That was most undiplomatic of me. I’m being terribly human.’

Spock sighed, ‘I can confirm that humans do have a tendency to laugh at inappropriate moments, Amresh.’

Amresh shrugged, ‘The laughter does not concern me. It was your honest reaction, Jim. I was glad to share in it.’

Jim smiled, ‘And you shouldn’t tell us anything more about what Koloth said. We don’t have a right to know that.’

‘I see,’ Amresh replied, ‘Is it the privacy thing again?’

‘Yes,’ Jim replied, ‘Klingons have the concept of privacy too.’ He paused to consider this a moment, ‘Probably about as much as humans, I suppose.’

Amresh nodded, ‘Very well. You seem to understand Klingon culture better than we do.’

Jim shrugged, ‘I don’t think we can claim to understand it. It is quite different from the cultures within the Federation.’

‘It will prove interesting to compare,’ Amresh said, ‘I have already learned much about humans and Vulcans.’

‘Indeed,’ Spock replied. 

‘With our more formal matters resolved, perhaps we can turn our attention towards your progress. Have you been able to deepen your understanding of each other?’ Amresh asked. 

Jim looked across to Spock and Spock felt his pulse quicken. Jim smiled warmly, then looked back to Amresh, ‘Yes, I think we definitely have. We are a couple.’

‘You have made your declarations to each other?’ Amresh asked facial tentacles wiggling in excitement as he looked from Jim to Spock.

Jim smiled, ‘Yes we have.’

‘Indeed we have,’ Spock confirmed. 

‘Then I offer my sincere congratulations,’ Amresh replied, his voice brimming with happiness.

‘Thank-you,’ Jim replied then he paused, ‘Wait, you realised that um… that what was between us was reciprocated?’

‘Of course, Jim. I heard both of your confessions under the Talesh and we have been sharing freely, well, as freely as your concept of privacy allows, all this time,’ Amresh replied.

‘Huh. I didn’t know what t’hy’la meant,’ Jim said.

‘Neither did I, not exactly as the word was not translated. However, the general meaning was apparent in Spock’s conduct,’ Amresh answered.

Spock flushed a light shade of green, ‘I had not realised that I was so transparent.’

Amresh titled his head to the side, ‘Is that a bad thing? To act in accordance with your own heart?’

Spock’s eyebrows knitted together slightly, ‘I suppose not.’ He paused for 1.2 seconds, processing the conversation and drawing his conclusions, ‘Jim, did you speak of me under the effects of the Talesh?’

‘Yes,’ Jim answered blushing, ‘I blurted out that I was in love with you…that was my whole confession, actually.’

‘That was your whole confession?’ Spock repeated, shocked.

Jim nodded again, blushing in a most delicious manner. 

Spock turned to Amresh and said, ‘Amresh, this past week must have been a confusing experience for you. Quite unprecedented within the Ashtahli culture. I thank you for allowing us to declare ourselves to each other in our own time.’

Amresh nodded, smiling, ‘This is true. It has been a most interesting experience.’

Jim laughed, ‘I bet.’

‘I should also ask,’ Amresh continued, ‘in my role as your mentor, have you successfully consummated your relationship?’

Spock could feel the blush rushing across his cheeks. He closed his eyes in order to completely focus on resetting his controls. Eyes closed, he heard Jim answer, ‘Yes, we have,’ — oh, please Jim, no details — but Jim continued with ‘and that’s all I’ll be sharing on that topic. Vulcan privacy, you understand.’

Spock sighed in relief and opened his eyes. 

‘Of course,’ Amresh answered, ‘If you do have any questions, however…’

‘Oh, no,’ Jim interrupted, winking at Spock, ‘I’m sure we’ve got it covered, thanks.’

‘I see,’ Amresh said, ‘Well, if I may offer some general advice then before I depart: it is quite natural to spend all day quenching your thirst for each other at this early stage of your relationship. Quite natural. Just remember to talk as well. Open and honest communication is the foundation of your relationship.’

Spock once again had to stop a blush from overtaking his cheeks. 

‘I shall call on you again tomorrow,’ Amresh said as he rose to depart, ‘And I think we should visit Jayren’s clutch. What do you think?’

‘Great idea,’ Jim beamed enthusiastically.

‘It would prove most fascinating,’ Spock agreed.

Amresh nodded, ‘This is true. Visits between clutches are not usual. However, I think it would promote cultural exchange for you to visit an Ashtahli clutch. Jayren will be most delighted to know that you have made your declarations to each other.’

And with that Amresh said his goodbyes and departed. The moment the door closed, Jim fixed his gaze on Spock. Jim smiled, his whole face lighting up as he sauntered towards Spock, ‘Well, now, Spock, you heard our mentor, it is quite natural for us to spend all day quenching our thirst for each other.’

Spock’s pulse was already racing but he defiantly quirked an eyebrow just the same, ‘I believe he also advised that we should spend ample time in conversation.’

‘We can do both,’ Jim countered, arms spread outwards.

‘You are quite persuasive, t’hy’la,’ Spock answered, ‘However, first we should inform Scotty of the latest schedule for the negotiations.’

Jim sighed, ‘Damn. You’re right.’

Jim opened his communicator and made the call.

‘Captain!’ Scotty’s voice came over the communicator, ‘I dinnae expect an update til tonight. Everything alright?’

‘Everything’s just fine, Scotty,’ Jim answered ‘we just wanted to update you on our new schedule straight away. The Klingons have requested a cultural exchange for their own delegates and the Ashtahli have agreed. The Klingons are to begin their week on Tahli immediately after ours finishes. We’ll proceed to negotiations after the Klingons have completed their cultural exchange.’

‘Aye, and what’ll we be doing in the meantime, Captain?’ Scotty asked.

‘The science department will welcome the opportunity to examine the details of everything that Spock and I will have learnt about the Ashtahli. That’ll be our focus while we wait,’ Jim replied.

‘Aye, the better the Ashtahli get to know the Klingons, the more smoothly our negotiations will go. It’ll be time well spent,’ Scotty said.

‘You may have a good point there,’ Jim answered, frowning slightly in thought.

‘Any other news to report, Captain?’ Scotty’s voice once again rang out through the communicator.

Jim’s eyes flicked to Spock, a question written across his face, but instead of voicing it, Jim replied to Scotty, ‘Not at this time, Scotty.’

‘Alright, Captain.’

‘Kirk out.’

Jim threw his communicator onto one of the seating cushions and gave voice to his question, ‘Spock, do you want to tell them, about us I mean?’

Spock quirked an eyebrow, ‘Affirmative. We are engaged in a committed relationship with a view to marriage. Given the close proximity of life aboard the Enterprise, our new relationship status is cannot escape unnoticed. It would be illogical, therefore, to attempt to hide it. Further, according to regulation 109 we are obligated to inform Starfleet Command within 90 days.’  
Jim sighed, ‘Good.’

‘You thought I would wish to hide it?’ Spock asked.

Jim sighed, ‘I don’t know what I thought. I’m just glad we will be telling everyone. We can tell them when we beam back to the Enterprise.’

‘Agreed,’ Spock answered.

‘I should tell Bones first though,’ Jim said thoughtfully.

‘Indeed. I believe it would be appropriate for me to inform Nyota before we make an official announcement to the senior crew,’ Spock answered. 

‘Alright. Done.’ Jim smiled warmly and Spock’s heart skipped a beat at the mischief glinting in his eyes, ‘Now where were we? Ah, yes, the perfectly normal quenching our thirst for each other…all part of the cultural exchange of course… ’

‘Precisely, Captain,’ Spock replied, eyebrow quirked.

‘Captain, is it?’ Jim chuckled, catching the humour in Spock’s reply. He sauntered towards Spock, reminding Spock of a predator stalking his prey, his eyes glinting with the sure knowledge of the effect that he was having. Spock felt his breathing hitch at the sight and his heart begin to race but he was determined to maintain control. 

‘Well, now, Commander,’ Jim whispered seductively, pausing for a moment to gently lick up Spock’s ear, ‘I order you to submit your body to me. I intend to spend the next hour exploring it thoroughly …in order to progress our cultural exchange, of course….’

Spock stifled a groan and answered, ‘negative.’

‘Negative?’ Jim said warmly and with a hint of surprise.

‘Negative,’ Spock repeated, scooping Jim up into his arms in one sudden moment.

Jim laughed in shock, ‘Spock!’

‘I have barely explored your body at all. I believe, Jim, it is your turn to submit to me,’ Spock said as he easily carried Jim towards the bed. 

‘You’re carrying me like it is nothing, Spock,’ Jim whispered as they approached the bed.

‘Vulcans are three times stronger than humans, as you are well aware,’ Spock replied, tossing Jim onto the bed.

‘Yeah, but I didn’t know it’d be such a turn on,’ Jim groaned.

Spock quirked an eyebrow in amusement, a slight smile playing about his lips. He lost no time in stripping Jim of his clothes, leaving his own uniform on. Jim was lying on the bed, submitting to Spock as instructed. Clothing removed, Spock paused for a moment, enjoying the sight. 

Then, beginning with Jim’s left foot, he slowly, carefully explored Jim’s body with his fingers and tongue, carefully studying and cataloguing the results. Left leg complete, he turned his attentions to the right leg, again beginning with the foot. From there he moved to hands, arms, neck, shoulders and chest. Spock was slow, careful and methodical in his exploration. There were many delightful discoveries to be made. Jim’s inner thighs were exquisitely sensitive and Jim groaned wantonly when they were licked. Although Jim’s hands did not have the sensitivity of a Vulcan he still derived visible pleasure from having his fingers sucked. Further, Spock discovered that he could reliably produce whimpering noises from Jim with kisses to his neck. Spock found the whimpering so delightful that he found himself kissing the area in a highly passionate manner. Jim’s skin was left with multiple visible marks. 

‘Oh, God, Spock...’ Jim moaned, ‘Please, please, Spock…’

Spock kissed Jim hard upon the mouth. ‘Very well, t’hy’la,’ he whispered, taking Jim in hand. Jim groaned loudly and his hand quickly joined Spock’s showing him how he like to be stroked. Once Spock found right technique and rhythm Jim took his hand away and moaned, ‘so good, Spock…’

Spock delighted in the sight and in the exquisite sensations of taking Jim in hand. Jim thrust into Spock’s fist, causing Spock himself to whimper at the pleasure rippling through his sensitive fingers. 

‘Oh, Spock, I can’t last…’ Jim groaned as he thrust. 

‘Then orgasm, t’hy’la…’ Spock whispered and Jim’s pleasure peaked. Spock carefully committed every detail of the moment to memory: Jim’s groan, Jim’s flushed face, his hands clutching at the sheets, his sticky ejaculatory fluid gushing onto Spock’s own fingers. Spock gently touched the vestigial bond and felt the ripples of Jim’s pleasure through his own mind. Spock shivered. He was himself painfully hard, his erection tenting in his pants.

Jim panted under him, ‘Fuck, Spock. That was incredible,’ Jim looked up at Spock and laughed, ‘shit you didn’t even take your uniform off.’ 

‘Here,’ Jim said as he used his discarded uniform shirt to wipe his ejaculatory fluid off Spock’s fingers.

‘Jim,’ Spock started objecting but Jim interrupted, ‘Hush now, commander, there’s a situation of some urgency and I’m going to deal with it.’

Jim tossed his uniform shirt aside and pushed Spock down, so that he was now the one lying on the bed. He roughly unbuckled Spock’s pants and pulled them down freeing Spock’s painfully neglected erection. Spock whimpered and Jim immediately took Spock in hand. It didn’t take long for Spock to reach his own climax. As he did so he instinctively reached for mind to mind contact. Spock could see his own pleasure reverberate through the bond and reflect back to him on Jim’s face. 

Again Jim used his uniform shirt to clean them up. 

‘Jim, that is not an appropriate function for a Starfleet uniform,’ Spock chided.

‘Maybe not. But next time we are on the bridge and you see my command gold you’ll think of this moment,’ Jim replied a twinkle in his eye, ‘maybe you’ll even blush.’

Spock raised an eyebrow, ‘As a Vulcan I am adept at controlling both my cognitive and physiological reactions as you well know.’

Jim laughed. ‘Well this’ll be a nice test then, won’t it?’

‘Most illogical,’ Spock countered as Jim cuddled up to him.

‘I can’t believe we get to do this for the rest of the day,’ Jim said, ‘and on Starfleet time too.’

‘It is most fortunate,’ Spock replied as he carefully planned out the rest of the day in his head. He did not want to waste a moment.


	14. Chapter 14

Spock slept in again. He woke to find Jim curled around him and Jim’s head resting on his chest. This time Spock had slept 25.6 minutes longer than usual and 18.7 minutes in excess of his physiological requirements. Incredible. It was as if he, at a deep physiological level, did not want to give up the close physical proximity to Jim and, as a result, his body simply refused to wake up. Perhaps the desire for physical contact was itself a physiological need. 

Spock gently stroked Jim’s hair as he considered this. He was aware of research demonstrating that physical contact was necessary for health and wellbeing in humans, particularly during infancy. In Vulcans physical contact, while it may be associated with certain pleasurable sensations, is not considered necessary. Only telepathic contact is a need. Perhaps, Spock reasoned, both physical and telepathic contact is necessary for him. 

Unfortunately, meditation was certainly a necessity for Spock. It was unfortunate at this moment because Spock’s need for meditation meant that he had to immediately escape from his t’hy’la’s arms. Spock felt is his body reel in objection to this plan. But he needed to meditate and doing so while Jim slept would maximise their waking time together. It was logical. Kaiidth. He carefully shifted Jim’s head back onto the pillow and slowly slipped out of his arms, placing another pillow where his own body had been. Jim whimpered slightly in his sleep but resettled, cuddling up against the pillow.

Spock performed his ablutions and put on a light meditation robe, meditating as the Tahli sun slowly rose in the sky, spreading its orange light. Spock meditated for precisely 3 hours. That was all he needed today. Jim was still sleeping when Spock finished his meditation, so Spock changed into his uniform and began to prepare their breakfast. Just as Spock was placing the fruit out on the table, Jim stirred.

‘Morning,’ Jim yawned.

‘Good morning, t’hy’la’ Spock replied.

Jim stretched and got out of the bed, heading for the toilet behind the screen. Spock sat on one of the seating cushions while Jim performed his morning ablutions and dressed into his own uniform. As Spock watched Jim put on a fresh gold shirt he remembered the purpose to which yesterday’s shirt had been put and he had a clamp down on his physiological controls to stop a green blush from spreading across his cheeks. He could not have been fully successful, however, because when Jim caught his eye he smiled knowingly and winked.

Spock cleared his throat, ‘Breakfast?’

They ate together and soon after finishing Amresh arrived.

'Greetings Jim and Spock. Did you sleep well?'

'We did. Thank you, Amresh,' Spock replied. 

'Very good,' Amresh answered his facial tentacles wiggling, 'I can see that you have already breakfasted. Let’s meet with Jayren and her clutch.’ 

Amresh lead Jim and Spock down the hallway to another room within the same section of the Hall of Womanhood. As soon as they approached the door it was immediately opened by Jayren.

'Parent!' Jayren exclaimed, flinging the door open and throwing her arms around Amresh. Amresh embraced her and they both leant forward into the hug their facial tentacles touching. 

'It is good to see you, child of my clutch,' Amresh said fondly. 

'It is so good to see you, parent. I have so much to tell you. My clutch sister-mates are wonderful. I am learning to love each of them as surely as I love Talay,' Jayren bubbled excitedly. 

'Ground yourselves in truth and love will surely blossom, child of my clutch,’ Amresh answered warmly, ‘It is a precious time in the life of your clutch. I am delighted to see you so happy.' 

Jayren grinned widely, ‘This is true, parent.’

She turned to Jim and Spock, her facial tentacles wiggling, 'Oh, and I don’t mean to neglect my favourite aliens. It is so good to see you again.’

Spock nodded, 'It is satisfying to know that you are so well settled in your new life, Jayren.'

‘Thank you, Spock, I’ve found such happiness,' Jayden replied, smiling.

Jim beamed, ‘I'll say. You are positively glowing, Jayren.'

‘Oh, that’s all the sex we’ve been having!’ Jayren exclaimed, ‘Sex is fantastic. It is so much better than just masturbating. I didn’t realise it would be this good! We can’t keep our hands off each other!’

Spock looked away as he felt his cheeks heat with a green blush. As he clamped down hard on his physiological controls, he heard Jim stifle a giggle.

‘That is quite normal, Jayren,’ Amresh explained, ‘It is a perfectly natural part of the early bonding process.’

‘Oh, yes, Sharem, our mentor said the same thing,’ Jayren replied. She laughed.

‘We are clogging up the hallway,’ Jayren said, welcoming them inside, ‘Come on in. Meet my clutch sister-mates.’

Spock noticed that the room was exactly the same as their own. Jayren waved them to the seating cushions in the centre. As they walked in, Jayren's clutch sister-mates crowded around, smiling. They sat down themselves, some of them sitting on the floor because there wasn’t enough seating cushions for everyone. 

'Let me introduce you to my clutch!’ Jayren said enthusiastically, ‘my beloved clutch sister-mates: Talay, Alryn, Kalesh, Kashun, Ashut and Jalarun.’

Jim smiled warmly and Spock held up the ta-al in greetings. 

‘My clutch this is my parent Amresh and this is Jim and Spock,’ Jayren continued, ‘Jim is from the planet Earth and Spock is from the planet Vulcan.'

'Is it true that you were born male?' Talay asked with wide eyed curiosity.

'Yes,' Jim nodded 'we both were.'

‘And you’ll remain male your whole life?’ Kashun added.

‘That’s right,’ Jim smiled.

‘Can you imagine male babies?’ Alryn said to her clutch sister-mates in wonderment.

‘They must have tiny little penises!’ Ashut exclaimed in shock. 

Once again Spock noticed that Jim was stifling laughter. 

'Male babies. That’s so weird,' Jalarun said, staring at Jim and shaking her head. 

'Indeed,' Spock replied, clearing his throat, 'male babies are weird from the viewpoint of the Ashtahli. However, consider this: weird is a relative term. While sequential hermaphroditism *ding* is not unheard of within the Federation, Tahli is the only planet known to us where sequential hermaphroditism *ding* is the norm and the only planet that contains a civilisation of sequential hermaphrodites *ding*, namely the Ashtahli.'

A shocked silence followed Spock’s explanation. Eventually Jayren spoke up, carefully wrapping her voice around the new words, 'What’s sequential hermaphroditism?'

‘It is when a species exhibits both male and female sex characteristics over the course of its life, experiencing both states sequentially rather than simultaneously,' Spock explained.

‘Oh,’ Jayren nodded, ‘Like us…’

‘Precisely,’ Spock replied, eyebrow quirked. 

‘We don’t even have a word for it,’ Jayren answered thoughtfully, ‘Weird really is a relative term.’

‘This is true,’ Amresh said, his facial tentacles wiggling, ‘Thank-you, Spock, for expanding our understanding of the diversity of life within the universe.’

Spock nodded in acknowledgement and Jim smiled at him proudly, fondness dancing in his eyes. 

Amresh saw Jim’s look and smiled, 'Jim and Spock have some news, Jayren. They have declared themselves to each other.'

Jayren looked as if she would burst with excitement, 'You are clutch sister-mates!'

'We are,' Jim replied, running his hand through his hair as he looked back to Jayren. 

'But then, the person you care for, the person you were terrified would reject you, it was Spock?' Jayren asked. 

'It was. It is. Well, except he hasn’t rejected me after all,' Jim replied, his gaze flicking to Spock's. Spock’s own gaze met Jim’s blue eyes and he felt overwhelmed by the love he found there. Spock’s heart skipped a beat. He had to carefully recalibrate his controls. Spock had never expected to be so loved. 

'Oh!' Jayren laughed, 'Yes I can see. And look how Spock loves you, too!’

Spock flinched and blushed a light shade of green at having his emotional state so easily recognised. But there could be no shame in a t'hy'la bond.

‘Indeed,’ Spock said, ‘Jim is my t’hy’la. It is a bond precious to Vulcans.’

‘But you are only two. Can you form a clutch of two?’ asked Alryn curiously.

'Yes, we would say that we are a couple,’ Spock explained, ‘more complex relational arrangements do exist, however, pair-bonds are common.'

'Sex must be so strange with only two,’ Ashut pondered out loud.

Jim laughed warmly. Spock once again had to clamp down on his physiological controls. 

'Humans and Vulcans have a concept called privacy,’ Amresh explained, pronouncing the foreign word carefully, 'It means that certain truths are only spoken of to the people for whom that truth has implications. Yet this is not considered a lie. Jim and Spock are unlikely to discuss their sex life with you because it has no bearing on your life.'

'How peculiar,' Kalesh said, ‘that would be so strange, to keep a truth to yourself.’

'It is most different,’ Amresh said, his facial tentacles wiggling, ‘The Ashtahli have much to learn about the diversity of life that exists within our universe. We have many new truths to learn and accept.’

‘This is true,’ Jayren said nodding.

‘This is true,’ her clutch sister-mates repeated.

‘Also,’ Amresh continued, ‘Sex between two will not seem so very strange when you are older. There will come a time when not all of your clutch sister-mates will participate in every act of sexual intimacy. Consider, at times some of you will be busy, or travelling or simply not in the mood.'

The young women returned a simultaneous look of horror at this prediction. 

Amresh laughed, shaking his head, 'Oh, to be a young girl again...'

Everyone joined Amresh in the laughter. 

‘It has been good to visit with you and your clutch, Jayren,’ Amresh said, ‘but we should leave you now. 

Amresh, Jim and Spock said their goodbyes and Amresh guided them into the garden-filled atrium for a walk, ‘Was the visit with Jayren’s clutch enlightening?’

‘Indeed,’ Spock replied, ‘it was most illuminating.’

‘Yes,’ Jim agreed, ‘Thank-you for arranging it. I think we have a much better understanding of Ashtahli family life now.’

‘Good,’ Amresh replied, nodding, ‘We understand each other more with every day.’  
‘Indeed, we do,’ Spock agreed, his eyebrow quirked.

‘I find the ways of humans and Vulcans to be more compatible with the Ashtahli way of life than they first appeared,’ Amresh said, ‘Thank-you for the truths you have shown me.’

‘Thank-you for the truths you have shown us,’ Jim replied, smiling is sunshine smile. 

Amresh nodded.

‘I like Jayren,’ Jim continued, ‘I’m glad she is so happy.’

‘She is a delightful young woman,’ Amresh said, ‘her clutch is sure to flourish. Jim, Spock, I will leave you now. Enjoy your remaining time here, focussed on each other. It is a precious time.’

Amresh said his goodbyes and left. 

Jim and Spock decided to continue their stroll through the gardens. Once again Spock noticed that Jim seemed to come to life in the outdoors. Jim paused to smell a flower and Spock looked on with amusement and adoration. As Jim returned to their walk, he reached out for Spock’s hand and Spock immediately gave it. They walked, hand in hand, Jim’s thumb unconsciously stroking Spock’s skin. The gesture, performed in such a public setting would be considered indecent in Vulcan. But they were not on Vulcan. They were on Tahli. Spock allowed himself to simply enjoy it.


	15. Chapter 15

Jim blinked, his eyes still heavy with sleep, and yawned. He was no longer wrapped around Spock as he had been for most of the night. Instead, he was wrapped around a pillow. When had that happened? He had to give it to Spock. He had exiting the bed, including transferring Jim’s affections to a pillow, down to a fine art. Jim looked across the room to where he knew his Vulcan would be and sure enough: there he was. 

Spock was sitting on a seating cushion in the middle of the room, wearing his light meditation robe, his eyes hooded in deep meditation. Jim smiled. He took the opportunity to slowly run his gaze over every inch of Spock's body. He could hardly believe that this incredible being, brilliant and unique in the universe had actually chosen to be with him. After a childhood of never measuring up, to suddenly be exactly what Spock wanted. It was a wonder. And they’d been so lucky to have this precious time together. This mission had given them a remarkable gift. But now, today, they were leaving this incredible week on Tahli behind and returning to the Enterprise. And that meant sharing their new relationship with their friends. Jim felt his stomach twist with nervous tension. The crew was like family to Jim. He hoped to win their approval for their new relationship.

Spock stirred from his meditation and looked to Jim, 'Good morning, t’hy’la.'

'Morning,' Jim smiled lazily, 'Spock, we still have nearly two hours before Amresh comes to say goodbye huh?' 

'We have 1 hour, 51 minutes and 6 seconds precisely,' Spock answered, getting up from his meditation posture and stretching. 

'Perfect,' Jim smiled, climbing off the bed. Jim allowed the sheet to slowly drop, revealing to Spock’s eyes that he was still naked from the activities of the previous night. Spock stilled and Jim began to slowly stalk towards him, openly displaying his body in a manner he hoped would capture Spock’s imagination.

Spock quirked an eyebrow knowingly, 'Perfect because we have plenty of time for breakfast?'

Jim, caught off guard, paused for a moment in his seduction and laughed, 'Who ever said that Vulcans don't have a sense of humour?' 

‘In my experience, Vulcans themselves are responsible for such claims at least 77.9% of the time,’ Spock replied, his mouth slipping into a slight smile at their banter.

‘Vulcans have got almost everyone in the universe fooled. But a certain Vulcan doesn’t fool me at all,’ Jim whispered as he continued stalking towards Spock, swaying his hips to capture Spock’s attention and noticing with a satisfied smirk that Spock’s gaze did indeed drift over his body, ‘you know exactly what I want, Spock. And you want it to.’

‘I do not know to what you are referring, Captain,’ Spock replied, determinedly continuing the game even though his voice lowered with desire and his breath hitched slightly as he voiced the word captain. 

So it is going to be like that is it? Well, Jim thought, Vulcan control or not, I’m going to win this. 

Jim reached Spock and he stood silently for a while, just staring into Spock’s dark eyes. Then he slowly, slowly leaned forward, his naked body brushing against Spock’s as he brought his mouth close to Spock’s ear. 

‘Yes, you do,’ Jim whispered, his hot breath tickling Spock’s ear, ‘and you want it to, Spock.’

Spock’s breathing hitched. Jim smiled and transferred his attention to Spock’s mouth. He brushed his lips against Spock’s so gently, so softly, just barely touching. The spike of desire coursing through Jim was painful in its intensity but Jim forced himself to hold still, just on the precipice, waiting for Spock to act. Slowly, gently he continued to brush against Spock’s lips, their breath mingling. Spock whimpered and grabbed onto Jim with both hands, deepening the kiss, groaning as he pushed his tongue into Jim's mouth. Jim moaned in response, victorious and kissed Spock hard. They clutched onto each other, kissing each other breathless. 

When they pulled away, gasping, Jim steered Spock over to the bed. He tugged Spock's robe slowly, slipping down one shoulder, then the next, the cloth whispering against the Vulcan’s skin as it slipped down his body and pooled at his feet. Next Jim bent down and slipped off Spock’s boxers in one smooth move. Spock obediently shifted his legs, compliant his undressing. They stood before each other, perfectly nude. Jim was gratified to find that Spock, like himself, was already half-hard. 

Jim swallowed hard. He was overcome with the image of kneeling down before his lover and taking that half-hard cock into his mouth, licking and sucking it to full glory. But Jim had a plan. So he resisted the temptation. 

Instead, he again leaned close, his mouth brushing against Spock’s ear, ‘lie down on your front.’

For a moment Spock’s eyebrows knitted in thought obviously calculating the probabilities. But he nodded and obeyed, lying on the bed, completely trusting in his t’hy’la. Jim relished in Spock’s trust.

Jim sat beside Spock on the bed and began to slowly and gently trace his fingers over Spock's body, starting with Spock's shoulders and flowing down over his buttocks, thighs and calves down to his ankles. 

Spock made a soft groaning noise into the pillow.

'Feel good?' Jim asked.

'Affirmative,' Spock answered in a whisper.

Jim continued his gentle ministrations, enjoying discovering by touch every detail of Spock's body. 

He began to pause in different areas, starting with the upper back. First his fingers gently traced patterns on Spock’s skin and then he massaged into the muscle. Spock's muscles, Vulcan muscles felt different, denser than a human's would be. Jim couldn't massage as deeply as he could if he were massaging a human, but he did the best he could manage. 

Jim progressed to the lower back and finding some tension there he massaged it away, kneading Spock as deeply as he could. Spock sighed in relaxation and Jim smiled. From there be moved to Spock's buttocks caressing them gently and then kneading them. Spock moaned softly and Jim felt his own breath quicken in response to touching Spock so intimately. Jim’s own erection had returned in earnest. 

Jim's hands began to caress Spock's inner thighs and to trail down his legs, first gently and then massaging into the dense muscle. After his hands had worked their way down Spock's thighs and calves, Jim bent down and licked from Spock's ankle back up to his inner thigh. He heard a sharp intake of breath from Spock as he did so. Jim sucked on the flesh of Spock's thighs and was thrilled to hear Spock whimper in response. Jim licked his way closer until he was gently lapping at Spock's perineum.

Spock clutched the sheets and groaned loudly. 

‘Turn over,’ Jim ordered. 

Spock obediently turned into his back, revealing his penis, flushed green and now fully hard. It was tempting, oh so tempting to take Spock’s erection in hand, but Jim forced himself to wait. 

Instead, Jim slowly ran his hands from Spock's ankles up to his neck, teasing the skin with gentle circling touches, slowly running his hands over Spock’s legs, circling teasingly close to his erection, and continuing on over Spock’s stomach and chest, pausing to lightly tease his nipples, and then circling down Spock’s arms and over his hands. Spock’s breathing was fast and heavy and he whimpered as Jim circled close to his erection and teased his nipples and hands. 

Jim followed this up by making the same journey again with his tongue and lips. Spock whimpered loudly, again clutching at the sheets, as Jim’s tongue licked small delicate circles on Spock’s inner thighs. Jim moved up Spock’s body with long, strong licks, taking first one nipple and then the other in his mouth and gently caressing it with his tongue. More long, strong licks over the flushed green skin, up to Spock’s neck and down his left arm. Jim paused for a moment, holding Spock’s left hand in his, holding it up to his mouth. Spock’s eyes met Jim’s, his dark eyes burning with need. 

Slowly, gently, Jim licked his way across Spock’s wrist and onto his palm. Jim’s tongue made a slow, circling motion on Spock’s palm and Spock groaned loudly. Jim took each finger in his mouth in turn, starting with Spock’s index finger, gently sucking. 

‘Jim! Please…’ Spock cried out, ‘Please…’

Jim took in the full results of his ministrations. Spock’s body was flushed green, his hair usually so perfect was dishevelled and his face was the perfect picture of wanton lust. God, he was perfect. 

Jim's own cock was painfully hard, heavy with need. Jim decided that it was time to take Spock’s erection in his mouth, and moved to do so but before he could Spock had flipped him onto the bed and began licking his way down Jim's body, sucking and gently biting at pieces of flesh. 

Jim heard himself groan and beg. After exploring Spock's body so fully Jim did not have any self-control left and so their positions were instantly reversed.

'Please, Spock…’ he begged, ‘Please…’

Spock took Jim's cock in hand causing Jim to shudder in delight. But the expected strokes did not happen. Jim whimpered with need and bucked into Spock’s fist. 

Jim felt the fingertips of Spock’s other hand pushing at his mouth, trying to find entrance. Jim opened his mouth to let them in, curling his tongue around them.

'Suck,' Spock whispered hoarsely and Jim obeyed. 

The moment he did he felt Spock's mouth wrap around his cock. Oh, yes! The harder Jim sucked the harder Spock sucked. Jim gently flicked the tips of Spock’s fingers with his tongue and he felt Spock to the same to his cock. Jim moaned around the fingers in his mouth and sucked as fully and deeply as he could. Spock reciprocated, taking Jim fully into his mouth and sucking hard. Oh! So good…

Jim could feel Spock's excitement lapping at his own mind. Even though Jim was only sucking his fingers, Spock was close. 

And with that thought, Jim himself was over the edge — moaning and gasping around Spock’s fingers —he came hard into Spock's mouth. Spock swallowed Jim’s come hungrily, licking the last of it from the tip of Jim’s cock, and finally letting Jim’s penis fall, soft and spent, from his mouth. Jim gasped and groaned, sighing his release. 

Jim began to suck on Spock’s fingers with renewed focus. A rhythmic movement told Jim that Spock had taken himself in hand. It soon quickened in pace. Jim looked up to watch Spock jerking off over his body as Jim sucked hard on his fingers. It was a delicious sight — Spock, utterly wanton and over the edge, flushed green, stroking himself hard and fast, gasping with pleasure — and Jim committed it to memory. Soon Spock’s climax washed over them both as Spock came over Jim's stomach and thighs. 

Spock collapsed on the bed next to Jim, panting.

‘See? You can’t fool me, Spock,’ Jim smiled, ‘You wanted that.’ 

Spock, still recovering, made a nonverbal noise that sounded like 'Nma..'

Jim laughed. 

'Jim,' Spock said, suddenly much more himself, 'we have 41 minutes and 38 seconds until Amresh arrives.'

'Alright. Into the shower then. No time to lay about enjoying the afterglow,' Jim said.

'Precisely,' Spock replied.

They showered together but quickly, too focussed on getting ready in time for further pleasure. Then they packed their bags and sat down to breakfast. They were still eating their fruit when Amresh arrived.

'Greetings' Amresh said as Spock let him in, ‘I see that you are still eating your breakfast. Please, take your time.'

'It’s okay we are just finishing up,' Jim said, running a hand through his hair. 

'Quite understandable,' Amresh said, facial tentacles wiggling in a knowing way.

Jim and Spock quickly tidied up and they joined Amresh in the seating cushions.

'Jim' Amresh began, looking intently at Jim, 'Spock,’ he shifted his gaze to meet Spock’s, ‘I find, after reflection, that I have no further questions for you. Do you have any further questions for me?'

'No we don't' Jim answered for them both, ‘That is, we have no immediate questions. As our science team examines our experiences it is likely that they will want to collect further data on the Ashtahli way of life.’

Amresh nodded, ‘Of course. As you know, it is the Ashtahli way to share truths openly. We would be glad to continue the cultural exchange in that manner.’

‘I’m glad,’ Jim smiled, ‘Our science department will be glad too.’

‘Indeed,’ Spock added, eyebrow quirked, ‘They will be most fascinated.’

‘Then all that remains is for me to thank you,’ Amresh said, ‘I thank you as myself, Amresh, because I have learned more from you in the past week than I have since I was a young girl. The universe is a much bigger place than I ever imagined. And I thank you on behalf of the Ashtahli people. You have been most patient with us. I understand now that we are as young girls, trying to find where we belong in the universe. Naïve and excited. You have been most patient mentors to us.'

'Indeed we owe you a debt of gratitude Amresh,’ Spock said, ‘You have brought us together. You have given me my t'hy'la.'

Jim felt his eyes well with tears at Spock’s words, 'I agree. I've never gotten so much personally out of a mission and I never will again. You have been a miracle to us, Amresh.' 

'I am so very happy for you both,’ Amresh said, ‘But Spock, you are mistaken. He was always yours. We simply helped you to find the truth of what you belong.' 

Spock nodded and quirk his eyebrow, 'this is true.'

Amresh beamed and repeated, 'this is true. I will be seeing you at the negotiations in a week's time. Are you ready to depart?' 

Jim flipped out his communicator, 'Scotty, you ready to go?'

'Aye captain, waiting on your order,' Scotty’s voice came through the communicator.

Jim nodded to Amresh.

Amresh embraced Jim who hugged him eagerly back. He then embraced Spock who hugged him back a little stiffly. 

When the hug ended Spock raised the ta’al, ‘Live long and prosper'

'See you soon, Amresh,’ Jim added, his face lighting up with a smile.

'See you soon, my friends' Amresh answered, his facial tentacles wiggling with emotion.

'Alright, Scotty,’ Jim said into his communicator. 

And with that Jim and Spock once again found themselves on the Enterprise. 

They materialised in the transporter room to find Scotty there waiting for them, 'Welcome back Captain, Commander'

'Thanks for taking care of her for me, Scotty,' Jim smiled as they stepped off the transporter pad.

'I always take care of her, Captain' Scotty responded, ‘Only my job and all.’

'Of course you do, Scotty,' Jim chuckled.

'Captain, I believe I should proceed directly to the science department to brief them on our experiences and begin preparing any relevant studies to be undertaken,' Spock said.

'Certainly, Mr Spock,’ Jim answered, ‘I'll be catching up with Bones directly after the shift but after that I'll be in my quarters if you need me.'

Spock nodded stiffly, clearly trying not to think about exactly what he might need from Jim. Then he left for the labs and Jim was alone with Scotty.

'Well Scotty, let's go to the bridge and you can get me up to speed.'

‘Aye, Captain.’

The briefing began as they walked towards the bridge. Jim was soon up to date on the workings of his ship. And, by the end of the shift, he had made a reasonable dent in the outstanding paperwork too. All through the shift he found himself glancing repeatedly at Spock's station. 

How could he miss him so much already? He longed to see Spock again.

But he had a commitment to see Bones directly after the shift and he would keep to that commitment. So, after the shift, Jim walked to the ship’s bar where he met Bones as he had done so many times before. They sipped Scotch and talked about the week.

Jim told Bones about writing his worst thoughts all over his body. Bones was shocked, ‘Well, my first reaction is that’s a damned fool of an idea and you’d never get me doing it. But, Jim, how did you find it?’

‘It helped,’ Jim smiled, ‘It really helped. It all feels… lighter somehow.’

‘I thought you’d say that,’ Bones smiled, ‘Damned crazy, but basically psychologically sound.’

‘So, um,’ Jim began, ‘speaking of crazy ideas, I have some other news that you may at first find shocking, but is also basically um… sound.’

‘Oh?’ 

'Yeah,’ Jim ran his hand through his hair.

'Well out with it,' Bones said.

'Spock and I um… we are a couple. We're in love.' Jim said, looking at his drink.

'Good for you,’ Bones smiled, ‘pluck up the courage to tell him did you?' 

'Tell him?’ Jim asked flabbergasted, ‘you…you…you knew? How did you know?'

'How did I know?’ Bones snorted, ‘You told me. Right here in fact, sitting in that very chair' 

‘When?’ Jim demanded, outraged.

‘Four, maybe five months ago,’ Bones answered, ‘It was during the outbreak of Andorian flu.’

‘No!’ Jim answered, shaking his head, ‘No! I just realised it myself. I confessed it under the Talesh. I didn’t acknowledge it to myself until that moment.’

Bones laughed, ‘That was your great confession? That you are in love with Spock?’

‘Um... Yeah...’Jim said blushing.

‘You really don't remember telling me?’ Bones asked.

‘No,’ Jim shook his head, ‘I really don’t.’

‘Well,’ Bones pondered this, ‘Now I think on it, you were drunk. You were sitting right there and you said,’ Bones attempted a rather unflattering impersonation of a drunk Jim, ‘Oh, Bones, Spock and I are so in synch. We just automatically understand each other. It is like we belong together. He completes me. It is like he is a part of me. Do you know what I mean, Bones? Do you know what I mean?'

Bones laughed, returning to his own voice, 'Well, I knew exactly what you meant. Evidently, you didn't.' 

‘Oh,’ Jim sat stunned, ‘I um…I do remember that conversation.’

Bones laughed again, shaking his head, 'you idiot. Well for the record I told you he felt the same way.'

‘Yeah,’ Jim said his hand running through his hair, ‘I guess you did. I just didn't know that that was what we were talking about.’ 

‘Damn fool, and they gave you a starship…’ Bones chuckled shaking his head, ‘Well I hope you and the Hobgoblin have many happy years together.’ 

Jim went back to his quarters shaken. How could he have been in love with Spock for so long without knowing it? Had he been that afraid of rejection? What if they hadn’t come to Tahli? Would he have lived out his whole life in obliviousness? 

A warm shower helped to relax him. He curled up in bed with his PADD and tried to concentrate on the remaining paperwork. He figured that he may as well be productive while waiting for Spock. But he soon found himself drifting off to sleep.


	16. Chapter 16

Spock began by ensuring that all relevant data files — the Captain’s and his own official logs as well as the universal translator’s records —were ready and available to the scientific team for analysis. The addition of a recording function to the universal translator had proven a highly effective means of collecting relevant linguistic and cultural phenomena for further study. Each and every untranslatable word was carefully recorded in the databanks. It would provide a useful starting point for the linguistic and cultural analysis teams. Nyota would be delighted that her idea had yielded such results. 

As members of the scientific team began to review the official logs, Spock carefully added to his own any further recollections that he considered may be important. He spent 4.7 hours ensuring that he had carefully recorded additional details that, while unnecessary for the purposes of official Starfleet records, may be of use or interest to the scientific teams. There were times, and this was, indeed, one of them, when having an eidetic memory was highly beneficial. 

With his memories faithfully recorded, Spock paused in thought, sitting still, his palms together and eyes closed in focus. Several potential topics of study were immediately apparent: the unique linguistic phenomena, the cultural importance of truth, the biology of Ashtahli hermaphroditism, the cultural meaning of sex, gender and the transformation from female to male as well as the cultural understandings around romantic relationships and the clutch. Naturally, more topics would become apparent as the analysis proceeded. Spock as always encouraged original ideas as well as his own and he looked forward to hearing the fresh insights his team may have. 

Spock called all of the scientific crew currently on shift for a quick initial briefing. He directed the ship’s computer to record the briefing and distribute it to all relevant staff as they began their next shift. Spock was satisfied to note the energy of scientific curiosity within the room as he overviewed the basic elements of their experiences on Tahli and his own ideas for topics relevant for further research. Nyota slipped into the lab as Spock began talking. It was good timing. Although Nyota was not technically part of the scientific crew, her expertise in xenolinguistics was vital to progressing any research in that area. 

Spock assigned study leads for each of the already identified topics and tasked the science department with thoroughly examining the existing data, and developing a list of research questions and hypotheses along with appropriate research methodologies to progress these within the time frame allowed. He gave the department until the following morning to perform this initial step. Following a second briefing tomorrow morning to finalise their ideas, they would begin collecting any additional data required. Spock dismissed his staff, the excitement of the team palpable, even to Spock. He spent 1.5 seconds recalibrating his physiological controls. 

As he did so, Nyota approached him, her face breaking into a wide smile, 'Spock, I'm going to get myself some dinner. Would you care to join me?'

'Affirmative,' Spock answered with a quick nod,' that would be most agreeable.'

Nyota waited patiently while Spock answered several questions from various team members. When he was ready to leave, he found her instantly at his side, and they fell into an easy walking rhythm. 

'My quarters?' Nyota asked as they walked.

'Very well,’ Spock answered. 

They continued walking in a companionable silence. Nyota was familiar enough with Vulcan customs and, indeed, with Spock, that she could be comfortable in silence. Reaching and entering Nyota’s quarters, she broke the silence, ‘what would you like, Spock?’

'A salad would be suitable,' Spock replied.

'Alright. Actually that sounds good. I might have a salad too,’ Nyota answered dialling two salads in the replicator.

The salads materialised and Nyota placed the bowls of salad directly on the table, ‘This one is new. It is quite nice. It has pine nuts in it.’

Spock quirked his eyebrow without comment. 

‘And to drink?’ Nyota asked.

‘Water will be adequate,’ Spock replied.

Nyota dialled up a glass of still water for Spock and sparkling for herself. She placed the drinks on the table and sat down, Spock joining her. They began the meal silently, each crunching on their salads. 

'So, it sounds like your cultural exchange on Tahli was quite an experience,' Nyota said, opening the conversation.

'Indeed,' Spock answered, 'there are several aspects of the Ashtahki biology and culture that are quite fascinating from a scientific perspective. Your idea of adding a record function to the universal translator proved most effective. There are a number of fascinating topics for xenolinguistics research.'

'Oh I agree,' Nyota answered, her eyes crinkling with affection as she smiled, 'and thanks, but that isn't what I meant.’

Nyota paused as she crunched on a mouthful of salad. ‘It sounds like it would have been quite a challenging and interesting experience… personally,’ Nyota said with careful emphasis. 

'You are quite right, Nyota,' Spock answered taking a sip of water before continuing, 'it promoted several useful insights on the nature on the Surakian way as well as...' Spock’s voice trailed off.

'As well as?' Nyota repeated with rapt attention.

'Nyota,’ Spock said carefully, putting down his fork and placing his hands on the table, ‘Jim and I have become involved romantically.’

Nyota squealed and jumped excitedly in her seat, losing all composure.

Spock’s eyes flicked to the side. He wasn’t sure what to make of this emotional display.

'Oh, Spock…I'm so happy for you,’ he heard Nyota gush.

Spock turned his eyes back to Nyota, his oldest true friend. She was beaming.

'Thank-you, Nyota,' Spock answered, relieved. His brow furrowed in thought as he processed her reaction, 'you are not surprised?'

Nyota laughed. 'Of course not! Oh, Spock if you are expecting shock you'll be disappointed. I don't think anyone on the Enterprise will be surprised.'

Spock gazed down, staring at his salad as he said, 'I have been so transparent. To everyone but myself.'

'Only where Jim is concerned,' Nyota replied in a reassuring tone, 'and he is even more transparent in his feelings for you.’

'I ... I had great doubts that my feelings would be reciprocated...' Spock confessed. 

Nyota laughed, 'Spock, have you seen the way he looks at you? I've never seen such a look of pure adoration before. He’s absolutely smitten.' 

'I see...' Spock answered, taking another bite of his salad.

Nyota took a mouthful of her own. But she soon put her fork back down.

‘What is troubling you, Spock?’ Nyota asked. 

‘We both realised the nature of our feelings for each other when we took the Talesh. I do not understand why Jim and I did not realise the nature of our relationship, when it was readily apparent to everyone else,’ Spock answered, eyes downcast, toying with his salad.

Nyota shrugged, ‘That’s just how it happens sometimes. I wouldn’t dwell on it. There’s an old Earth saying: it is hard to see what is in front of your own face.’

Spock’s eyebrow furrowed in thought, ‘An apt metaphor,’ but he continued toying with his salad.

‘You are still troubled,’ Nyota said matter-of-factly, ‘What are you thinking?’

‘I am extrapolating the likely future scenario if we had never come to Tahli. It is not logical to speculate, however, I find myself unaccountably…troubled… to borrow your word, by the conclusion that in such a scenario Jim and I would never have come to understand the full depth and meaning of our relationship,’ Spock replied, eyes downcast staring at a piece of tomato that he was repeatedly stabbing with his fork. 

‘Oh, Spock,’ Nyota said, reaching across the table and resting her hand on Spock’s arm, ‘you forget that you have us. I believed that you and Jim would find a way to each other. I still think you would have, regardless. But, I wouldn’t have left you obliviously circling each other forever. There would have come a point where I would have confronted you with the truth.’

Spock’s eyes met Nyota’s and his lips twitched slightly in a tiny smile, ‘Indeed, it was most remiss of me to leave your potential actions out of my future scenario. You are quite correct.’

‘Of course I am,’ Nyota smiled gently, her eyes softened.

‘I am pleased that we have maintained the quality of our friendship, Nyota,’ Spock said.

‘So am I, Spock,’ Nyota answered, ‘But you know, it wouldn’t have been just be me. There’s a lot of people on this ship who would have started pushing you and Jim together if your mutual obliviousness had continued. I suspect that at some point there would have been a ship wide conspiracy in which you were both stranded on a cold, uninhabited planet with one sleeping roll and a mysterious transporter malfunction.’

‘That would have been most inappropriate,’ Spock said eyebrow quirked, ‘and bordering on mutiny.’

‘Well, then let’s be grateful that we weren’t pushed to such extreme and unprofessional behaviour,’ Nyota laughed. 

They finished their meals and Spock departed. He stopped at his own quarters for a quick shower before heading straight to Jim’s room. He entered quietly — it was late —and, indeed, Jim was already asleep, PADD discarded beside him on the bed.

Spock carefully moved the PADD and stripped down to his boxers. He slipped into bed beside Jim.

‘Spock,’ Jim murmured, eyes still closed, reaching out and cuddling into Spock’s body.

‘T’hy’la,’ Spock whispered, kissing Jim softly on the forehead.

‘Told Bones. He wasn’t surprised,’ Jim mumbled into Spock’s chest, ‘Apparently, I practically told him I was in love with you without even knowing myself that that was what I meant. He is happy for us though.’

‘Fascinating,’ Spock answered, ‘Nyota was not surprised either. She maintained that no one will be. It seems we have been most transparent.’

‘Huh,’ Jim answered, opening his eyes to look at Spock and yawning. ‘Transparent to everyone but ourselves,’ Jim said.

‘So it would seem,’ Spock answered.

‘Spock,’ Jim said his voice wavering slightly with emotion, ‘what if we hadn’t come to Tahli? Would we have never realised? Never gotten together? Because that terrifies me.’

‘The exact same thought occurred to me, ashayam,’ Spock answered gently pressing a kiss on Jim’s forehead, ‘but as Nyota pointed out to me, we are not alone. Our friends would not have allowed us to continue in such a manner.’

‘Ah- true,’ Jim replied yawning, ‘they are good to us, aren’t they? Our friends…crew…whatever…’

‘Indeed they are, t’hy’la,’ Spock answered with a slight smile, ‘now back to sleep.’ 

Jim closed his eyes and rested his head on Spock’s chest. Spock stroked his hair as he drifted off to sleep. Spock spent 10.7 minutes engaging in a basic meditative practice before allowing himself to join Jim in slumber, the soft hum of the ship’s engines a welcome background to their sleep.


	17. Chapter 17

Spock kept his eyes focussed on Jim — the living embodiment of energy and brilliance — as Jim charmed and smiled his way towards the close of their 4.1 hour long senior officers meeting. Of course, the brilliance of Jim’s personality was second only to the brilliance of his intellect. It was little wonder that Jim often made Spock think of the sun. The metaphor was apt. Jim was the sun and Spock, truly, was caught in his orbit. 

In a moment of shameful self-clarity Spock realised that he had not devoted his full attention to the last several sentences. His mind had been too busily occupied with simply appreciating Jim. While that was an undeniably pleasant subject matter, this would not do. Spock resolved to take greater care to keep his attention appropriately focussed while on duty.  
Jim cleared his throat, ‘there’s one more thing.’ 

Scotty sighed as his attention was drawn away from the door through which he’d been planning to escape and back to Jim. He had clearly had his fill of Tahli, politics and diplomacy and was longing to spend the rest of his shift where he was most at home: in engineering. 

Uhura and McCoy, however, both looked up from their PADDs with knowing smiles playing about their faces. They already knew what was coming and they were looking forward to it. This would be the official announcement: captain to senior staff. From here it would spread throughout the ship. Spock’s heart began to hammer in his side. He carefully tweaked his physiological controls to slow it to a steadier pace.

Jim swallowed heavily and cleared his throat again, ‘this um... this isn’t related to the negotiations on Tahli. It is a personal matter but one I think…we think…’ Jim’s gaze flicked to Spock for a moment, ‘one we think is appropriate to announce to our crew in a timely manner…’

Jim paused, his gaze flicking to Scotty, the only one who didn’t know what was coming, ‘Spock and I...we have decided to... well, we are together...’

‘Congratulations,’ McCoy chimed in instantly, leaping up to shake Jim’s hand. 

Jim beamed, ‘Thanks, Bones.’

‘And Spock,’ McCoy said as he finished shaking Jim’s hand, ‘Congratulations to you, too. I’d warn you but I know you know what you are getting yourself into just as much as I do.’

Spock merely raised an eyebrow. 

Jim laughed, ‘Oh shut up, Bones.’

‘But don’t think all of that doesn’t mean that you don’t have to treat him right. You know that you have me to answer to if you damn well break his heart.’

‘Bones,’ Jim said shaking his head, ‘Now you really do need to shut up.’

‘I have no intention of breaking his heart as you put it,’ Spock answered, his speech slowing as he carefully repeated the human metaphor.

‘Good,’ Bones smiled, ‘I didn’t think you did.’

‘Well I want to add my congratulations to you both,’ Nyota said beaming, ‘I’m very happy for you and I am sure the crew will be delighted,’ she slipped in after McCoy, giving Jim a hug.

‘Thanks, Nyota,’ Jim said warmly. 

‘I dinnae ken this…’ Scotty muttered, still sitting at the desk, shaking his head, his face contorted in a frown, his forehead creased with wrinkles. 

‘Oh,’ Jim gulped as he took in Scotty’s reaction, his happiness melting away, ‘You are concerned about our performance as a command team? Or… or do you simply um…disapprove?’

A fierce sense of protectiveness overcome Spock at seeing Jim crumple in this way. He immediately jumped in to defend their relationship, ‘Scotty, let me assure you that our performance as a command team will be unaffected. Further, I remind you that such relationships are not against Starfleet protocol provided we notify Starfleet command within 60 days which we intend to do. In addition, I intend to take objective measurements of our performance and I shall provide you with empirical proof that we are unaffected should you desire it.’

‘Oh aye, best command team in the fleet. I dinnae mean that…there’s no one I’d rather serve under…But dinnae this all happen yonks ago?’ Scotty asked.

The room was tight with tension as Jim and Spock met each other’s eyes. Jim cleared his throat as if to speak but Spock beat him to it, ‘Negative, Mr Scott, Jim and I began a romantic relationship while on Tahli.’

‘While on Tahli?’ Scotty repeated.

Jim nodded, ‘Yeah, it has only just happened.’

Scotty began to laugh, ‘pair of fools… you’ve been mooning over each other for years…’

Jim chuckled, his cheeks blushing slightly, ‘Yes, well, we’ve finally become a couple and this is our official announcement of our change in status. We want the crew to be aware without making a ship-wide announcement. So, feel free to discretely let people know.’

‘Oh aye,’ Scotty chuckled, ‘half of them think you’ve been secretly Vulcan married for years but yeah I’ll try to convince them that you’ve just gotten together on Tahli.’

The meeting over, they all left for their respective duties, Scotty still muttering, and Spock discretely offering Jim a Vulcan kiss. The news of their new status did, indeed, quickly travel throughout the ship. As Nyota, McCoy and Scotty had predicted no one was much surprised, except by the fact that they had only just gotten together. One ensign even outright asked Spock if he had Vulcan married the Captain in secret months ago. Spock merely raised an eyebrow disdainfully. It would not do to reinforce such blatantly inappropriate behaviour towards a superior officer. The ensign, he supposed, got the message. At least there were no further inappropriate questions. 

Adding their romantic relationship to their interactions as a command team and their usual friendship proved a simple matter. They always spent the night together, sometimes in Jim’s bed and sometimes Spock’s. The closeness of their quarters and their shared bathroom was most convenient. They had taken to leaving both doors open when the bathroom was not in use so that their quarters functioned as one living space — granted with the bathroom strangely in the centre —but still, it worked. 

They both made attempts to eat meals together as often as possible. It was not always possible. But with both of them attempting to do so, they ate 56% of their meals together. They had even managed a game of chess. The game proceeded with the usual mutual pleasure and pleasant conversation. The only difference was that Jim now believed it necessary for the loser to provide the winner with oral gratification as some kind of prize. Spock, being the winner of this match, found that this was a welcome difference. It only enhanced the stimulation of the competition and he was glad to add the convention to their personal chess rules. 

All of this adaptation was done without discussion. They just slipped into a comfortable routine. The most remarkable thing, for Spock, was how easy it was compared to his relationship with Nyota. This just proved, to Spock’s mind that his relationship with Jim was well suited to being a romantic relationship whereas his relationship with Nyota truly was a friendship. 

Spock enjoyed settling into his newly developed romantic relationship with Jim. It was most satisfying to bring their newly discovered relationship into their usual routine and find that it still worked. Yet it was a busy week for Spock. Well, that wasn’t unusual, unique of all the staff, even more so than Jim, for Spock every week was a busy week. 

Most of the crew had busy weeks and quiet weeks. Every week was busy for someone, depending upon the current mission. But there were weeks that were quiet for each type of personnel. At times, engineering work would merely be routine maintenance, or the medical team would find that the crew were, by and large, well, or the navigation and piloting of the Enterprise itself would be a simple matter of continuing on. For Spock though, in his joint role as First Officer and Science Officer, whenever his duties as a First Officer eased, it was always time to be busy as a Science Officer. That was as quiet as his weeks got. The situation was most satisfactory, however, for Spock liked being busy. He did not understand the human need for leisure time. His physical body required adequate sleep and his mind required adequate meditation. But, beyond that he preferred to keep busy. 

This week, in orbit around Tahli, waiting for the Klingons to participate in their own cultural exchange, Spock was focused on his duties as a science officer. The scientific projects were all progressing incredibly well. In keeping with Ashtahli culture, the Ashtahli had no reservations about openly sharing knowledge or data. Amresh put Spock in contact with the scientific advisor Kalen who was positively delighted to meet an alien, even over the vid screen, and happily forwarded on any data on Ashtahli biology or customs that Spock requested. In return, Spock shared some basic information on Earth and Vulcan which was received with much enthusiasm. 

While Spock spent long hours in the science department, Jim was focused on their upcoming negotiations, ensuring that they were sufficiently prepared. Jim spent his days going over their logs, requesting updates from Spock on the latest progress from the scientific teams and seeking opinions on the nuances of Ashtahli culture from anyone on board with a background in xenoanthropology or xenolinguistics. Privately, Spock thought that Jim’s extra preparations, while admirable, would likely prove unnecessary. 

From the cultural exchange Jim already had a sufficient grasp of the key aspects of Ashtahli culture that, combined with his existing charm and diplomatic talent, would enable him to put forward the best bargaining position that the Federation could offer. However, there was something to be said for increasing their chances of success further still when they were competing against the Klingons for dilithium mining rights, even if Spock calculated that he was only increasing their chances by a margin of 0.7%. When in competition, your success depended much upon your competitor’s position, not simply your own game. And they had no way of knowing how the Klingons were proceeding. 

Towards the end of the week, a vid call came through from Amresh, which gave Jim and Spock a tantalising glimpse into how their competition was faring. The call came through just as Jim and Spock were about eat dinner together, which meant they were able to immediately answer the call from Jim’s quarters.

‘Jim! Spock!’ Amresh gushed over the vid com, his facial tentacles twitching with excitement, ‘Greetings! It is a delight to see you both.’

‘Greetings, Amresh,’ Jim smiled warmly as Spock held his hand in the ta-al and nodded. 

‘Ah,’ Amresh sighed, ‘It already seems like such a long time since our week together.’

Jim and Spock exchanged a calculating look. Amresh had missed them. Interesting. 

‘A week we will treasure our whole lives through for many reasons, Amresh,’ Jim replied, ‘I hope you have enjoyed the past week with the Klingon representatives just as much.’

Amresh twitched his eyes flicking to the side for a moment. Then he sighed. ‘It is my understanding that the concept of privacy means that I do not share information about others without their consent. However, I believe that sharing some of my own thoughts and feelings is appropriate, provided I keep the details regarding other beings private?’

Again, Jim and Spock exchanged a look. 

‘That is correct,’ Spock answered, ‘Your thoughts are your own to share or not as you wish.’

Amresh nodded, ‘It has been an interesting week. Both weeks were equally challenging and I have learned a great deal more about the universe. However, I find myself disappointed and exhausted at the end of this week. The universe is not as grand as I once thought.’

‘In what way?’ Jim asked.

Amresh shook his head, ‘I am shocked to learn that such violence exists. That death and destruction can be glorified by a people who are also intelligent, indeed, who are more advanced than the Ashtahli. It makes no sense.’

‘The Ashtahli way is a peaceful way,’ Jim answered, ‘The Ashtahli value the peaceful resolution of conflict and a harmonious society.’

‘Yes,’ Amresh replied smiling slightly, ‘This is true. And it is only now, comparing ourselves to other species within the universe, that I can fully see that: how important peace is to us.’

‘There is then, perhaps, something to be treasured in your disappointment,’ Jim said.

‘You are wise beyond your years, Jim,’ Amresh said, ‘but what I still do not understand is how such people, both intelligent and ruthlessly violent, exist. They speak of the way of the warrior and of honour. I cannot fathom such concepts. You see, Jim and Spock, to the Ashtahli, truth is the basis of all morality. If we are grounded in the truth, all that is good follows and flows. You yourselves challenged me greatly. You made me realise that humans and Vulcans can be good while keeping to privacy. Indeed, you both treated each other with such love and devotion while you were lying to yourselves about your deepest feelings for each other. That itself was a shock. But from the Klingons, from them I have learned that there are people capable of being fully truthful and ruthlessly aggressive in the same interaction. Greater understanding of the truth does not seem to be beneficial to them as it was to yourselves, indeed, they became more aggressive.’ 

‘Amresh,’ Spock answered, ‘If I may, your questions are of a scientific nature. The Ashtahli have several unique qualities: you experience the world as both a female and a male, you form clutches and you value truth most highly, indeed, it is as you said, the basis of Ashtahli moral life. We know of no other warp-capable species with any of these characteristics. We speculate that these three features are, in fact, related. And together, they have produced the harmonious and peaceful society that you live in.’

Amresh leaned forward, his facial tentacles flicking about wildly, ‘Please, share your speculations, Spock.’

Spock nodded, ‘Firstly, note that every member of Ashtahli society experiences the role of primary caregiver to an infant. Indeed, it is the first adult role that any Ashtahli takes on. Arguably, parental care is the first glimpse, from an evolutionary perspective, of many core aspects of morality: compassion, self-sacrifice, and nurturance. Indeed, evolutionary scientists have long noted that the existence of alloparents, the extension of parental care beyond the biological mother, is crucial to the wider moral development of a species. For the Ashtahli, everyone is both a mother and an alloparent. And everyone is an alloparent many times over. I speculate that this magnified the development of nurturing and compassionate qualities.’

‘I see,’ Amresh whispered. 

Jim stared at Spock with wide eyes and a warm smile. 

Spock felt his heart flutter slightly in his side and carefully slowed its pace before continuing, ‘Further, consider the clutch. The clutch means that group selection not individual selection is favoured. That is, it is the most successful clutch, the clutch that produces the most offspring that passes on its genes. Not the most successful individual. This favours the selection of traits such as cooperation and tolerance. But a clutch must maintain harmony, functioning as a single cohesive unit, across an entire lifetime, with the birth of many children and as the members of the clutch change from female to male. What is a social toxin that could cause a stable clutch to unravel with time? Deceit. With deceit, the clutch would fracture over time, dividing into smaller units, each cut off from each other by lies and secrets. The best way to maintain a stable clutch over time is to be absolutely truthful to your clutch sister-mates. For the Ashtahli this works. It works so well because the Ashtahli are simultaneously tolerant. The Ashtahli are radically accepting of each other. The very concept of social rejection was foreign to you. And so, truth and acceptance hand in hand are the bedrock of a remarkably peaceful, tolerant and successful society. Without such radical acceptance, grounding oneself within truth is a more difficult path.’

‘This is true,’ Amresh said, tears in his eyes, ‘Spock, I hear the truth of your words. It is not merely truth that is the bedrock of the Ashtahli way. It is also acceptance.’

Spock nodded.

‘Very insightful, Spock,’ Jim smiled warmly.

‘I have to thank you both once again,’ Amresh said, ‘You have put my mind at rest and given me further precious insights. But I did not call you to share my truths. I wished to check if everything is in order for the negotiations?’

‘We are ready,’ Jim replied, ‘We are looking forward to it.’

‘Good,’ Amresh replied, ‘we are proceeding with our plan of a joint and open negotiation. We invite yourselves and the Klingon delegates to put forward your best offers to the Ashtahli people, in full view of each other. Negotiations will proceed from there.’

‘I understand,’ Jim said, ‘That is most consistent with the Ashtahli way.’

‘This is true,’ Amresh replied smiling, ‘I look forward to seeing you both on Tahli soon.’

‘Until then, Amresh,’ Jim waved goodbye.

‘Until then, Jim and Spock,’ Amresh answered.

Spock raised the ta-al, ‘Live long and prosper.’

The video communication ended. And Jim looked to Spock. Spock raised a single eyebrow as he rapidly recalculated their chances of success. Unless he was mistaken their chances of success had just increased by 15%.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scotty translation
> 
> ken = understand   
> yonks ago = a long time ago


	18. Chapter 18

'Ready, Captain?' Scotty asked.

Jim swallowed down a fluttering of nerves. In spite of his reputation for being a daring risk-taker he still got nervous, especially in situations like this. He looked to his team, standing beside him on the transporter pad and made eye contact with each in turn: Nyota, Bones and Spock. He wasn’t doing this alone. He was never alone. He was going into this with the best of the Fleet by his side. The best of the Fleet, his friends, his chosen family, and Spock, well, Spock was now his lover, his partner, his t’hy’la. Spock gave him a knowing eyebrow raise. Alright, Jim thought, his nerve found. Let's do this.

'We’re ready, Scotty,’ Jim said, ‘Energize.'

Scotty and the Enterprise faded from sight and they were once again standing on Tahli on the same marble-like floors in the same large conference room that they'd originally transported into well over two weeks ago. The orange Tahli sunlight steamed through the large open windows giving the room and all the occupants a warm glow.

Amresh, Tarosh and Lareng were standing ready to greet them. Amresh stepped forward immediately, his facial tentacles wiggling in delight as he gave them a warm welcome, ‘Greetings, Jim and Spock. And welcome once again Nyota and Leonard. We are delighted to have you all on Tahli once again and we are excited about proceeding to the negotiations.’

Jim smiled, ‘Greetings, Amresh. We are delighted to be here.’ 

Nyota and McCoy smiled and waved behind Jim while Spock raised the ta-al in greeting. 

‘And of course,’ Amresh continued, ‘you would all remember Tarosh our grand grandfather and Lareng his clutch sister-mate and our scribe for the proceedings.’

‘Welcome again to Tahli,’ Tarosh said, tentacles darting back and forth, ‘Amresh has kept us well informed during your cultural exchange and we have all learned much about what it is to be human and,’ he continued glancing at Spock, ‘what it is to be Vulcan. We are looking forward to hearing your offer to the Tahli people today.’

‘Thank-you, grand grandfather,’ Jim said, ‘we are hopeful that this is the start of a great relationship between the Federation and Tahli.’

‘If you could all follow me, please,’ Lareng said, beckoning. They all fell into line behind her, the Ashtahli first, then Jim and Spock and lastly Uhura and McCoy. 

Lareng led them to a second conference room. In the centre of the room there were seating cushions arranged in a circular formation. Standing near these seating cushions were three Klingons dressed in full ceremonial uniform and staring intimidatingly. 

Lareng approached them with confidence, ‘May I present the Federation representatives, Captain James Kirk, Commander Spock, Lieutenant Nyota Uhura and Doctor Leonard McCoy.’

‘Greetings,’ Jim smiled warmly, ‘On behalf of the United Federation of Planets.’

For a beat, and then for another, the Klingons merely continued to stare intimidatingly. Lareng jumped in, ‘And may I introduce Captain Dras of the House of Mogh, Commander Barot of the House of Korath and Lieutenant Kang of the House of D’Ghor, the representatives of the Klingon Empire.’

The Klingons stared a beat longer and finally Captain Dras spoke his voice dripping with scorn, ‘greetings.’

Jim’s eyes darted immediately to Spock’s. Sure enough Spock was looking at him with a single raised eyebrow. Jim carefully flied his observation away for discussion later. 

The three Ashtahli were watching the Klingon and Federation interaction with rapt attention. 

'Come,’ Lareng said, ‘Let us sit and begin the negotiations.’

The Ashtahli sat first, taking three cushions next to each other, Lareng picking up a small PADD-like device and readying himself to take notes. The Klingons took the cushions on the right of the Ashtahli leaving Jim and his team to sit on the left.

'We thank you again. Today is a great day for the Ashtahli people. We are looking forward to hearing both of your offers. We shall begin today by giving both the Klingon Empire and the Federation the opportunity to put their best offer forward.'

'The Federation may proceed first' Dras said with a smirk. 

Jim simply smiled at this power move. In negotiations, unlike chess, going first could turn into an advantage or a disadvantage depending on the diplomatic game was played. Dras was trying to rattle him. But Jim would not be rattled. He would simply make the most of the advantages that he had, 'We'd be glad to.' 

Tarosh gestured for Jim to begin and the three Ashtahli listened carefully, Lareng posed ready to write. 

Jim cleared his throat, 'Firstly ,it is an honour to be here. Spock and I deeply appreciated the opportunity to experience Ashtahli culture firsthand and, as Amresh knows, it is an experience we will treasure our whole lives. We have developed a deep appreciation for the Ashtahli people and your way of life. Already, in this past week we have witnessed the exchange scientific knowledge between our peoples. A fruitful exchange that we wish to continue.’

Jim paused to make eye contact with each of the Ashtahli, ‘the Federation would like to establish an alliance between Tahli and the Federation including an ongoing cultural and scientific exchange between Tahli and Federation worlds. This would involve a continued Federation presence here on Tahli as well as the opportunity for Tahli citizens to move freely within the Federation. We would like to establish this alliance with the option for Tahli to be able to apply for full status as a member of the United Federation of Planets after 4.6 Tahli years. If Tahli instead wishes to remain independent, that is of course your choice. Regardless, the alliance itself would include the free exchange of scientific knowledge and the ability for Ashtahli to freely move within the Federation including studying and working on Federation planets. Of course, Tahli would be under Starfleet’s protection. In exchange for mining rights in particular, the Federation would like to offer the latest technology. We have already identified that Tahli lacks replication and transportation technology. If an alliance with the Federation is established then the Federation presence here would include a specific taskforce to service Tahli with any enhanced technology that you desire in exchange for dilithium.’ 

‘Why does the Federation seek an alliance with the Ashtahli people?’ Tarosh asked tentacles wiggling, ‘How will you benefit?’

‘Naturally, the significant natural resource of dilithium is a major factor. Dilithium is highly valuable and in much demand. The Federation would benefit from the alliance. But that is not all. Having experienced the Ashtahli way of life first hand, Spock and I agree that the Ashtahli culture is a precious and rich one. We would like to see the peaceful and honest Ashtahli way spread through the galaxy. Spock, if you would comment.’

Spock nodded, ‘As a Vulcan following the way of Surak is core to my being. The wisdom of the Ashtahli, in a mere week, significantly enhanced my understanding and practice of the Surakian way. My people have suffered great loss. It is my belief that an ongoing cultural exchange with the Ashtahli would aid greatly in the preservation of the true way of Surak and bring my people succour.’

‘Thank-you, Spock,’ Jim continued, ‘Similarly, I think that many humans could benefit from your wisdom. This is why we see an ongoing cultural and scientific exchange as foundational to the alliance. The exchange of materials, dilithium for the latest in technology, will also be mutually beneficial. But we believe it is secondary. 

‘This is true,’ Tarosh agreed, ‘Amresh has kept us well informed. I know of the benefits that you both experienced by grounding yourselves in the truth. Further, our contact with the Federation has opened our eyes to many truths also. Is there anything more you wish to say at this point, Captain James Kirk?’

‘No, thank-you for this opportunity,’ Jim replied.

Tarosh turned to Dras ‘and what does the Klingon Empire offer?'

‘I would speak frankly,’ Dras began, ‘in plain language and without diplomatic adornment.’

‘Please do,’ Tarosh said, gesturing for him to continue. 

‘Both the Klingon Empire and the Federation are here for the dilithium. The Federation’s offer, once you peal back the flattery, boils down to three things: free movement within Federation boundaries, the defence of Tahli, and technology. We also offer free movement within Klingon territory conditional upon an alliance. We will also give the Ashtahli superior technology in exchange for your dilithium. Whether you choose the Federation or the Klingon Empire, Tahli will gain food replicators, transportors, holodecks and whatever other technology your people want. The crucial difference is this: defence. Tahli is an attractive prize for conquest and piracy. Tahli has one of the richest natural deposits of dilithium in this sector. And the Ashtahli people have no recent experience with war, no knowledge of military tactics, and no advanced weaponry. You are highly vulnerable. Unless you ally yourselves with a stronger power you will be massacred before your next batch of children comes of age. Who should you choose to defend Tahli? When the Romulans come looking for dilithium who do you want fighting for you? When the Orion Syndicate tries to steal your dilithium and set up criminal networks on Tahli who do you want in charge of wiping them out? A warrior race? A race born with the heat of battle in their blood? Or the Federation: all gutless talk. Klingons are warriors. We will protect Tahli with our very lives grateful for the honour of dying in glorious battle.’

‘This is true,’ Tarosh answered, ‘Klingons are warriors. And what does the Klingon Empire gain from such an alliance?’

‘Dilithium,’ Dras said, ‘and the glory of battle.’

‘This is true,’ Tarosh said, ‘Is there anything further you wish to add Captain Dras of the House of Mogh?’

‘No,’ Dras answered, leaning back with a satisfied smirk on his face. 

Tarosh paused for a moment in thought, his facial tentacles twitching, ‘the Ashtahli agree to the exchange of technology for our dilithium. Such an exchange is clearly in our best interests. We are particularly interested in food replicators and transportation devices as you have both identified. However, both the Klingons and the Federation are willing to offer such technology. Therefore, we must turn to other matters to distinguish between the two offers. Let us turn to the second part of the negotiations process. We have questions to put to you on behalf of the Ashtahli people.’

Again Tarosh paused in thought before turning to Jim, ‘Captain Kirk, is the Federation equipped to successfully defend Tahli?’

‘Grand grandfather Tarosh,’ Jim began, ‘The United Federation of Planets occupies a territory of eight thousand light years with over one hundred and fifty member planets. We successfully defend our borders everday. We find that diplomacy, a skill that Captain Dras of the House of Mogh is disdainful of is yet another way to defend borders. We will defend without conflict whenever possible. But when necessary we will defend the Ashtahli people through other means. The Federation will not leave you undefended. Often seeking peace is the best defence.’

‘This is true,’ Tarosh replied nodding. Amresh nodded thoughtfully, a smile playing about his lips.

‘Captain Dras of the House of Mogh,’ Tarosh continued turning to Dras, ‘Klingons are warriors. The Ashtahli are not. It is clear that you do not respect us or our ways. How can you die defending what you do not respect?’

Dras snorted, ‘In defence of Tahli we die not for the Ashtahli, but for the glory of the Klingon Empire. Our reasons can mean nothing to the Ashtahli who will live if they are allied to us and surely die otherwise.’

‘This is true,’ Tarosh said, ‘You have stated that the Astahli would have free movement within the Klingon Empire. Does this include the right to study on Klingon planets?’

Dras nodded, ‘It does.’

Tarosh nodded, ‘The next question is for you both. We believe that many Ashtahli will be interested in studying on other worlds to advance our knowledge. Womanhood is the time of studying. Yet, it would be a terrible thing for a clutch to be separated at such a time of life. Would you consider developing an application process for the Ashtahli where we apply to study as a clutch with all clutch members either accepted or rejected by an institution?’

‘I’m sure that could be arranged,’ Jim said, ‘your reasons are quite understandable.’

‘We could arrange that,’ Dras said.

‘One last question for Captain Kirk,’ Tarosh continued, ‘will Ashtahli be free to join Starfleet?’

‘Yes,’ Jim answered, ‘Applications to Starfleet would be considered by the terms of the alliance.’

‘We have no further questions,’ Tarosh said, ‘I suggest we adjourn and seek refreshment. There is a small garden just outside this room. You will find food and drink there. I intend to discuss today’s proceedings with my colleagues in private.’

Tarosh stood. Amresh and Lareng stood too. Amresh smiled towards Jim his facial tentacles wiggling slightly as he followed Tarosh and Lareng out of the room.

Jim and his team moved towards the garden as did the Klingons. They helped themselves to plates of fruit in uncomfortable silence, the Klingons taking theirs back inside while Jim and his team remained in the garden. 

'How did you think we are going so far?' Jim whispered as he chewed on some Tahli fruit, peaking through the wide open windows at the three Klingons standing inside the hall, probably asking each other the same thing.

'You are putting forward our case with considerable skill, ‘Spock answered, ‘It seems that both the Federation and the Klingons Empire are willing to give the Ashtahli what they require so logically success comes down to other factors.'

'Like shared values?' Nyota said.

'And who the Ashtahli feel most comfortable with?' McCoy answered.

'Precisely,’ Spock answered, 'and there I believe we may be at an advantage.' 

‘I wouldn’t count on that, Spock,’ McCoy said, ‘Never doubt the capacity of a people to make stupid decisions when they are all terrified of being slaughtered in their beds.’

Spock merely raised an eyebrow.

‘I think the Ashtahli are made of stronger stuff than that,’ Nyota countered.

‘Well, I hope you’re right,’ McCoy replied. 

As Nyota and McCoy continued debating the point Jim leaned close to Spock and lightly brushed his hand with his fingers, whispering, ‘it is so good, my love, to have you by my side in every sense.’

‘Captain, please,’ Spock whispered back, his eyes darting to the window, ‘Not in front of the Klingons.’

Jim looked back through the window at the three Klingons talking to each other and occasionally glaring out into the garden and laughed.

‘Spock, they are inside,’ Jim replied still whispering, ‘I don’t think they can hear.’

‘Affirmative,’ Spock said, ‘the chances of them hearing that whisper are 2.3%. However, humans are notorious for misjudging the auditory capabilities of other species. You cannot have known that before speaking.’

Jim laughed, ‘Are we now? Notorious? Just what have you overheard, Spock?’

‘Captain, please,’ Spock said, ‘you are only proving my point. The chances of them hearing you now are 33.4%. We should continue this conversation another time.’

‘Very well, Mr Spock,’ Jim said shaking his head and smiling. 

The Ashtahli returned to the room and they took this as the cue to file in and take a seat. 

‘We have no further questions today,’ Tarosh said, ‘We need to discuss further. We shall reconvene tomorrow morning. Thank-you.’

Dras and the other Klingons bowed with a scowl on their faces and beamed back to their ship. Jim thanked Tarosh and flipped out his communicator, ‘Time to go, Scotty.’

‘Oh aye, captain,’ Scotty said, ‘ready now.’

‘Energise.’

Jim, Spock, Nyota and McCoy instantly appeared on the transporter pad on the Enterprise. 

Jim stepped off the pad, ‘Well, Spock, any thoughts about Koloth?’

‘Did I miss something?’ McCoy asked, ‘Who is Koloth?’

But Nyota’s eyes were wide, ‘Oh, damn, Koloth! The Klingon delegate who took the Talesh. In our first meeting with the Ashtahli they said he was called Koloth.’

Spock nodded, ‘Precisely. And he was notably absent.’

‘Any thoughts on why?’ Jim asked.

‘I do not recall the Ashtahli mentioning his rank,’ Spock answered, ‘but if he took the Talesh than logically he was originally going to play an active role in the negotiation process. It seems he has been replaced.’

‘Captain,’ Nyota said, ‘didn’t you say that he confessed that he didn’t want to die in glorious battle under the Talesh? His absence makes sense. One of the other senior officers must have challenged him immediately after that and taken his place.’

‘So where is he now?’ Jim asked, gesturing widely.

Nyota shook her head sadly, ‘when I say challenged I mean a physical altercation. The most likely scenario is that he is dead.’

‘Is it possible that he is still alive?’ Jim said, frowning in thought. 

‘Maybe,’ Nyota replied after a pause, ‘Perhaps if he refused to fight. To die in such a challenge is considered honourable. To a Klingon, living on without honour is a fate worse than death. It is possible that death was considered too good for him.’

Jim nodded, processing this information.

‘Jim,’ McCoy asked, ‘Do you think the Ashtahli know about this?’

Jim shook his head, ‘I don’t think so.’

‘Then we should look for an opportunity to use this information to our advantage,’ Spock said.

Jim nodded, ‘Yes, but how?’

‘I do not know,’ replied Spock, ‘only that we should be mindful should such an opportunity arise.’


	19. Chapter 19

Nyota tossed and turned all night. A lingering feeling that they had missed something tickled and teased her conscious mind, making it impossible to find peaceful slumber. Damn. It was something obvious. She continued trying to sleep. Perhaps with sleep it would come to her. 

When she woke yet again at four hundred hours she decided to give up on sleep. She crawled out of bed and woke herself up fully with a quick shower. As she sat to eat her breakfast it finally clicked.

She jumped up, abandoning her museli and fruit, and hurried straight to Jim's quarters so she could tell him immediately in person. She got to Jim’s door, out of breath and bouncing on the balls of her feet in anticipation as she rang the door chime. But no one came to the door. 

She rang it again. Her breath now caught she bounced on her feet all the more and sighed.

Still no one came.

'Shit,' she muttered to herself, 'where is Jim at this hour?' 

Then she realised. Of course. Where else would Jim be? She stepped over to the neighbouring quarters, Spock’s, and rang his door chime. 

This time it was quickly answered. Spock, wearing a Vulcan meditation robe, opened the door, ‘Nyota, you wish to speak with me?’

‘I’m looking for Jim, actually,’ Uhura said, ‘I need to speak to him right away.’

Spock lifted an eyebrow, ‘Very well, one moment,’ Spock’s gaze shifted from Nyota at the door to inside his room. He nodded and then looked back to Nyota, stepping aside and gesturing for her to come in.

Jim stood next to the bed in one of Spock's meditation robes. Nyota was temporarily diverted from her urgent train of thought by the sweet couple moment that was before her. She could not recall ever wearing one of Spock's meditation robes. It seemed like a metaphor. She was happy for Spock. And for Jim.

Jim yawned, 'Nyota? What's up?'

Nyota was immediately catapulted back to her urgent message, 'I'm so sorry I missed it. You and Spock were both distracted by the Koloth thing. I have no excuse.'

'Missed what?' Jim asked frowning in confusion.

'Jim,' Nyota said, 'they discussed the negotiations in private. They used that exact phrase: in private.' 

Jim looked to Spock who immediately raised his eyebrow. 

'Fuck,' Jim said running a hand through his hair. 

'Indeed,' Spock replied.

'Alright, so the Ashtahli are adopting some form of privacy. At least for the negotiations,' Jim said, 'what do you think it means?' 

'Well,' Nyota said, 'it is important that we see this in the context of the range of normal responses that species may have to first contact. First contact triggers a period of deep cultural reflection. Most species will take on aspects of other cultures, their own culture adapting and changing to their wider context. From that viewpoint this isn't unusual. In fact, it is a positive sign. Species that are slow to show signs of adaptation are more likely to become isolationist and even hostile.' 

'So,' Jim summarised, 'this is a good thing for the Ashtahli? I mean we haven't just destroyed their culture or something?'

Nyota shook her head, 'it is a living culture. If it were to stop changing it would be a dead thing. The Ashtahli themselves have chosen to adopt some form of privacy in this situation. We have not required it of them. I am confident that they have no intention of giving up the Ashtahli way of life. Merely of discovering what it means to be Ashtahli in the wider context of galaxy.'

'Quite so,' Spock agreed, 'every known culture has made such adaptations. For example, following contact with humans Vulcans began to adopt more emotive ways of speaking, in limited ways at least, for the purpose of better communicating with said humans. It is analogous.' 

An amused smile played about Jim's lips for a moment. 

'Alright so,' Jim said, 'the important question is: what does this mean for us? Negotiations wise I mean.' 

Nyota frowned in thought, 'I'm not sure that it changes how we act. We should still, out of respect for their culture, be as open and frank as we can be. It is more something to be aware of. We can no longer take it for granted that the Ashtahli are being fully transparent with us.'

'Which, really, is what we are used to anyway,' Jim said.

'True,' Nyota replied.

'Jim,' Spock said, 'this is actually quite logical. The Ashtahli are intelligent. They can't be expected to follow cultural edicts to their own detriment. To be fully open in a culture where everyone is fully open is beneficial. However, it makes sense to have private discussions when negotiating with species who themselves have the concept of privacy. To not do so would put the Ashtahli at a distinct disadvantage.' 

'Good point,' Jim said yawning, 'well, I am going to have a quick shower. Let's get some breakfast together and keep talking about it, huh?' 

'Why don't I met you in the mess hall?' Nyota suggested. 

'Sure,' Jim smiled as he began to walk towards the bathroom.

Spock walked Nyota to the door.

'See you soon, Spock,' Nyota grinned. 

'Nyota,' Spock nodded precisely in farewell, closing the door.

'I can't believe we all missed that,' Jim said shaking his head, pausing in his stroll towards the bathroom to talk to Spock.

'Nothing is as invisible as one's own culture, Jim,' Spock replied.

'I guess,' Jim replied, 'Well, Nyota spotted it in the end. Do you mind if I shower first?'

'Not at all, ashayam,' Spock replied. Jim approached Spock, giving him a quick kiss before continuing on to the shared bathroom, 'thanks.'

When they were both ready Jim and Spock met Nyota in the mess hall for breakfast. McCoy was already there, deep in conversation with Nyota about the potential implications of the Ashtahli's adoption of privacy during the negotiations process. Jim and Spock joined in the discussion as they ate their breakfast, going over the potential strategies, but really, there was little more to be said. It all depended on how the Ashtahli played this second day of the negotiations. There was only so much that could be anticipated. Time marched on and they were soon beaming down to Tahli. 

Amresh was waiting for them. He welcomed them with a grin and a wiggling of his facial tentacles, 'Greetings.'

'Greetings, Amresh,' Jim replied, smiling warmly.

'The Klingon delegates have already arrived,' Amresh said, gesturing for them to follow.

They walked together through to the negotiations room, the same room that they had used yesterday. Tarosh and Lareng were sitting on the cushions, chatting to the sour-faced Klingon representatives: Dras, Barot and Kang. 

‘Ah the Federation representatives,’ Tarosh said, ‘Come in, come in. We can begin.'

The Klingons glared at them menacingly. Dras, in particular, stared Jim down. Jim deliberately gave him an especially warm smile. He could sense Spock’s amusement as they all sat. 

'Thank you all for joining us again. Both the Klingon Empire and the United Federation of Planets have made strong cases and generous offers,' Tarosh began, 'this decision is a crucial one for the Ashtahli people. We have found ourselves gripped by a key question: what does it mean to be Ashtahli? It is only in understanding the diversity of species and cultures within our universe that we can begin to appreciate what is valuable in our way of life and what is unnecessary or even harmful. We must change. That is clear. But how? And what aspects of the Ashtahli way of life should we ensure do not change? Are there aspects that we should protect at all costs?' Tarosh paused for a moment lost in thought, 'obviously that is something of us Ashtahli to resolve,' his fascial tentacles wiggled in amusement, 'however, there are some additional questions we wish to put to you, questions that we think will help us to resolve this key question.' 

'Please ask, your grand grandfather,' Jim answered, ‘we will answer as best we can.’

'I am sure we can supply the answers,' Dras jumped in.

'This is true,' Tarosh said, 'very well. We have had the opportunity to get to know the ways of Klingons, Vulcans and humans. Yesterday, Captain Dras spoke eloquently of the threats that both the Romulans and the Orions pose to the Ashtahli. We know so little of these people. Please tell us the basic truths of the Romulans and the Orions as you yourselves understand them?'

'What has this got to do with anything?' Dras snarled.

‘Do you want to give dilithium to the Romulans or the Orions?' Barot spat contemptuously, ‘you would regret doing business with the likes of them mark my words.’

Tarosh was taken aback by this reaction, his facial tentacles flicking wildly, ‘let me reassure you, the Ashtahli are not considering that. We intend to deal with either the Klingon Empire or the United Federation of Planets. However, it would help us to better understand our place in the galaxy as well as the potential threats to the Ashtahli. And that, in turn, will helps us to decide between the Klingon Empire and the Federation.'

Dras snorted, 'They are both honourless cowards in their own ways who would slaughter you in your beds. That's all you need to know.'

'I see,' Tarosh replied carefully, facial tentacles still flicking wildly. He looked to Jim, 'and what is your account of the Romulans and the Orions based on your dealings with them as a Federation citizen?'

Jim licked his lips, 'Well, firstly, it is my experience that no species is inherently good or bad and that for any generalisation there is an exception. There have long been tensions between the Romulan Star Empire and the Federation. In fact, it was a war between the Romulans and Earth that was instrumental in forming the alliance between Earth, Vulcan, Andoria and Tellar that later became the Federation. Although there continues to be tension between the Federation and the Romulans we do have a peace treaty and it is in effect. The general opinion of the Romulan Star Empire is that they are expansionist and xenophobic. Of course, not every Romulan shares those political views. The Orions were once a great civilisation but they slipped into decay and corruption and are known to be dominated by a criminal organisation called the Orion Syndicate. The Orions practice slavery and the slave trade. For this reason, the Federation refuses to engage in diplomatic relations or trading agreements with them. In fact, there are a number of Orions living within Federation space as citizens after having sought refuge from slavery.' 

Tarosh nodded, 'this is true. Thank you both for your answers. I can understand how such societies would be a threat to the Ashtahli way of life. What of the other species that populate the galaxy?'

Again Jim licked his lips to answer but before he was able to the sparkling light of a transportation beam was visible in the centre of the seating cushions. Jim instantly leapt to his feet his right hand reaching for his phaser and finding nothing. Damn. A peaceful diplomatic negotiation means no weapons. Jim felt Spock, Nyota and McCoy all do the same, Spock a beat faster and Nyota and McCoy a beat behind. Dras, Barot and Kang all leapt to their feet too, all drawing d’k tahg, short and thick Klingon daggers. Well, of course the Klingons would ignore the Ashtahli’s request that they not bring weapons. Damn.

The shimmering transporter beam resolved into the form of a Klingon. He was filthy with a fresh wound near his left eye and old blood caked on his uniform. His left arm was twisted slightly at an unnatural angle and he stood unevenly. 

'Koloth!' Amresh exclaimed.

Koloth met Amresh’s gaze, ‘Please, I seek refuge!’

Jim looked to the Klingon delegates. They seemed as shocked by the appearance of Koloth as anyone. Jim met Spock’s calculating gaze. They began to slowly inch around the seating circle in opposite directions, in order to place themselves between the Klingon delegates and Koloth.

‘Koloth,’ Amresh whispered, stepping into the centre of the circle. 

‘You cowardly fool,’ Dras snarled at Koloth, ‘you would disgrace the Empire further?' 

'I disgrace no one but myself,' Koloth replied steadily, ‘I have been expelled from my house and declared an enemy of the Empire. I ask only that you leave me on Tahli to spend the rest of my days here in dishonour.'

'You have no rights to ask for anything!' Dras yelled, ‘I ought to run you through right now.' 

Dras raised his d’k tahg, stepping towards Koloth as if to strike him down. Jim and Spock both readied to defend Koloth but before either of them could react, Amresh was already there, blocking the way.

'You will not spill blood on Tahli,’ Amresh announced, ‘we accept Koloth’s request for refuge. He may live here in peace.'

‘He is Klingon,’ Dras snarled in reply, ‘He is a coward and a fool who disgraces the Empire and I will spill his blood in any place I see fit.' 

Amresh stared Dras down, 'He is no such thing. Understanding and speaking your truths is not cowardly or foolish or disgraceful.' 

'Stand aside,' Dras spat.

'Captain Dras, the Tahli have accepted Koloth as a refugee,' Jim said loudly, ‘it is done.’

'You keep out of this Federation pig,' Dras yelled to Jim his eyes staying on Amresh, 'and you, you can stand aside now.' 

'We will not tolerate this violence, Captain Dras,' Tarosh announced loudly, 'leave at once.'

Dras looked to Tarosh, 'Just what are you saying?'

'We decline the offer of the Klingon Empire. Please leave our world,' Tarosh said. 

Barot snorted, 'you fools. Good luck getting the federations pigs to defend you. You’ll be run through by Romulans the moment the Earth is under threat. Couldn't even save the glorious Vulcan, could they, Spock?' 

'You have been asked to leave,' Spock replied, his voice tense with precisely controlled anger. 

'Tarosh,’ Jim said, ‘the moment you give consent to the agreement with the Federation Tahli comes under full Federation protection and is subject to all of our existing treaties.’

‘I accept the alliance with the United Federation of Planets on behalf of the Ashtahli,' Tarosh said at once in a loud clear voice. 

'Captain Dras, you are now in violation of the Treaty of Organia,’ Jim said, ‘if you do not leave immediately, leaving Koloth on Tahli as a refugee then it will be considered an act of war.' 

Dras snorted contemptuously and spoke into a communicator. The Klingons, all but Koloth, were instantly transported away. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

Jim flipped open his communicator, 'Scotty, keep an eye on the Klingon ship for me would you?'

'Expecting a wee bit of trouble, captain?' Scotty replied.

'Already had some trouble, Scotty, it is possible that there will be more,' Jim answered.

'Oh, then I have a spot of good news for you, sir. They've entered warp. They are gone,' Scotty said through the communicator.

'Thanks, Scotty,’ Jim said, smiling in relief, ‘Let me know straight away if they return.'

'Aye, captain.'

‘Kirk out.’

'They are gone,' Jim said to the room and everyone sighed in relief yet again. Jim smiled warmly at Tarosh, 'and we have an alliance.'

'This is true,' Tarosh said, tentacles wiggling, 'we have an alliance.’

Jim stepped towards Tarosh and shook his hand. 

‘I want you to know,’ Tarosh said, ‘that we were favouring the Federation before this incident. Amresh, in particular, was most insistent that it was the best course of action.'

'This is true,' Amresh agreed smiling, 'there is a place for the Ashtahli within the Federation. There are synergies between human, Vulcan and Ashtahli ways of life. Within the Federation the Ashtahli will bloom and grow.'

'This is the true,' Tarosh said, ‘it is clear that the Ashtahli have more in common with the Federation than the Klingons. However, some of the grandfathers were concerned about the threat posed by other powers in the region such as the Romulans and the Orions. It was wise to fully evaluate the potential threat before making a decision.'

'The Ashtahli could never have thrived in alliance with the Klingons,’ Amresh said forcefully, ‘their values are radically different.'

Tarosh nodded, his facial tentacles wiggling in thought, 'this is true,’ he said finally.

Amresh smiled, ‘Thank-you, grand grandfather.’

Tarosh turned to Koloth, 'Koloth, do you genuinely wish to live amongst us? If you would prefer to travel to a Federation world the Ashtahli would hold you no ill will. We ask that you voice your true desires now.'

'I want to find a home on Tahli,' Koloth replied, ‘I want to know the way of the Ashtahli fully. I heard Dras and Barot speak of their experiences on Tahli. I know that they refused to write on their bodies in the hall of manhood. I will not refuse. I wish to face my truths with courage and regain a new sense of honour.'

Tarosh nodded, 'very well, you will undergo the full manhood ceremony and we will find a place for you on Tahli.’

'Thank you,' Koloth answered with tears in his eyes, 'you do me great honour.' 

Tarosh nodded again, ‘you must abide by the Ashtahli ways.’

‘I understand,’ Koloth replied, ‘I promise that I will do so.’

'There are two things that we will never tolerate: deceit and intolerance. We will afford you your privacy but you must be truthful to all and accepting of all, including yourself,’ Tarosh explained.

'I will endeavour to,' Koloth said, 'please, my intent is sincere. I wish to learn.'

'Very well. You are welcome to life amongst us,' Tarosh said embracing him, 'now come, let us celebrate.

'Please, Tarosh,' McCoy said stepping forward, 'I would like to treat Koloth’s wounds first and get him clean.' 

Tarosh nodded, 'Koloth, I suggest that you allow Dr McCoy to treat your wounds.’

Koloth’s gaze flicked from Taorsh to McCoy. He paused for a moment before responding, ‘thank you.'

'Lareng,’ Tarosh said, ‘Please take Dr McCoy and Koloth to the local bath house and show them the facilities. Supply Dr McCoy with anything required so that he may treat Koloth’s wounds.’

Lareng nodded, ‘Very well, grand grandfather.’

As McCoy left with Koloth, Koloth limping slightly and McCoy supporting him, Amresh said, ‘Perhaps we should begin our celebrations at dusk, grand grandfather?’

‘Good idea, Amresh,’ Tarosh replied, ‘Let’s meet back here at dusk to celebrate our new alliance with a feast.’

‘As you wish,’ Jim beamed, ‘We will freshen up and be back soon.’

Jim, Nyota and Spock beamed back onto the Enterprise.

‘Good news then, captain?’ Scotty said the moment they materialised, each with wide smiles of relief.

‘We have an alliance,’ Jim beamed.

‘Congratulations,’ Scotty replied.

‘You still have the conn, Scotty, we are just here for a quick freshen up. We’ve got to beam back for a celebration,’ Jim said.

‘Oh aye, you have all the fun,’ Scotty laughed. 

Several hours later they were all back on Tahli freshly showered and in their ceremonial uniforms. Even McCoy had found a moment to beam back to the Enterprise and don his ceremonial grab. He wore it with much grumbling but he wore it just the same.

Koloth looked much better cleaned up and McCoy had managed to successfully treat his wounds, including the injuries that were already several weeks old.

Lareng brought out a number of traditional Ashtahli dishes and sat them in the centre of the ring of seating cushions so that they could all help themselves. 

As they feasted, Jim took a moment to talk to Amresh, 'we noticed, well, Nyota noticed actually, that you asked to speak in private. Are you adopting the concept of privacy?'

Amresh nodded, ‘that was my suggestion. I suppose the answer is yes, to some extent. As most species with the galaxy have the concept of privacy it would put the Ashtahli at a disadvantage if we did not practice it in some form during our dealings with other species. It is my belief that we can find a way to make these kinds of small accommodations and yet still preserve what is precious about the Ashtahli way of life.' 

Spock raised a single eyebrow, 'Indeed, I believe you will be successful. Vulcans experience a similar challenge with emotive language and customs. Yet we do manage to maintain a strong alliance with humans. I find a balance is possible.'

'This is true,' Amresh said, ‘It is good to know that we aren’t the first people to experience such dilemmas.’

‘Not at all,’ Nyota smiled, ‘If I may say so, the Ashtahli are handling first contact remarkably well. It is a difficult balancing act. There are people who do not successfully navigate it. Advanced cultures even, who are still struggling with the same dilemmas that you are facing.’

Amresh smiled in return, his facial tentacles twitching, ‘You are very kind… and wise for one so young,’ he sighed, ‘but of course, you are not significantly younger than Jim or Spock.’

Nyota beamed, ‘Thank-you, grandfather.’

Soon they were once again beaming onto the Enterprise, feeling the familiar sense of achievement, thrill and exhaustion that comes with a completed mission.

Jim and Spock said goodnight to Nyota and McCoy, moving towards their quarters.

'Have you informed Starfleet of the alliance?' Spock asked.

'I sent them a quick message before the feast,' Jim answered, 'so they know that we’ve been successful. We can compile our full reports in the morning.’

'Very well,' Spock answered as they reached the door to Jim’s quarters and opened it, 'another success for you, Jim'

'For us, Spock,' Jim corrected him, motioning for Spock to enter first, ‘another success for all of us.’


	20. Epilogue

**4.6 Tahli years later (2.8 Terran years)**

Jim often dreamed that he was on the bridge. Like he didn’t spend enough time there already. But he can pick the dreams. He usually has some vague awareness that what he is experiencing isn’t real. The missions are even more ridiculous, even by Starfleet standards, time jumps ahead in a strange way and when he tries to focus on details they go a bit fuzzy. 

So when he saw a fuzzy bridge lacking in detail he became suspicious. And a moment ago he was planet-side wasn’t he? Being chased by Klingons the size of houses? How did that end? Not sure. Definitely a dream. 

'Captain,' Spock said, turning around to face Jim from the science station.

'Yes, Spock,' Jim replied, leaning back his chair and openly ogling his first officer’s body. He tries so hard not to stare when they are on duty and especially not on the bridge. But if this was a dream then he could stare all he liked. His eyes slowly traced their way down Spock’s form, admiring the grace and strength. 

Spock raised an eyebrow knowingly. Then, suddenly he was right by Jim’s side.

'I will fellate you now, Captain,' Spock said.

'You will what?' Jim replied. 

Spock didn’t answer. Instead, Jim felt himself pushed back into the captain's chair. His pants were suddenly around his ankles and Spock's mouth is wrapped tightly, warm and wet, around his cock. 

Oh! A good dream. 

Jim groaned, grabbing roughly at Spock's hair. 

'Oh, Spock!' Jim cried out, thrusting into Spock’s mouth. 

So, so good. And yet, he felt a dim awareness of reality seeping through. Of a bed beneath him instead of his captain’s chair. Of his quarters instead of the bridge. Damn! He didn’t want this dream to end just yet. 

Then, from somewhere in the back of his mind a panicked thought bubbled up and spoilt the dream at once: what if it is all a dream? What if his memories of being with Spock are only part of the dream? He had dreams like this before Tahli. 

With an escalating sense of dread Jim crashed into reality but — oh! — the blow job was real. Jim was in his quarters, lying naked in his own bed and Spock's mouth was wrapped around his cock. Jim looked down at him, watched as Spock expertly sucks him off, his tongue flicking at the head of Jim’s penis. 

As Jim became more aware of reality he realised that he was fast approaching orgasm. Just as he neared the sweet climax Spock abruptly ceased his ministrations and kissed Jim on the mouth instead. Not just kissed but kissed him oh so softly, his lips brushing against Jim so faintly. It was all tease and no satisfaction. 

Jim growled in frustration, grabbing hold of Spock, holding him still as his tongue pushed hungrily into Spock's mouth. Jim paused for a moment in his hungry kissing to flip Spock on the bed. Jim, from on top, kissed Spock again just as hungrily as before. Jim paused and sat up, surveying the beautiful naked Vulcan pinned under him: his dark hair, usually so perfect, has been messed up by their activities. The contrast between the darkness of Spock’s hair and eyes and the perfect porcelain whiteness of his skin undoes Jim every time. Though, right now, that porcelain is coloured with a light green blush. 

Spock looked up with him with a satisfied Vulcan smirk on his face. Obviously, this was exactly the reaction he had calculated. Well, thought Jim, that’s just fine. I’ll wipe that smirk off your face.

Spock raised an eyebrow challengingly. The bond is especially porous during sexual activities, and Spock, in particular, easily picks up on many of Jim’s thoughts. Spock is more skilled at maintaining boundaries between their minds, even in difficult situations. 

Jim took Spock’s wrists in his hand and pinned Spock down on the bed kissing him roughly. As Jim thrusted himself against Spock’s length he found Spock hard and wet. Spock's natural lubricant coated them both as their cocks slid up against each other in such a delicious manner that Jim groaned into Spock's mouth. 

Before Jim lost control he took Spock’s fingers into his mouth and sucked hard. Spock groaned and the bond reverberated with his pleasure. Spock lost the ability to shield. Their bond is stronger now and they slip into each other's minds with easy familiarity. Jim feels Spock’s pleasure and Spock feels Jim’s. 

Feeling Spock's pleasure, knowing firsthand how turned on Spock is, is painfully erotic to Jim, and he knows that will always be so, no matter how many times he experiences it. 

The reverberations of pleasure bring them both closer. They quickly spiral into what Jim likes to call the Vulcan orgasm vortex. Jim felt a slight flicker of annoyance through the bond. Spock finds Jim’s term undignified. Jim has had a lot of sex in his lifetime — another flicker of annoyance — but this Vulcan bonding ability to amplify pleasure, well, it is something else...

Spock added his movements to Jim’s and they quickly find the perfect, the absolutely perfect rhythm. Jim lost the ability to think altogether. They spiral, together, towards climax.

Jim can hold on no longer and he comes hard all over Spock, his ejaculate coating Spock’s already soaking wet cock. Jim’s climax is still ongoing when Spock comes just as hard. Jim moaned around Spock’s fingers, feeling Spock’s own release reverberating through the bond.

They stayed frozen in place for several seconds, wet and panting.

'Woke up horny did you, honey?' Jim said.

Spock raised a single eyebrow, attempting to restore his dignity, 'I would have thought that would have been obvious.' 

Jim laughed, ‘You made your desire known that's for sure.’

Jim carefully lifted himself off of Spock reaching for some wipes and cleaning Spock and himself up. All clean he slid in beside Spock. 

Lying side by side their mental shields carefully slid back into place. Spock still carries the greater burden of shielding and probably always will. But Jim is getting better at it. Spock was aware that Jim was carefully shielding something from him and had been for 3.2 weeks. Spock was not distressed by this. He trusts Jim implicitly and he knows that whatever Jim is keeping from him it will be revealed in the fullness of time. 

'What’s the time?' Jim asked, yawning.

'Five hundred hours,' Spock answered following up this reply with a reply to Jim’s unspoken question, 'we will arrive in 32.25 minutes.'

'Right,’ Jim said, jumping out of bed ‘shower then up to the bridge?’

'Indeed' Spock replied, joining him.

Thirty minutes later Jim and Spock walked into the bridge a unified team. 

‘Captain on the bridge!’ 

'Captain,' Chekov said in his thick Russian accent, 'we are just coming out of warp now.'

'Excellent. Chekov, Sulu, continue on' Jim replied, sitting himself down in the captain’s chair.

'Out of warp in five, four, three, two, one,' Chekov called out as Sulu pulled the switch. 

Jim’s breath hitched in his throat: Tahli. After so long, there it is, the very planet on which he found love. A planet almost as dear to him as the Earth itself. 

 

He looked to Spock and found a slight Vulcan smile on Spock’s face. Jim feels a warm affection coursing back towards him through the bond. 

'We have arrived at Tahli, Captain' Chekov said. 

Jim —with difficulty— wrests his attention away from Spock and gives it fully to Chekov, 'Thank you, Chekov. And thank you, Sulu.'

‘Captain,’ Chekov replied with a nod and smile.

‘You’re welcome, Captain,’ Sulu answered. 

'Uhura,' Jim said, turning to speak to her, 'please make contact. I plan to beam down immediately to ensure that the preparations for tonight are well in hand. Mr Spock, you are with me.' 

Jim and Spock walked as one into the transporter room finding Scotty was already waiting at the controls. 

'Time to beam down, Captain?' Scotty said.

'Thanks, Scotty,' Jim replied.

Scotty began operating the controls as Jim and Spock stepped onto the transporter pad.

‘When you are ready, Captain,’ Scotty nodded.

'Energise,' Jim replied. 

They materialised within an atrium garden, the warm orange sun on their faces. The garden was similar to the gardens that they had seen years ago within the Halls of Womanhood and Manhood. But this was a new Hall. One that Jim and Spock had never seen before. Indeed, one that was only recently built. 

'Jim!' Amresh called out his facial tentacles wiggling in delight, 'Spock! Oh, it is so good to see you both again at last.' 

'It is good to see you too,' Jim said with a warm smile, as Spock held up the ta-al, 'grand grandfather of the Ashtahli.'

'Jim, please, call me Amresh, after all we're old friends,' Amresh said. 

Jim's smile instantly transformed from warm to blazing.

'Congratulations on your appointment, Amresh,' said Spock, ‘it is a notable achievement and well-deserved.'

Amresh nodded his facial tentacles wiggling, 'It is a great honour, indeed! The truth is I frequently have my doubts about it. The position of grand grandfather is not one I have ever aspired to. Yet, ever since your visit I find myself filled with a vision of Tahli’s place within the Federation and the galaxy. In working towards this vision I find myself thrust into the role of grand grandfather!'

'On Earth we say that the best leaders are those that do not seek power but rather have power thrust onto them,’ Jim said. 

'Do you indeed?' Amresh laughed, ‘Well I hope to live up to that.’

‘I’m sure you will,’ Jim smiled, ‘we are thrilled to be back on Tahli.’

Jim and Spock both started to look around the garden, beyond Amresh. They were surprised at the scene before them. The garden was filled with activity and life: not merely Ashtahli but many species including humans, Andorians, Tellarites, Trill, Vulcans, even Klingons. Many of them were simply dressed, their bodies covered in the scrawling writing of many languages. Young female Ashtahli were playing various sports with humans, Tellaries, Andorians and Klingons. Jim recognised the complex Ashtahli game with multiple balls that he had played on his first day on Tahli, so long ago. He also noticed a group of humans clearly trying to teach the Ashtahli, and a single Klingon, how to play cricket. Jim and Spock noticed many smaller groups sitting in the shade of trees, engaged in discussion. Nearby two Vulcans were engaged in discussion with an older male Ashtahli. A little further on, a Trill was talking to a small audience of humans, older male Ashtahli and a Vulcan. 

Amresh smiled, delighted by the shocked expression on Jim’s face. Although Spock’s expression remained quite neutral, Amresh had learned to recognise this expressionless pause as the Vulcan expression of shock. Amresh gestured widely around himself, 'Jim and Spock, may I present the very first Ashtahli Hall of Truth.' 

Spock raised a single eyebrow, ‘You spoke of efforts to create meeting places on Tahli between the Ashtahli and other species, hubs of cultural exchange. I take it this is the result?’

'This is true,' Amresh replied, 'and it has been a wonderful success. The Ashtahli learn more about the wider galaxy everyday and I believe that we are contributing something genuinely worthwhile. This is the first Hall of Truth and the centre point in our new world. I intend to build more. Wherever there is a Hall of Womanhood and Manhood, I want to build a Hall of Truth beside them. Come, let me show you.' 

Amresh guided them both through the atrium garden to one side of the hall. The other people within the garden paid them no attention. A human and a Vulcan, walking through the garden deep in conversation with an older male Ashtahli was not an unusual sight in this particular space. As Amresh walked he talked, 'The success of the cultural exchange experience that we shared was the core inspiration for this initiative. I was struck by how much we all learned about each other and ourselves. The experience completely changed my view of the universe. But, I realised, it changed your view as well. And, of course, you found each other. What better way to connect with the other species within the Federation than through shared truth?'

Amresh paused a moment in thought before gesturing towards the line of doors, ‘Here is the guest quarters. We have single rooms and rooms for where multiple guests can stay together. Some guests come to focus on finding their own truths while others are focused on finding truth within their relationships and building stronger bonds. We offer experiences based on both our womanhood and manhood rites. The exact experience is personalised by a mentor.’

‘Fascinating,’ Spock replied, eyebrow raised, ‘For the guests, this is almost a kind of spiritual retreat.’

Amresh nodded, ‘This is true. Follow me, I have more to show you.’

Amresh guided them onwards, past door after door, pointing out the shared bathrooms and kitchens on the way. They turned the corner, Amresh pointing out the ritual baths where the bodily inscriptions are washed off for participants in that particular rite. 

‘Is it a popular rite?’ Spock asked, ‘I noticed a number of individuals with writing across their skin in the courtyard.’

‘It is very popular amongst those seeking to understand their own personal truths, yes,’ Amresh replied, ‘but then we highly recommend it.’

Amresh walked on, leading them to a large ornate set of doors. He guided them into a large Amphitheatre. The amphitheatre was a hive of activity, with younger male Ashtahli darting back and forth, setting up concentric circles of seating cushions facing a central point at the front of the theatre. 

‘And here is where we shall hold tonight’s ceremony,’ Amresh said, ‘I can’t think of anywhere on Tahli that is more appropriate, that is more symbolic of our new relationship with the Federation.’

‘It is perfect,’ beamed Jim, remembering an amphitheatre in a certain Hall of Womanhood where he and Spock had watched an Ashtahli bonding ceremony years ago. 

‘Do you hold bonding ceremonies for the guests?’ Jim asked.

Amresh nodded, ‘Oh, yes. They are very popular. Usually the relationships are already established in some form. We are open to all manner of clutches but, of course, couple relationships are the norm for many species. It is said to be a highly affirming experience and as it is the Ashtahli equivalent of marriage, it is recognised as a legal marriage under Federation law if the participants register it as such.’ 

‘Indeed,' Spock said eyebrow raised, ‘A spiritual retreat and a wedding destination in one.’ 

Amresh laughed.

Jim looked away, ‘What about the Tarosh ceremony, Amresh? Do the guests do that?’

‘Ah, yes. It is not compulsory but it is highly recommended. Here we conduct an adapted version, to suit the cultural needs of our guests. The Tarosh ceremony is conducted in private with only the guest’s allocated mentor in attendance. We find that, with privacy, it is well accepted and considered quite useful.'

‘Fascinating,’ Spock replied.  
‘Now,’ Amresh said, facial tentacles, ‘as you can see we have preparations for this evening well in hand. There is another who is most anxious to see you before you need to get ready yourselves for the official proceedings. So, come, come. I can’t delay her any longer.’

Amresh lead Jim and Spock back into the gardens. Standing under a shady tree with a toddler on her hip was Jayren. She waved smiling in delight, her facial tentacles waving wildly. As the toddler saw Jayren’s reaction, her facial tentacles began to wave wildly too.

‘Jim! Spock!’ Jayren called out. 

She hugged Jim side on to allow for the toddler on her hip. The toddler stared at Jim curiously the whole time. Then Jayren swapped hips to free her dominant hand and attempted a ta-al to greet Spock. 

Spock returned the ta-al, ‘Live long and prosper, Jayren' 

'Peace and long life, Spock' Jayden returned in a carefully serious tone, adding in her usual bubbly voice, 'that's right, isn't it?'

'Indeed.' 

'I dare not attempt it in Vulcan,’ Jayren laughed, ‘Thankfully we have plenty of universal translators and that's the truth!' 

Jim laughed too, 'Languages aren't everyone's thing'

'Well they aren't mine! That's for sure!' Jayden replied.

‘What is your thing then?’ Jim asked. 

‘Xenoanthropology and xenobiology,’ Jayren said, ‘I’ve been taking courses in anthropology and biology here on Tahli and I’m one of the coordinators of the teaching exchange here in the Hall of Truth. We find out the qualifications of our guests and talk them into giving us free lectures and lessons. It is very popular amongst the women. We have learned so much. But that's just the start, my clutch sister-mates and I want to move to Earth and study there. Maybe be the first clutch in Starfleet!'

‘Indeed,’ Spock replied, ‘I wish you all the best in pursuing your ambition.’

‘Me too,’ Jim smiled.

‘Thanks.’

‘And who is this little one?’ Jim asked, smiling at the toddler. The toddler smiled back shyly from the safety of Jayren’s hip. 

‘Oh,’ Jayren, ‘I thought you’d like to meet the first child of my clutch. This is Ashen. Ashen, meet Jim and Spock.’

‘Hiya, Ashen,’ Jim cooed, leaning down to meet Ashen face to face, ‘It is wonderful to meet you.’

‘How old is she?’ Spock asked.

‘She’s three and a half,’ Jayren replied.

‘She's adorable,’ said Jim. He started pulling faces at her. Ashen giggled in delight. 

‘Is she your child, Jayren?’ Spock asked.

‘Do you mean, did I give birth to her?’ clarified Jayren.

‘Affirmative,’ replied Spock.

‘No,’ Jayren replied, ‘Talay is Ashen’s birth mother. Ashen is one of three early bloom children. I was not fruitful in the first bloom. Ashen is weaning at the moment. It is likely that Talay will begin her transformation soon and the clutch will go into our full season.’

Jim and Spock looked confused. Jayren giggled.

‘I think we need to explain further, child of my clutch,’ Amresh replied, ‘an early bloom child is a child conceived in the early days of the clutch when it is still under the mentorship of a grandfather. The initial pregnancies, conceived while the clutch is under the mentorship of a grandfather are called the first bloom. When Ashen is fully weaned, as no one in the clutch has yet made the transformation into male, Talay is very likely to make the transformation herself. Once Talay is male, the clutch will be fertile in and of itself. We call the time of clutch fertility being in full season.’ 

‘Fascinating,’ Spock said, eyebrow raised, ‘And if Talay did not transform?’

‘Then it is highly likely that the birth mother of one of the other early bloom children would do so when her child weaned. In the very unlikely event that none did, a mentor would again be found,’ Amresh explained.

Spock’s head titled in thought, ‘Are there Ashtahli who do not transform into male?’

‘Rarely,’ Amresh said, ‘but it does sometimes happen when women fail to conceive. Such women usually become midwives or scholars.’

‘Interesting,’ Spock turned to look at the interaction between Jim and Ashen. Jim, with much face pulling, had successfully wooed Ashen off of Jayren’s hip and they were playing with a ball. 

Amresh and Jayren watched the line of Spock’s sight.

‘Are children an option for yourself and Jim, Spock?’ Amresh asked.

Spock nodded, ‘Affirmative. Of course, not without assistance. Given the need to reinvigorate the Vulcan population it is logical for us to examine our options for the future and we are doing so.’

Jayren smiled, sharing a knowing look with Amresh. She suspected it wasn’t merely a matter of logic.

'Captain Kirk! Commander Spock!' a Klingon voice called out, 'I was hoping to catch you.'

‘Koloth,’ said Spock, holding the ta-al, ‘live long and prosper.’

‘Koloth!’ beamed Jim, looking up from his position on the ground, playing with Ashen, ‘you have made a home for yourself here after all.’

‘Oh, yes,’ Koloth laughed, ‘and what a home it is. You’ll notice I’ve managed to attract a few Klingons here.’

‘Affirmative,’ Spock replied, ‘we did indeed notice.’

‘You see before you the first Klingon warrior of truth,’ Koloth boomed, ‘great and honourable are my battles against self-deception, my friends. I have taken on the teachings of Kaveshti and I ground myself in truth.’

‘You have chosen a noble path,’ Spock said.

‘Oh, yes!’ Koloth said, ‘And don’t the ladies notice? The human guests in particular can’t get enough of the Klingon warrior of truth! Isn’t that right, Amresh?’

‘This is true,’ Amresh nodded, ‘Koloth’s sexual adventures are quite notable.’

‘Ah!’ Koloth boomed, ‘And this Klingon does not boast! The only Klingon in the universe who does not boast!’

‘Perhaps not the only, my friend,’ Amresh smiled, ‘you have not met them all.’

‘Ah!’ Koloth laughed, ‘You see, how they hold me to account? Quite right, my brother. I do not boast and that’s all I’ll say of it. I’m glad to have seen you. Perhaps you’ll join me for a drink after the ceremony?’

‘We’d be glad to,’ Jim grinned warmly.

‘Till then, Captain Kirk! Commander Spock!’ Koloth waved goodbye.

‘He has made a tremendous amount of progress,’ Amresh said, ‘I mentored him myself.’

‘Indeed,’ Spock replied, ‘a most enlightening experience, I’m sure.’

‘This is true,’ Amresh smiled, ‘It is such fun to see you both again but I think we all need to ready ourselves for the ceremony.

‘You are right,’ Jim sighed, ‘Thanks for playing with me, Ashen.’

Ashen giggled and they said their goodbyes.

6.7 hours later they were together again. Spock, Jim, Nyota and McCoy together comprised the official party on behalf of the Federation. They sat at the front of the Hall with Amresh and several other Ashtahli delegates. The ceremony was recorded and viewed across Tahli and all over the Federation. The Ashtahli delegates publicly took Tarosh to begin the proceedings, as was there custom. Jim read out the official letter on behalf of the President of the United Federation of Planets proclaiming Tahli the newest planet in the Federation and all Tahli citizens Federation citizens with all relevant rights effective immediately. Amresh gave an inspirational speech about the meaning of the ceremony to the Ashtahli people and his vision of a new Tahli within the Federation. As the formal ceremony concluded, the cameras were switched off and there was food, music and dancing. And finally, yet more speeches. This time informal. 

Jim stood to give his informal speech. It had not taken long to prepare because he spoke from the heart, ‘It was a great honour to share today with the Ashtahli people, to be part of the official delegation to welcome Tahli into the United Federation of Planets. When I first met the Ashtahli, over 4 Tahli years ago, I was impressed by your strong values of truthfulness and acceptance or, as I like to think of it, sincerity and love. And do they not go together? Which of us does not at our core yearn to be loved just as we are? To show our true selves and to be understood? Tahli is the expression of a universe-wide yearning and it is no surprise to me to learn that already people of all species from across the galaxy are seeking answers here. What I learned on Tahli is that in order to be loved you must allow yourself to be vulnerable. It is an act of courage. Perhaps the greatest courageous act of all. And so, in the spirit of Tahli, I want to make a confession.’

Jim turned to Spock at his side, gesturing, ‘This man beside me, this Vulcan, my first officer, is my soul mate. In the language of his people we are t'hy'la. I do not deserve his love. No one could. But I will spend the rest of my life endeavouring to live up to it. I will never stop fearing his rejection. But I will also never stop opening myself up to him and allowing him to love me. In the manner of the people of Tahli I declare that I yearn for Spock.'

Spock stood, a light green blush dusting his cheeks, ‘I yearn for you, James Kirk.’

Jim smiled and held out his fingers for a chaste Vulcan kiss. 

The crowd cheered.

‘Congratulations,’ Nyota said over the noise.

‘I was wondering when you would get on with it, Jim,’ McCoy added, ‘Never seen you happier.’

‘Thanks, Nyota and Bones,’ Jim smiled warmly as Spock nodded in acknowledgement. 

The cheers died down and the musicians once again started playing. 

Nyota grabbed McCoy by the arm, ‘C’mon, we are dancing.’  
As they left Jim played with his drink and looked at Spock shyly, ‘We don’t have to officially register it if you don’t want to. I just wanted to say it.’

Spock’s mouth tugged up in the corner in a slight smile, ‘I think we should register it.’

Jim beamed, ‘We can have a Vulcan ceremony too, of course, or an Earth ceremony. I’d marry you on every planet in the Federation.’

Spock raised a single eyebrow, ‘While consistent with human expressions of romance that would be quite superfluous.’

Jim laughed. 

‘Are you familiar with the Earth tradition, well, it’s a tradition in some cultures anyway, of the honeymoon?’ Jim asked.

‘Indeed, I am ashayam,’ Spock replied.

‘And do you approve?’ Jim said.

‘Naturally,’ Spock said, ‘it is quite logical.’

Jim smiled, ‘The Enterprise has a week’s shore leave on Tahli. I’ve booked us a room.’

Spock smiled a light Vulcan smile, ‘Thank-you, my t’hy’la, my husband.’


End file.
